Random Network Reviews: One Night Stand 2007

One Night Stand 2007
June 3rd, 2007 – Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena in Jacksonville, Florida – Attendance: 7,000

In 2005 and 2006, WWE presented One Night Stand but both shows were dedicated to ECW. Maybe they just liked the name or they wanted to capitalize on those buyrates as the name returned the following year. It was no longer an ECW special though ECW as a brand was part of it. The theme of One Night Stand was that every match had a stipulation so that should be fun. 

Our intro video package talks about all of the stipulations for tonight before focusing on the title matches. John Cena has to try and overcome the odds against The Great Khali, while Bobby Lashley is chasing a do-rag wearing Mr. McMahon for the ECW Title and Edge was feuding with Batista over the World Title. Generic music plays because the license for Puddle of Mudd’s “Famous” wasn’t available. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler do the Raw commentary, Michael Cole and JBL take care of Smackdown and Joey Styles and Tazz run ECW.

Stretcher Match
Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam
We are a few months shy of Randy Orton winning the WWE Title and becoming the One Man Dynasty. This came about because Orton hit RVD with a sick RKO a few weeks back and hurt him pretty badly. After a stare down, RVD taunts and levels Orton with a kick. RVD starts hitting his stuff for a bit, working over Orton. Orton is overselling RVD’s stuff as he is acting like each thing knocks him loopy, though one knee that RVD hits looks like it might have. He uses a forearm to knock RVD loopy now and goes for the RKO but it’s countered with a big kick. RVD goes for the Five Star but slips and hits the mat hard. Even if it was a real slip, they’re playing it off like RVD is disoriented because of the concussion Orton gave him recently. I like it. Orton takes advantage and begins to pick apart RVD both in and out of the ring. Orton busts out the awesome backbreaker that he used at SummerSlam 2004. I like that they’re playing up how out of it RVD is as he keeps looking around like he’s drunk. RVD begins to rally, placing Orton on the stretcher and hitting his spinning leg drop from the apron. Orton wisely rolls inside but RVD hits him basic offense. He tries Rolling Thunder but Orton is up and catches him, mid flip, with a powerslam. THAT WAS AWESOME! Back outside, RVD puts Orton on the stretcher and tries a front flip outside but Orton moves and he hits the ground hard. Orton puts him on the stretcher and slowly pushes RVD towards the finish line. At the last second, RVD manages to get up and strikes Orton enough to get him on the stretcher and pass the finish line.

Winner: Rob Van Dam in 14:31
I appreciated the storytelling of RVD having the concussion and that playing a big part in the match. This featured nice spots and a surprise finish, which I always enjoy. I only wish we got more attempts to win the match instead of just at the end. ***1/4

Randy Orton is not pleased so he attacks Rob Van Dam after the match. He hits what might have been the first punt kick ever on RVD, sending him into the crowd. Orton brings RVD onto the guardrail and hits a sick looking DDT onto the mat. This would end RVD’s WWE career for a while as he headed south for TNA and a title run there.

Cutting backstage, Vince McMahon is shining up the ECW Championship while talking to Shane McMahon. He does say that he has a premonition that something bad is going to happen to him. For those unaware, he would “die” in a limousine explosion shortly after.

Six Man Tag Team Tables Match
Elijah Burke, Matt Striker and Marcus Cor Von vs. CM Punk, The Sandman and Tommy Dreamer
CM Punk was heavily recruited by the New Breed and the ECW Originals before joining the New Breed only to try and destroy them from within, so he teamed with the Originals. Man, I loved Elijah Burke and Marcus Cor Von. For some reason, this starts as a regular six man tag with four guys on the apron and two legal men. IT’S A DAMN TABLES MATCH! Basic stuff starts this out as Cor Von works over Dreamer until Burke nails Sandman for a bit. Because Sandman is awful, Punk gets the tag quickly and spikes Striker with the knee strike/bulldog combination. They got all Dudley Boyz as Tommy GETS THE TABLES! Punk hits Cor Von with a suicide dive before hitting a springboard clothesline on Burke. Sandman cracks Striker with a weak cane shot. The New Breed take over and Burke hits his cool looking Outer Limits Elbow. They go to put Punk through the table but Dreamer makes the save and Striker is left along with the Originals. Striker forces Sandman outside but then is hit with the D-Lo Sky High. YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE! Cor Von plants Punk with a powerbomb and sets up a table. Punk is laid on it, but gets up as Tommy hits Burke with a piledriver. Was that not outlawed by 2007? Burke is laid on the table as Punk hits a second rope suplex on Striker through it.

Winners: CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman in 7:18
Not terrible, but they really just beat each other up for seven minutes. **

Edge is backstage lacing up his boots when Randy Orton comes up to him. RATED RKO! Orton basically warns him because he may get drafted over to Smackdown. Spoiler alert: He didn’t.

