Last week, I made the bold choice to rank my picks for the top ten WrestleMania matches. While that was fun, this week we go on the opposite spectrum, looking at the worst of the worst. There have been plenty of bad matches at WrestleMania and it was tough to narrow it down. Right off the bat, I'm not including any matches that were too short to really be matches, so that leaves out Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan, Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero, etc. Also, the history of women's matches in WrestleMania has mostly been bad and could probably take up an entire list so I tried to mix it up but the Playboy tags from WM20 and 24 nearly made it along with Melina vs. Ashley from 23 and a few others. This isn't a definitive list, just my picks for the worst.
10. Street Fight: Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon – WrestleMania
XXVI
Four year earlier, Vince McMahon was involved in a really
fun Street Fight against Shawn Michaels. Going back further, he also had
enjoyable Street Fights against his son, Shane McMahon, and Hulk Hogan.
However, by the time WrestleMania XXVI rolled around in 2010, Vince was really
starting to get up there in age. Add in that he was facing Bret Hart, who was
in pretty terrible shape at the time and couldn’t carry Vince, and that should
have led to a simple concept. Make the match short and overbook it. They
brought the Hart Family in, siding with Vince before quickly revealing they
were still with Bret, and if that had to be done, they should have all helped
beat up Vince. Once that was done, Bret could do one or two things, avenge the
Montreal screwjob and beat Vince. Instead, they drew this out for about eleven
boring minutes and gave Vince way more offense than he should have gotten.
Whoever thought it should go that long and not just be a complete squash should
have been canned on the spot. At least Bret did win.
9. Catfight: The Kat vs. Terri Runnels – WrestleMania 2000
There have been worse WrestleManias, but WrestleMania 2000
may be the strangest. In an effort to get everyone on the card, without the
benefit of a battle royal, there were no traditional singles matches. Literally
every match was either a tag team, six man tag, Fatal Four Way or Triple
Threat. The closest thing to a traditional singles match was this “Catfight”
between the Kat and Terri Runnels. The rules were basically that of a Sumo
Wrestling match (Akebono vs. Big Show nearly made this list by the way), where
the loser would be the woman tossed out of the ring. Terri had Mae Young at
ringside, while Kat had the Fabulous Moolah. Val Venis, seemingly the only
healthy guy on the roster not booked, was the special referee. The match was
pretty painful since neither girl was ever any good, but it was made all the
worse by the overbooking finish. Thanks to distractions, Val Venis missed Kat
win it twice and only saw when Terri threw her out of the ring, giving her the
win. Nobody cared and the fans only popped when Kat stripped Terri after the
bell.
8. Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice – WrestleMania VIII
Speaking of Sid, his WrestleMania 13 WWF Title match
against Undertaker was very close to making this list. Instead, I went with his
only other Mania appearance, and yes, this one inexplicably also main evented.
Originally, the plan was for Hulk Hogan to headline this WrestleMania against
Ric Flair. Apparently, the matches didn’t draw much on house shows, Hogan
wanted to leave to act and the WWE was dealing with the infamous steroid
scandal. Plans changed and Hogan was booked against Sid. They were given the
main event slot and proceeded to have the worst main event in WrestleMania
history. Hogan and Sid did a whole lot of nothing for about ten minutes before
leading to a non-finish. Papa Shango was supposed to run in and break up the
pin after Hogan hit the Leg Drop. He missed his cue so Sid kicked out, joining
rare company. Shango still ran out and gave us a very anti-climactic finish,
which set up the return of the Ultimate Warrior. Warrior would be gone again
before the end of the year and Hogan was done outside of a lackluster first
half of 1993 run until 2002.
7. Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal – WrestleMania XXV
Originally, I wasn’t going to include any Battle Royals.
Outside of a select few (WrestleMania XXX or WrestleMania 2), they’re usually
unmemorable and feature a lot of standing around. I just had to include this
for the sheer awfulness of it all. The WWE hyped this as a return for many
Divas of the past. While it still probably wouldn’t have been very good, it
could have been fun. What we got was far from fun. Greats like Lita and Trish
Stratus turned down offers to return and the ladies who did return, were
completely ignored. While ladies like Victoria, Gail Kim and others made their
entrances, they weren’t even announced because we had to be subjected to a
lengthy Kid Rock concert during this time. Yes, Kid Rock was more important
than the Divas division. The eliminations were treated like they pretty much
didn’t even happen and to make matters even worse, a man won. Santino Marella,
a great comedy character, dressed in drag as his “sister” Santina Marella (in a
rare totally unfunny gimmick for him) won the whole thing, rendering all of it
pointless and making the Divas division a total joke.