WWE World Tag Team Championship Ladder Match
The Hardy Boyz (c) vs. The World’s Greatest Tag Team
If you’ve read my stuff before, you know that I’m a huge Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas mark. Everybody goes at it at the bell and the Hardys hit the Spin Cycle. All four guys get ladders and the Hardys throw theirs away and dropkick WGTT. Haas gets whipped into a ladder and his faces shows that he’s reconsidering this match. They sandwich him in between ladders and put Shelton in front, hitting Poetry in Motion. Creative stuff so far. Haas gets hit with the electric chair drop and the Hardys climb up together. This is stupid. Jim Ross keeps calling them the masters and veterans of this match yet they made a critical dumb move here. Only one guy has to retrieve the gold, so both going up is stupid and Shelton takes them down. WGTT try a wishbone roll into a ladder but it comes off weak and the crowd hates that. Now, the WGTT make the mistake of both guys climbing and they get stopped. They get back in control quickly and set up a see saw with the ladders but the Hardys stop them from using it and send them onto the ladders. Good thing the see saw wasn’t used how it normally is or we could’ve had another Joey Mercury. Matt and Jeff get the MEGA LADDERS from the aisle. Haas gets dropped sternum first on a ladder that’s draped across the apron and guardrail. Like it’s already WrestleMania 24, Shelton gets back dropped onto that ladder and it looks like it hurt a ton. Haas nails a second rope German suplex but then turns into a Side Effect. Outside, Haas lays Matt face down on a ladder as Shelton climbs a ladder in the ring. He leaps off and crashes onto Matt’s back. SUPER WGTT SPECIAL! Haas goes for the belts but has his ladder match physics way off because he’s nowhere near it. It allowed Jeff to go up and superplex him from the top. Haas screams in agony. Jeff climbs and Shelton goes to does his springboard leap to the ladder but botches and barely hits the ladder. It does the trick though at least. Benjamin gets his fingertips on the belt but Matt stops him. All four guys end up atop two ladders and duke it out. The Hardys get knocked down but fall on their feet, so they can knock WGTT off. Shelton falls through a ladder outside and Jeff hits the Swanton on Haas, while Matt retrieves the gold.

Winners: The Hardy Boyz in 17:17
The Hardy Boyz know what they’re doing in ladder matches but unfortunately, my guys couldn’t match them. Haas and Benjamin both had some botches which hurt things. Don’t get me wrong though, this was still a physical and fun match. ***1/2

Ranjin Singh interviews The Great Khali. Khali rambles so Ranjin translates by reminding us that Khali pinned Cena on Saturday Night’s Main Event 24 hours prior. He goes all Rocky 4 as he ends with “JOHN CENA. I BREAK YOU.”

Lumberjack Match
Kane vs. Mark Henry
Chris Benoit and the Intercontinental Champion Santino Marella were both relegated to lumberjack status here. Not the best booking. Also, Kenny Dykstra is out with a raccoon skin around his neck. Kane still has his “Slow Chemical” theme which is one of the all-time best. Instantly, Henry tosses Kane outside but the Lumberjacks want no part of him and when Henry goes out, he shoves a bunch of guys off of him. The action goes outside and the lumberjacks do nothing about this except take Kane’s beaten body and roll him inside. Henry continues to use his power to manhandle Kane, and commentary is really hammering it home that it is something Kane is not used to. This is dull and getting duller as Henry applies a bearhug. Kane breaks free and ends up hitting a flying something onto Henry and some heel lumberjacks. I think it was supposed to be a clothesline but he just falls on them. Back inside, Kane chokeslams Henry but before he can cover, Dykstra and Chavo Guerrero come in and hit Kane. This is no DQ? It allows Henry to capitalize with guess what? That’s right. ANOTHER BEARHUG! This is a devastating one though as it leads to the referee calling for the bell.

Winner: Mark Henry in 9:07
The story of Mark Henry being too powerful for Kane to overcome was fine, but it was a pretty dull affair. I liked the beginning but everything else stalled. *1/4

Medics are checking on The World’s Greatest Tag Team, who say “this would’ve never happened in the NCAAs.” The Hardys are in the same room as WGTT complain that this wasn’t a wrestling match. A brawl ensues but I don’t remember the WWE taking the daredevils vs. wrestlers angle much further. That’s a shame.

ECW Championship Street Fight
Vince McMahon (c) w/ Shane McMahon and Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley
This needed to be Umaga’s title reign. He was a talented main event monster and Vince could have still gotten his revenge on Lashley through Umaga. Both Shane and Vince are in the ring to start so Lashley runs and attempts a dive onto Umaga outside but it’s JUUUUUUST A BIT OUTSIDE. Lashley barely makes contact but hits the mat hard. He gets in and dumps out Shane before going after Vince. Umaga and Shane are back but pretty much have zero effect on Lashley. Despite his best efforts to no sell, the numbers game takes its toll. They take turns beating on Lashley for a bit, using ringside cables for part of it. Umaga goes for a splash with the McMahons holding him but he suddenly hulks up and Umaga lands on Vince. Lashley forgets anything that has happened to him and dumps out his two non-opponents before hitting Vince with a soft chair shot. He follows with some harder ones at least and then nails the dominator, which is just a running powerslam, but Umaga pulls Lashley out during the pin. Umaga then splashes Lashley from the apron before laying him on the announce tale. Shane continues to be amazing when he hits his GORGEOUS elbow on Lashley through the table. Vince covers inside but Lashley kicks out. Umaga hits the ASSSMASH but Shane misses Coast to Coast. Lashley spears him and Vince, getting the three.

Winner and New ECW Champion: Bobby Lashley in 12:23
For a street fight, that was kind of boring. Lashley’s selling leaves a lot to be desired especially when the match is a 3 on 1 beating. *

Bobby Lashley hits another Spear on Vince McMahon before we go backstage. Santino Marella is backstage with Maria Kanellis, who is still playing the ditz. Todd Grisham asks her for her “expert” opinion on a pudding match. Yup. Maria ends up sounding intelligent before going back to ditzy. Candice Michelle comes up for a kiss for good luck and kisses Maria. Ron Simmons shows up and he’s all like “DAMN”. Good segment.

Non-Title Pudding Match
Candice Michelle vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina
Melina puts on googles because strategy is important in this kind of environment. Candice spears Melina into the bowl but they brawl back out. Commentary wonders if a pin outside would count. Don’t think too hard about rules in this sort of thing guys. Candice gets a near fall out there, so that answers that. I don’t get the appeal of girls wrestling in pudding or mud. Jerry goes for a joke but has no punch line so he just trails off. Candice tries to drown Melina so the champion taps.

Winner: Candice Michelle in 2:55
I can’t believe we got a submission finish there. This was two girls rolling around in pudding so I didn’t expect much. No Rating.

Maria Kanellis comes out to interview Candice but gets pulled into the bowl. The referee gets involved too before it’s over and the mood quickly changes when the Steel Cage comes down.

World Heavyweight Championship Steel Cage Match
Edge (c) vs. Batista
As soon as the bell sounds, Edge attempts to escape the Steel Cage but is obviously stopped. Batista pounds on him, however when he sends Edge into the corner, Edge leaps and tries to escape again. Michael Cole calls it cowardice, JBL and myself call it smart. For a while, we just get Edge trying to leave and Batista beating on him. Edge gets in control and hits a baseball slide for a near fall. Batista catches an escaping Edge with a superplex for two. They fight up top, Batista knocks Edge off and instead of trying to exit, he jumps from the top right into a dropkick. THAT’S WHY ITS CALLED HIGH RISK RIGHT? Edge stalks for the Spear but Batista goes for one two and their shoulders collide. When they get up, Batista lifts Edge with a spear into the cage. Despite Batista’s power, Edge continues to find ways to slip free and nearly escape. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb as we see Edge’s whale tail, and he grabs the cage and climbs. He gets halfway over but Batista catches him, only to get kicked low by the champion twice. Edge climbs out and Batista goes through the door. THE RACE IS ON! Batista gets out first but on his hands, so Edge’s feet hit first.

Winner and Still World Heavyweight Champion: Edge in 15:38
A bit of a disappointment. I’ve still yet to see a bad Edge match but I expected more from this. Something just didn’t click here, so while it was solid, it was missing something. **1/2

WWE Championship Falls Count Anywhere Match
John Cena (c) vs. The Great Khali
24 hours prior, on Saturday Night’s Main Event, The Great Khali pinned John Cena cleanly. However, he did tap out to Cena at the last Pay-Per-View, so his credibility was shot. John Cena takes a beating instantly as Khali is just kicking his ass. Khali even hits his best version of a spin kick. Yes, I said a spin kick. Cena tries to rally but when he goes up top, Khali chops him, sending him to the outside. Things go into the crowd, where Cena continues to take a pounding. They go up towards the entrance as this is just Khali hitting Cena and the Champion trying to survive. He ducks a shot and sends the crane camera into Khali, knocking him to the ground for two. Cena tries the FU but Khali is too big. Khali gets Cena up on top of a construction truck used in the entrance set up. Khali goes for a big two handed choke slam but Cena rakes him in the eyes and nails the FU off of the truck and onto the floor. That’s enough for Cena to win.

Winner and Still WWE Champion: John Cena in 10:31
John Cena has to be given a lot of credit here. He was willing to get his ass kicked for ten minutes before making the comeback. Khali looked much better here in defeat than at Judgment Day. **1/2

Overall: 5/10; Mediocre. I had higher hopes for this show than it delivers. While the opener was really good, the rest of the card left something to be desired. I enjoyed the ladder match but even that disappointed as did the Edge/Batista bout. John Cena got a better match out of Khali than I ever expected but everything else was pretty lame. My randomizer has chosen my next“Random Network Review” as ECW Anarchy Rulz 2000!

NXT Cleveland Report

Here's a bit of a live report from my experience at NXT Cleveland.