6. WWF Championship: Yokozuna (c) vs. Lex Luger –
WrestleMania X
Interestingly enough, this is the only WWF/WWE
Championship match to crack this list. In the summer of 1993, Lex Luger dropped
his Narcissist gimmick and became a patriotic goof. He didn’t get over the way
the company wanted him to. He got a title shot at SummerSlam but only beat
Yokozuna by countout (and still celebrated like he won the belt, making himself
look like an idiot). He and Bret Hart would co-win the Royal Rumble and both
got title shots at WrestleMania. Luger went up first and their match had a
special referee in Mr. Perfect. Their SummerSlam match wasn’t anything I would
consider good, but it was far better than the rematch. This lacked drama,
intrigue and by this point, Luger was, at best, the number two babyface on the
roster. Much like the SummerSlam match though, Luger came out looking like a
clown. He got himself disqualified by provoking Mr. Perfect and cost himself
another big match. The match and Luger in general, were complete failures.
Anytime someone gets pushed and comes up short often, you can kind of call it
“Lugering”.
5. WWF Women’s Championship: Sable (c) vs. Tori – WrestleMania
XV
The history of Divas matches at WrestleMania is not a good
one. From Melina vs. Ashley to the Playboy pillow fights, Lumberjill and
evening gown matches to the aforementioned Battle Royal, a lot of them have
absolutely stunk. Some of those, like the pillow fights, really had no chance
of being a good match. Considering the women involved in this one, it didn’t
stand a chance either but at least it was an actual one on one wrestling match.
They were given an actual storyline to work with that wasn’t too bad. Sable
became a self-obsessed Diva while Tori debuted as her stalker. The WWE would
this feud much better a few years later between Trish Stratus and Mickie James,
who would go on to have the best women’s match in WrestleMania history. Still,
it was fresh and alright here. Sable took advantage of Tori and it led to this
match. The girls went out and had a rather horrible match that is only
remembered, if at all, for the debut of Nicole Bass as Sable’s enforcer. Even
with all of the bad women’s matches in Mania history, this was the worst.
4. Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg – WrestleMania XX
Honestly, this was probably better than the Sable/Tori
match. However, it ranks higher (or lower considering this list) because it was
the most disappointing ever. Between the late 90’s and early 2000’s, Brock
Lesnar and Goldberg were two of the best booked monsters in history. With both
guys officially on the WWE roster during 2003, there was hope that they would
meet. However, Goldberg was on Raw, while Lesnar spent his time on Smackdown.
Starting at the 2004 Royal Rumble, the men began to interact, with Goldberg
even costing Brock the WWE Championship. Their match was set and it could have
been a glorious hoss battle. Instead, both men were set to part ways with the
company and that information leaked to the masses. With WrestleMania XX taking
place in New York City, in front of a smark crowd that knew all of this
beforehand, the match got eaten alive. Both guys got mercifully booed out of
the building and nobody cared about the result of the match since both men were
on their way out. Even guest referee Steve Austin couldn’t save things.
Goldberg won but both men ate Stunners after the bell.
3. Hell in a Cell: Big Bossman vs. The Undertaker –
WrestleMania XV
I know that the WWF was in the midst of one of, in not
their absolute hottest periods in 1999, but man, WrestleMania XV sucked ass.
Most of the show was extremely lackluster but this match proved to be the worst
of the worst. The Undertaker had just formed the Ministry of Darkness and was
involved in an incredibly confusing angle with the Corporation and Vince
McMahon. Right off the bat, the idea of a heel vs. heel angle didn’t come off
as intriguing. Then, the Big Bossman was chosen as Undertaker’s opponent and
that also didn’t interest most people. Bossman was really good in his prime,
but he was way past it here. As if they knew this would be bad, especially
given Undertaker’s string of garbage matches in 1999, they decided to have it
take place inside Hell in a Cell. At this point, we’d only seen two Cell
matches and both were classics. Undertaker and Shawn Michaels had the best Cell
ever and then Undertaker pretty much killed Mick Foley almost a year later. This
was not only a far cry from that, it would also go down as the worst Cell match
of all time. There was no flow to the match, nobody bought Bossman as a threat
and it totally sucked. The only memorable thing was Bossman being hung from the
top of the cell after the match.