• There was some sort of Juggalo gathering at the Agora Theater, which led to a lot of strange looking people being around. 
• Independent female wrestler Sassy Stephie was there. She tweeted that a juggalo came in and said "I'm here for the concert, not the wrestling like a normal person." I tweeted her about it and had a bit of a conversation with her. That was cool.
• Our seats were excellent. Second row beats fourth by a ton.
• Corey Graves brings out his surprise tonight. Instead of Triple H, who I assume stayed in Columbus, it was William Regal. He got a HUGE ovation. "We're not worthy", "Thank you Regal" and "You still got it chants." He responded by saying he never lost it.
• We opened with Tyler Breeze vs. Baron Corbin. Breeze was super over and Corbin got a smattering of "You can't wrestle" chants that didn't catch on. He seems to enjoy playing to the boos. He took Tyler's camera and took pics with it. Surprisingly, Breeze won with the Beauty Shot.
• My girlfriend hates Tyler but he won her over because this was fun. It's like, because it was non-televised there was a lot of fan interaction. At one point, Tyler told the referee "Don't touch me!" which led to "Don't touch him" chants. Tyler looked at the fans and was like "RIGHT?"
• Second, The Vaudevillains came out to their awesome old theme as they worked as faces. Simon Gotch took on Murphy or Blake. I forget which. Gotch and English were very over. Blake or Murphy won with a roll up. This led to a post match attack until Enzo and Carmella appeared in a balcony. That allowed Big Cass to appear behind Blake and Murphy and take them out. Even Carmella didn't really get booed. Their claimed they would be the next Tag Team Champions and got a big pop. Not as big as they did in Columbus though.
• Kalisto was out next and then Rhyno's theme hit for our second surprise. He got another HUGE pop. This was solid and Rhyno nearly cut Kalisto in half with the Gore.
• Tyson Kidd got a pop and then when we found out who his opponent was, we went nuts. Hideo Itami and Kidd stole the show up to this point. One dude shouted "Nattie's a whore" leading to him getting booed by the rest of the crowd. Great match, and Itami teased the GTS again. He won with the dropkick.
• At intermission, we caught a glimpse of the concert with the juggalos. It looked like the most depressing thing ever. It was quiet and people were just slowly rocking side to side while the guy was rapping. This was also the first place I've ever been where there was a huge line for the men's room but nothing for the ladies.
• Back from intermission, we got an NXT Women's Title Fatal Four Way. Sasha, Charlotte, Bayley and Bliss. Unfortunately, Bliss botched three or four moves and looked terrible. I cut her slack since she's only been wrestling less than two years I believe, but she struggled early on. Once we got past that, this thing picked up. Sasha and Charlotte took a spill in front of us on the outside, which sounded awful. Like they died. They did a sick tower of doom spot and Bayley nearly won with the Hugplex. Sasha stole the pin after that, defeating Charlotte again to retain. Besides Bliss being sloppy, this was excellent.
• Also, Bayley might have been the most over person. As she came out, it was clear that she was nearly in tears and she even tweeted about it. There was a guy who said he wanted a hug from Bayley before the show, so when she came out we all chanted" hug that guy." He got his hug.
• Finn Balor took on Cesaro next. The crowd lost their minds at the thought of this match. They delivered. Everything Cesaro does sounds incredibly hard. Balor asked for a chair from a fan near us. He sat Cesaro in it and hit an awesome dropkick on the outside. Surprisingly, Cesaro won this. He kicked out of the sick double stomp and won with a small package after a thumb to the eye. Great match.
• Sami Zayn cut a similar promo to the night before. Passionate, emotional and real.
• Main event time as Adrian Neville faced Kevin Owens. Again, hard hitting and awesome. Owens played to the crowd and they countered each other a ton. Neville hit a German and his reverse rana for a close two. He looked to get a concussion or something as he took a nasty spill from the top. Owens followed that with the powerbomb to win. Neville could barely walk as he was helped out.
• Another excellent show. My girlfriend is all about coming again if they return. The show in Columbus may have been a bit better but I enjoyed this one more probably because of how close we were and how interactive this was.

Live NXT Columbus Report

I'm having a busy week with my going to both NXT Columbus and NXT Cleveland this week. No time for a Smackdown Report, so sorry about that. However, you can have a report of the NXT Columbus show from last night.