2. Giant Gonzalez vs. The Undertaker – WrestleMania IX
In the early 90’s, the WWE liked to book the Undertaker
against seemingly larger than life characters who didn’t bring much to the
ring. Giant Gonzalez totally epitomized that. He was nearly eight feet tall and
legitimately towered over the Undertaker. It was a sight for fans to see. It
would have been better if Gonzalez wasn’t in the ridiculous outfit that he was
given, with airbrushed muscles and strategically placed body hair. If you could
think of a weakness in a performer, Gonzalez had all of them. Those were
completely exposed during the actual match, which was one of the worst I’ve
ever witnessed. Undertaker had his fair share of duds during the streak but
none topped this. Not only was it terrible but the finish was beyond awful. Of
all of the Undertaker’s WrestleMania wins, this was the only one to not come
via pinfall or submission as he scored a meager disqualification victory over
the worst performer he ever faced. The fact that this was the worst match on
one of the worst Manias and featured the one asterisk of Undertaker’s streak is
nearly enough to top the list.
1. Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole – WrestleMania XXVII
Oh my goodness, this is atrocious. It honestly might have
been the single worst wrestling match I’ve ever seen. I’ve admittedly never
been a fan of Jerry Lawler but understand that he’s had a Hall of Fame career
and deserved at least one WrestleMania moment. That’s fine. The problem was
everything else about this idea. Michael Cole wasn’t a good heel. He was just
incredibly annoying and had go away heat, rather than heel heat. Their rivalry
took over shows, ruining plenty of matches with their squabbling. However, if
they absolutely HAD to do Cole/Lawler as the one Lawler WrestleMania match,
then it should have been Lawler squashing Cole to shut him up after months of
him being a giant pain in the ass. Of course, we didn’t get that. Cole and
Lawler inexplicably went on for more than ten minutes and featured a LOT of
offense from Michael Cole for some piss poor reason. To make matters even worse
somehow, after Lawler got his win, the anonymous General Manager chimed in and
reversed the decision, giving Cole the win and allowing this horseshit feud to
continue for a few more months. Words can’t describe how terrible this truly
was.
In a totally unsurprising move, Raw opened up with Stephanie McMahon coming to the ring. She announced that Triple H wasn't in the building due to work and not due to Roman Reigns. This brought out Reigns, giving us a very familiar scene to start Raw. At least they kept it short as Reigns blocked a slap from Stephanie and said that he was the authority now. I didn't know that's all it took to get a position of power in the WWE. Nothing was really accomplished in the segment either and the crowd was 50/50 at best for Reigns. The opening match was much better as AJ Styles took on Kevin Owens. They allowed them to work through two commercial breaks, giving them nearly twenty minutes to do their thing. It could have been up there with New Day/Y2AJ for best Raw match in 2016 but they rehashed the same finish from Smackdown and it took away from it for me. Owens won via Chris Jericho distraction. Owens got on the mic and said that nobody deserved a shot at his title at KOMania. Out came Dolph Ziggler, the Miz and Sami Zayn to stake their claim. There would be a Triple Threat match later on to determine the top contender.
Big Show came out to talk and promote the yearly Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. The Social Outcasts interrupted and ended up fighting with Show until Kane came out. The two old behemoths cleared the ring and then Kane hit a hideous chokeslam off the top rope on Kane. Moving on, they did a WrestleMania 29 rematch with Chris Jericho and Fandango. AJ Styles showed up to distract Jericho, but looked like an idiot because it backfired and Jericho just beat Fandango. Jericho ran from AJ, who challenged him to a match at the one place he's never wrestled before, WrestleMania. Jericho walked away before responding. It's here that things just got plain stupid. Owens had the Triple Threat contender's match made but not with Zayn, Ziggler and Miz. Instead, it was Sin Cara, Stardust and Zack Ryder. He did it as a joke. The other three showed up and somehow there was a DQ in a Triple Threat match. All six guys beat up Owens, who complained to Stephanie in the back. Stephanie announced a seven man ladder match for Mania. Why? You literally just told us that three of the guys are jokes. Why was there a DQ? Why are Owens and Zayn tossed into a multi-man match that makes no sense when Kalisto and Ryback get the singles match at Mania? What fucking sense does any of this make? Just so unbelievably stupid. I love Stardust but on what planet does he, Ryder and Cara belong here?
All night, they hyped a "special Hell in a Cell announcement" from Mr. McMahon himself. He came out and said that Undertaker is his bitch and if he loses at WrestleMania, it will be his last. It's kind of a dumb, anti-climactic stipulation since if Shane wins, he could just reverse that ruling. Super lame segment. Dean Ambrose came out and passed Vince on his way out, for a dull main event. He took on the incredibly boring Braun Strowman and their match got a "this is boring" chant. It really was. Dean ended up going for the chair and getting himself DQed. It was done to show that he can take out a bigger opponent, as Paul Heyman nervously watched on commentary. However, it was a shit way to close the show. This was a very lackluster Raw. It's like the WWE's road to WrestleMania has been bad for the past few years. Most of the first hour was great but everything else was shit and a vast majority of the show fell very flat. 4/10.