• The Mongolian BBQ place we went to was really good.
• Independent female wrestler LuFisto was sitting front row and hanging out at the bar next to the arena.
• We were sitting fourth row, unfortunately it was next to the drunkest people in the building. The guy in front of me would stand up for no reason and want to talk to us like we were friends. There was a relatively bigger woman next to him who stood a lot. Her boyfriend was obnoxious and even chopped my brother when Ric Flair appeared for no reason. Lastly, the guy next to him was drunk when the show started. He would try to start his own chants, shout "Owens sucks" or "Neville sucks", which is fine to think but he was so annoying. He reminded us of JBL. His wife got so mad she walked out.
• My tweet appeared on the tron, but of course, had a spelling error. Instead of excited "for" NXT, I was excited "gor" NXT.
• Jojo has moved to a top crush of mine in the WWE. She's cute as hell and that booty had me mesmerized all night long. There were multiple "Jojo" chants throughout the night in between matches. It made her happy and she didn't seem to expect them.
• Corey Graves introduced the show and brought out our first surprise in Triple H. He got a huge pop and put over the product.
• We opened with Hideo Itami and Finn Balor vs. the Vaudevillains. The Vaudevillains seem bigger in person, especially Aiden English. Balor is super over and even without the facepaint, his entrance is cool. I recorded a bit of it. Fun opening match and got the show off to a hot start.
• Columbus' own Alexa Bliss took on Sasha Banks. Both girls are very over and this was shorter than expected and could have been better. The crowd didn't like the finish.
• Our next surprise came in the form of Tyson Kidd! The place erupted for him and we got chants of "Meow! Meow! Meow!" and "Fancy Feast". He wrestled Baron Corbin in the match of the night so far. Corbin was getting booed badly by a small section and seemed to love being the heel. He looked in their direction, signaled to keep booing and did the "Money Manziel" sign. I like him a lot more after that and there's a good heel just waiting inside of him.
• Enzo Amore and Big Cass got the biggest pop of the night. Yes, bigger than Sami Zayn, Finn Balor, etc. Carmella got booed but still. Cass wrestled Blake. It was decent. The crowd was on fire all night. "This guy's SAWFT" chants were the highlight here.
• Things took a turn for the worse as our next match was Big Show vs. Ryback. People could be heard groaning and asking "is this Raw?" We got some "Feed Me More" chants but when fans asked for Show to retire, he got on the microphone and said "I got 10 more years on my guaranteed contract" which was funny. The match was surprisingly good with Show even taking a top rope bump. He took the boos in stride. Rbyack didn't. He flipped off the crowd and even got in a fan's face. He wasn't happy with the reaction the match got. As Show left, he got on the mic again and said "10 more years", which started a chant as the fans appreciated his efforts and how funny he was.
• Intermission time. I stayed in my seat.
• This is where the show kicked into high gear. I believe this was what was taped. Tyler Breeze took on Kalisto. Breeze was crazy over. A headlock got a "gorgeous headlock" chant. Stole match of the night from Kidd/Corbin as these two went out and had a damn good contest. Really fun.
• Next surprise as Ric Flair appeared to a massive pop. Thankfully, he kept his promo short and introduced Charlotte. She wrestled Bayley and now THEY stole match of the night. It wasn't that long but they did a ton in that time. Bayley looks like she has so much fun doing what she loves. She got a slap bracelet on Ric and we even saw Charlotte do the Flair flop.
• Alex Riley came out to boos to face Kevin Owens. "Kill Owens Kill", "Fight Owens Fight", "Owens Gonna Kill You" and more were chanted. Kevin Owens was one of the most popular people on the show. Intense match.
• Sami Zayn was out next and announced that he wasn't clear to wrestle. The crowd booed at that, but he then cut an intense and passionate promo about NXT being the future and the most relevant wrestling program in the world. This led to a "Better than Raw" chant and Sami responded by telling the fans not to get him in trouble. He promised a great main event.
• Adrian Neville came out for the great main event but people weren't sure who his opponent was. We suspected it since Kidd was there, but when Cesaro came out he got a massive ovation. "Push Cesaro" and "Both These Guys" were chanted. This was amazing and easily the match of the night on a great show. They went all out, used the arena for creative spots, had tons of near falls and everything clicked. Excellent.

So there you have it. That's all I can really remember right now. Awesome time and I can't wait for tonight.

Random Network Reviews: No Way Out 2008 Review

No Way Out 2008
February 17th, 2008 – Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas, Nevada – Attendance: 13,306

After making a shocking return at the Royal Rumble, John Cena did something that no man has ever done before. He chose to get his WWE Title shot at No Way Out instead of at WrestleMania, which leads us to a Randy Orton vs. John Cena match on this show. At this time, the feud was still relatively fresh since they had only met twice before this I believe. Of course, No Way Out features two Elimination Chamber matches as well, which should be great as it is one of my favorite gimmick matches ever.

Our opening package is relatively generic in a good way. It doesn’t really mention any Superstar by name but shows clips of how brutal the Elimination Chamber can and has been. The video also shows off the two title matches set for the evening. Commentary is Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler but it moves to Joey Styles and Tazz.

ECW Championship
Chavo Guerrero (c) vs. CM Punk
I was never a big Chavo Guerrero fan but the man knows what he’s doing in the ring and I’m a huge CM Punk fan so this should be good. This feud featured the infamous Gulf of Mexico match. Chavo slaps Punk and is instantly kicked in the head. Punk whips Chavo into the corner but is the one who ends up knocked outside. Chavo demands the referee start the count as I guess they’re going with the “champion wants to retain in any possible way” scenario. They trade shots as Chavo gets a near fall with a front flip. He hits a very nice looking suplex and applies the body scissors. Talk about a move that looks like it does NOTHING to the opponent. Punk gets out and hits a slingshot into the corner like it’s the mid-90s. He goes for his signature knee in the corner but it’s stopped and then Chavo also reverses the GTS into a hurricanrana. An impactful tornado DDT earns Chavo two. He stalks Punk but ends up eating an enziguri for tow. Punk channels Eddie Guerrero and tries the Three Amigos to heat. That’s not good. Chavo blocks the third but gets the knee strike/bulldog combo and kicks out. A small “Chavo” chant breaks out as he holds the top rope to avoid the GTS. He ends up on the apron and is kicked hard to the mat. Inside, Punk crotches Chavo on the top and goes for a top rope hurricanrana but Chavo blocks it. After Punk knocks himself out from hitting the mat, Chavo hits the Frog Splash for the surprise clean win. He gets a decent pop as well.

Winner and Still ECW Champion: Chavo Guerrero in 7:15
A bit disappointing. Both guys are damn good but it didn’t click. I did like the play of Eddie’s suplexes and that Chavo actually got a clean win. **3/4

The incomparable Mike Adamle interviews Rey Mysterio and gets his name right. Rey admits he does have a torn bicep and he shows off the bruise, which looks like it hurts a ton. As he starts speaking Spanish, Floyd Mayweather comes up to him and says what’s up. Mike Adamle looks like a total nerd the whole time. Smackdown commentary, which is Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman, take over for the next match.

Number One Contender for World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber
Batista vs. Big Daddy V w/ Matt Striker vs. Finlay vs. United States Champion MVP vs. The Great Khali w/ Ranjin Singh vs. The Undertaker
Who the hell thought Big Daddy V should A) wear that outfit and B) be in a Pay-Per-View match? So, Batista and The Undertaker are the two to start. In other words, the only LEGIT threats to win this thing. These two engaged in a fantastic rivalry throughout 2007 and slug it out here. They go outside and Batista is grated against a steel chain but is back in the driver’s seat in the ring. Batista looks really weird with wristbands. Neither guy gets a clear advantage and do a double big boot spot as Big Daddy V enters the fray. Viscera dominates, even hitting a Samoan drop while his boobs flop around. Cole says that Mabel stepping on you is like a minivan being on you. He headbutts Undertaker who falls through the Chamber door. Really? This mass, powerful structure that we hear so much about can’t handle a 299 pound man softly bumping into the door? Vis runs at Batista and I swear my WWE Network went into slow motion. Batista plants Mabel with a spinebuster, tosses him outside and Undertaker DDTs him. Batista covers and Viscera is out at 9:07. 

The Great Khali joins us at the ten minute mark. I would be okay with each guy getting eliminated before the next one come sin, leaving Batista and Undertaker alone. Khali gets in his usual offense, even getting near falls on both superior opponents. Vise Grip is applied on Batista and Cole continues with his ridiculous comparisons, calling Khali’s hands “NFL football like”. Batista breaks free and Spears Khali but is taken out by Undertaker, who then makes Khali tap out to the Hell’s Gates submission at 12:38. Maybe my prediction about the eliminations will come true. Finlay is next, so the youngest guy in the match will get the least amount of time. He runs in but eats a big boot instantly. He comes back with the Celtic Cross on Undertaker but doesn’t get the three obviously. Outside, Finlay gets slingshot into the steel chains. Finlay stays strong though and throws Undertaker through the glass chamber in the least memorable spot like that in history. So much for my prediction as Finlay is still in when MVP is supposed to enter. He doesn’t want to join, so Undertaker comes in and beats him down.

When MVP does come in, he kicks both Batista and Undertaker, gaining a near fall before choking Finlay with his chain. The Deadman is bleeding as MVP fires away with the chain but he won’t fall down. Since he won’t fall, MVP runs away to the top of a pod. Undertaker grabs him and choke tosses him off! Finlay covers and MVP is unfortunately gone at 22:31. With all three remaining men down, Hornswoggle pops his head up from under the chamber and hands Finlay the shillelagh! He hit both guys with it, even blocking a Batista Bomb with a shot but Batista kicks out. Undertaker grabs Finlay and Chokeslams him onto the steel outside to eliminate him around 24:11. As expected, it comes down to Batista and The Undertaker. They get up on opposite sides outside of the ring and get into a slugfest inside. Batista nails the Batista Bomb but is too hurt to cover quickly, so Undertaker gets his shoulder up! Batista must not have watched Undertaker matches because he goes for ten punches in the corner, hitting about twelve, but Undertaker powers up with the Last Ride. He is also too weary to cover quickly and can garner two only. Undertaker signals for the end but Batista counters the Tombstone and sends him outside. As Batista drives Undertaker’s face into the chamber, Cole points out that he’s targeting the left arm. Umm, no he’s not. Batista has Undertaker on his shoulder and goes to drive him headfirst into the chamber again but it’s blocked and they use the top rope so Undertaker can slip over and hit a creative Tombstone for the finish.

Winner: The Undertaker in 29:28
Not one of the best Elimination Chamber matches but still damn good. They did their best with the talent involved as Undertaker and Batista should be commended for their performance. I wish we got more from MVP though as that could have helped for sure. ***

Edge is in the back with the Edgeheads, and he’s nervous about facing The Undertaker at WrestleMania, however he doesn’t want to look past Rey Mysterio. Theodore Long comes in, PLAYA, and bans Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder from ringside. YA FEEL ME? HOLLA.

After a WrestleMania commercial featuring Kelly Kelly and Mae Young, we go to highlights of Maria Kanellis and Ashley Massaro at the Playboy mansion. Maria decides to pose for Playboy, which is up there as maybe my second favorite WWE Playboy ever.

Career Threatening Match
Mr. Kennedy vs. Ric Flair
Lil’ Naitch, Charles Robinson is the referee here so I just can’t see him counting the three that ends Ric Flair’s career. Mr. Kennedy hits a shoulder block early on and struts, taunting Flair. A hard knife edge chop allows Flair to strut back. Kennedy gets in his offense now, and goes with a half Boston crab because Flair has a bandage on his knee. Kennedy must have watched some heel Bret Hart as he uses the ring post Figure Four. HOW DARE HE? He’s stealing from all the greats when he locks in Flair’s own Figure Four. Flair reaches the ropes and Kennedy hits the Green Bay Plunge for two. He goes to the well again but Flair slips free and uses a chop block. Kennedy tries to win with a handful of tights and his feet on the ropes but is caught because he’s heeling wrong. After kicking out a small package, Flair uses the Figure Four to make Kennedy submit.

Winner: Ric Flair in 7:13
I liked Mr. Kennedy going after the knee and trying to steal all of Ric Flair’s signature stuff. The cocky heel was too brash and it cost him. The crowd didn’t believe Kennedy would win though and that hurt. **

Backstage, Mr. McMahon mocks Finlay as he’s being checked on by doctors. He tells Finlay that there’s nothing he can do to help Hornswoggle tomorrow when Vince steps into a Steel Cage with him tomorrow night on Raw!

World Heavyweight Championship
Edge (c) vs. Rey Mysterio
Even though these are two guys who have really good chemistry, I don’t expect to this be much since Rey is going with a torn bicep. It’s clear very early that Rey is in a ton of pain. Even a flying head scissors causes him a lot of discomfort. Edge uses a big boot to take control and Rey regroups outside. Coachman “you have to wonder if Rey’s ever competed with a torn bicep before”. I doubt it Coach, that’s serious business. Edge throws Rey into the steel steps and taunts inside the ring. Rey is asked if he wants to call the match but he declines, so Edge tries an arm submission but it’s blocked. He hangs Rey up in the tree of woe and goes for a baseball slide but Rey moves and Edge hits the ring post. Moonsault from Rey gets him two and a tornado DDT leads Edge to putting his foot on the bottom rope, breaking a pin. Rey connects with the 619 but can’t capitalize. He tries a springboard but eats a midair Spear to end this.

Winner and Still World Heavyweight Champion: Edge in 5:27
Not much here, but I have to give credit for Rey Mysterio’s gutsy performance. *3/4

Officials and medical personnel check on Rey Mysterio when Big Show’s theme hits. He comes out and reveals that he is a MUCH slimmer Big Show, having dropped some sixty pounds since he was last seen. He cuts a promo about being happy to be back and that he will be a champion again. I was wrong as he has lost 108 pounds. Show goes outside and starts to bully Rey Mysterio. There goes that seemingly face appearance. He mocks Floyd Mayweather at ringside causing Floyd to jump the barricade! All of his entourage/security get in with him, making this seem like a big deal. Show continues to mock him, dropping down to one knee so Mayweather socks him, breaking his nose. Show gives chase but Mayweather escapes and Shane McMahon has to try and restrain him. The angle was greatly done, Show looked legit, Mayweather looked legit, commentary was silent to help sell it and it led to a surprisingly good WrestleMania match. Show would later say that he told Floyd not to hit him in the nose and that’s exactly what Floyd did, so Show was actually seeing red somewhat as he chased him down.

WWE Championship
Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena
John Cena won the Royal Rumble a month prior and decided to cash in his title shot tonight instead of at WrestleMania, which was something that I completely hated. I’m not a fan of how this starts because the video package built it up as Cena lost his WWE Title because of an injury that Orton caused, so he should have wanted his hands on him badly. Instead, we get them trying to out wrestle one another. Cena gets some early near falls with a bulldog and elbow drop. He goes to the top and connects with the leg drop bulldog for another two count. He goes for the FU but Orton elbows out and starts to pick Cena apart. VINTAGE Orton as he locks in a rest hold to slow things down. Cena rallies and hits the shoulder block combo before the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Orton slips free of the FU. They fight outside and both guys run in just before the count of ten, but Orton looked dumb here. He is all about retaining the belt by any means, so a countout loss is something he should have been okay with. Orton goes for the RKO but Cena counters and puts on the STFU! Orton slips outside and starts to shout “COUNT ME OUT” at the referee. See what I mean? Saving himself from being counted out earlier is an inconsistency. Cena tries to get Orton but is hit with an RKO FROM OUTTA NOWHERE! Cena beats the countout once again. Orton decides to strike the referee, getting himself disqualified.

Winner via disqualification: John Cena in 15:50
This was just like most other John Cena vs. Randy Orton matches in the fact that it was kind of dull. They’ve never had great chemistry and this had serious storytelling mistakes. **

John Cena, in his frustrated state, attacks Randy Orton after the match with an FU and STFU. Unlike other situations, the referee just leaves and doesn’t call for anyone to break this up. Triple H and Shawn Michaels have a bit of a serious talk backstage before the Chamber. We also see the poll results for who the fans think will win the main event and Jeff Hardy just edges out Triple H 38%-31%. That says a lot about where Jeff would be headed from here until he left in August 2009.

Number One Contender for WWE Championship Elimination Chamber
Chris Jericho vs. Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy vs. JBL vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H vs. Umaga
Lillian Garcia totally botches announcing the rules for the match. Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels start the match, but if I were booking, I’d have had Jeff start and last until the end in a great performance. This is a review, not a fantasy booking though. The Shawn/Jericho stuff is their usual goodness. Jericho goes for the Walls but Shawn counters and tries a Sharpshooter, only for Jericho to pull him into a small package for two. I recently watched these two at WrestleMania XIX and that was fantastic. They would go on to have another fantastic rivalry later in this year. They collide and are both down when the buzzer goes off, bringing in Umaga. THE SAMOAN BULLDOZER! He does instant damage and Lawler says it’s similar to what Viscera did earlier. His name is Big Daddy V dammit! Umaga, in a great show of strength, hits a double Samoan drop on both guys. Shawn gets a big kick that knocks him outside, which Jim Ross calls “an impactful kick where you could hear the impact.” No kidding. After missing a splash, Umaga eats Shawn’s elbow drop. Jericho applies the Walls and, since he won’t submit, Shawn adds the Crossface! The buzzer sounds and in comes JBL, to make the save.

JBL pounds away on Chris Jericho in the corner, as they are coming off of a feud at the Royal Rumble for some strange reason. A DOUBLE FEATURE shows us that Shawn took an elbow earlier and is busted open. Everyone is outside now but that doesn’t last long. Our fifth entrant arrives and it is Triple H. The Game, who had returned from his second quad injury a few months prior, is on fire. Double A spinebusters all around until Jericho stops him. He misses the Lionsault though. JBL hits the Clothesline from Hell on Hunter but turns right into a Codebreaker for our first elimination at 13:46. JBL is pissed so he gets a chair and lays out Jericho, HBK and Umaga. The chair shot has bused Jericho open, Shawn is bleeding like Ric Flair an all four men are down as Jeff Hardy joins the fray. He goes after everyone, even using Jericho for Poetry in Motion and taking out DX with Whisper in the Wind. Umaga stops him and dominates for a bit with the biggest move being his running ASS SMASH to Jericho through the chamber glass. Holy shit! When they get back in the ring, Umaga eats Sweet Chin Music, a Codebreaker, a Pedigree and then a Swanton Bomb from the top of a pod! That is clearly enough to do him in at 19:46. 

Chris Jericho got the cover and gets up right into Sweet Chin Music, so Jeff Hardy pins and eliminates him at 19:54. Rapid fire stuff here. Shawn is a mess and he gets hit with the Swanton Bomb. Triple H throws Jeff outside and hits the Pedigree on his best friend to eliminate Shawn at the 20:28 mark. Trips and Jeff slug it out outside and Jeff connects with a DDT on the steel. He busts Hunter open by throwing him into the steel a few times. Jeff takes a risk and it nearly costs him but he reverses a Pedigree. He misses a Swanton though and gets the Pedigree but somehow kicks out! The crowd looks legit stunned. He tries it again but Jeff low blows him and hits the Twist of Fate on a steel chair. Or does he? Triple H countered it I guess and nails the Pedigree on the chair to win.

Winner: Triple H in 24:55
Better than the previous Elimination Chamber. My main issue was the quick barrage of eliminations and that I wish we got a bit more time between Jeff and Hunter. Besides that, this was really good and I especially loved how Umaga looked like a total monster. ****

Overall: 5/10; Mediocre. About half of the show is good. The two Chambers are the best part of the show and the ECW Title match is solid. Besides that, Randy Orton/John Cena underwhelmed, the World Title was lackluster because of Rey’s injury and Kennedy/Flair was there. The main issue was that everything was predictable on the show with the exception of Orton keeping the belt. Anyway, middle of the pack show. Next on “Random Network Reviews” is One Night Stand 2007!