5) Rick "The Model" Martel: Rick Martel is one of the earliest occupational gimmicks that I can recall. Looking back, he was good with Strike Force, but it wasn't until he donned the "Model" gimmick that he became memorable. I don't remember if he won any gold with the character, but it certainly was how I was able to remember him. I do know that he came close to winning the Intercontinental Title in 1993, but fell short. Still, he stayed pretty relevant with the character for a few years, which is more than a lot of people in these gimmicks can say.
4) Doink The Clown: If the entire Doink the Clown run was done by Matt Osbourne, he'd certainly rank higher. During his run in 1993, Osbourne absolutely nailed the Doink character. He not only delivered when in the ring, but he just got the character and made it work. His run as a heel was some of the finest stuff going in 1993 and he even did well when turning face. He was so enthralling in the role that it was hard to not list him. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to play Doink for the entire run and the multiple people who followed him just couldn't quite capture the magic. Their performances, along with the addition of Dink, made Doink into a joke and he became pretty unwatchable.
3) The Mountie: Maybe there were better options to list here to some, but dammit, I always enjoyed the Mountie. He was such a ridiculously goofy heel, but he threw himself into the role so well that he parlayed it into success. In 1992, he actually won the Intercontinental, and though it was only for a few days, it is still an accomplishment that a lot of guys with occupational gimmicks never got. Not only that, but a little over a year later, they added Pierre and made a tag team called the Quebecers. I've been watching Raws from 1993 and 1994 recently and have found that they were usually a highlight of the show. They even held the Tag Team Titles a few times. Not bad for an occupational gimmick.
2) Val Venis: The only occupational gimmick from the Attitude Era that fit in as well as Val's was the Godfather. I picked Val over him though for a few reasons. Val fucking nailed the porn star role. Seriously, remember his vignettes? They were unbelievably cheesy and had no right to work. But, Val threw himself into the role and I couldn't help but enjoy it. He had the voice and the mannerisms down and took something that shouldn't have worked and found success. He won multiple midcard titles, and did different things with the character to change things up, but always found a way to be relevant and over in an era crowded with top stars.
1) Big Bossman: When I read the theme for this top five, Big Bossman was the first guy to come to mind. He was one of the few guys that was able to make the gimmick work very well as both a face and a heel. He got very over in both situations and was always one of the better big men in the ring in history. When he left to WCW, things didn't work out so well but he always found a way to be rather relevant in the WWE. Even after returning in the Attitude Era, he changed things up donning the black Shield like attire and was a major part of the Corporation, even holding both the Hardcore and Tag Team Titles at the same time.
WWE TLC
December 4th, 2016 | American Airlines Arena in Dallas, Texas
The recent trend of not announcing the Kickoff match beforehand continued. Smackdown threw as many midcard guys in as possible when Apollo Crews, American Alpha and the Hype Bros joined forces to take on the Vaudevillains, the Ascension and Curt Hawkins. This was your typical multi-man tag match, with American Alpha, Mojo’s dancing and Apollo’s baldness were highlights. AA got the win for their team with Grand Amplitude on Simon Gotch at 12:02 (**¾)
WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship: Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton w/ Luke Harper def. Heath Slater and Rhyno (c) in 5:52
Short and to the point. The new Wyatt Family has revitalized both Bray and Randy and it is the most interesting run for either guy in years. For the most part, this was a standard tag match but what put it over the hump and made it stand out to me was the interactions between the Wyatts. They again played into the Wyatts being willing to sacrifice themselves for one another when Harper took a Gore for Randy. Rhyno went inside and stopped at the sight of Bray’s weird crab walk. Orton snuck in with the RKO and they won the titles. After the match, Bray and Randy put the titles on Harper’s shoulders and they all posed. If this means the Freebird rule for the Wyatts, I’m all for it. A fun sprint that did what it needed to and the right team won. I can’t ask for much more. ***
No Disqualifications: Nikki Bella def. Carmella in 7:56
It was a small touch, but Nikki Bella having her hair braided so it wouldn’t get pulled in a scrap added to this. Both women had their hands taped as well. Their main weapon of choice throughout this was a kendo stick, which adds to the fact that the Falls Count Anywhere match on Raw shouldn’t have happened since they used that weapon too. Carmella continued to excel in her heel role, while Nikki did a good job of garnering sympathy. She pulled a Charlotte and stopped selling the leg work during her comeback, which was unfortunate. Nikki went into the longest fire extinguisher spray spot in history before winning with the Rack Attack 2.0. Good intensity, though it did lack at some points. I think it was partially hurt by there being another similar match on Monday. **¾
After the match, Carmella revealed that she knows it was Natalya who attacked Nikki. Why not have Natalya show up and cost Nikki the match then? Also, in classic WWE timing, they immediately go to a commercial where Natalya helps a fan propose. Good going.
WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match: The Miz (c) w/ Maryse def. Dolph Ziggler in 25:10
At Backlash and No Mercy, these two had their best matches ever and the rivalry made me care about Dolph again. I think it has gone on too long but this was the final encounter. While I think this match was good, it wasn’t on the level of their previous two PPV ones. It felt like they weren’t entirely sure what kind of ladder match they wanted to have. At some points it felt like they were going for a big spot kind and at other points it felt like a grudge match style one. There were times where it felt like it was dragging and other times where it was awesome. Again, I think Miz was the star, stealing Daniel Bryan taunts and offense throughout. He finally used some low blows to get free enough to retain in a good but not great match. ***¼
Miz cut a post-match promo cutting down Dolph, Daniel Bryan and Dallas for being losers.
Chairs Match: Baron Corbin def. Kalisto in 12:51
I know there isn’t much competition, but this was far and away the best chairs match ever. I still don’t exactly get the point of this stipulation but Corbin and Kalisto were out to show that they could use chairs in a creative way. Kalisto was awesome here, flying all over the place and playing the resilient underdog very well. Corbin continues to do a great job in his role, bullying Kalisto at every opportunity. Both men showed a mean streak and we got some cool moments like a Kalisto rana spike onto chairs and Corbin’s deep six onto the floor. In the end, Kalisto got caught with the End of Days onto a pile of chairs as Corbin won the best match of either man’s WWE careers. ***½
WWE Smackdown Women’s Championship Tables Match: Alexa Bliss def. Becky Lynch (c) in 15:07
Like the chairs match, it can be hard to have a good tables match. These two did well and continued to show that the women of Smackdown are consistently solid. Becky attacked right away, fitting into the storyline. I think they did a good job of keeping the match personal while also building towards the suspense of the eventual table spot to end things. There were some smart moments, like Alexa not being able to counter Becky so she flipped the table over instead. This included some creativity at points that I enjoyed. My favorite thing was how the eye rake played into the finish. On Talking Smack this past week, Miz pointed out that the eye rake could prove fatal since it worked on Becky on Smackdown. It did here as Alexa used it to open a powerbomb off the apron spot through a table that won her the title. I think Becky should have had a longer reign but Alexa has been great since the draft so it’s all good. ***¼
WWE World Championship TLC Match: AJ Styles (c) def. Dean Ambrose in 31:01
Wisely, this was another match that began with brawling. These guys hate each other and this is how it should be. AJ Styles again starred here, taking insane bumps. Dean set up a ladder on top of an announce table and then put AJ through the other table with a big elbow off it. AJ would top that with an insane springboard 450 splash through a table outside. How AJ walked after that is beyond me. Dean did his part but this felt like the AJ Styles show. They beat each other up without many slow points despite this going for over half an hour. When it looked like AJ would win, James Ellsworth came out and distracted him. Dean hit AJ with Dirty Deeds on the steps and had an opening to win. AJ did his best Roman Reigns and got up almost instantly from that big spot. He was still knocked off the ladder only for Ellsworth to turn on Dean and tilt the ladder over, sending him through tables. AJ recovered and retrieved the title to retain. I wish we got more of a clean finish but it did make sense within the story they’ve been telling for weeks. Delusional Ellsworth on Talking Smack after this was a highlight. I wish AJ would have sold the Dirty Deeds more too. Still, this was fantastic up until those parts in the end. ****
Overall: 8/10. Smackdown is three for three in enjoyable PPVs since the split. Not a single thing on the show was bad as the lowest score I gave was **¾ for the kickoff and No DQ matches. Corbin and Kalisto exceeded expectations, while the Wyatt Family is more interesting than ever before. Miz and Ziggler had a good match, as did Alexa and Becky. AJ Styles delivered another top notch PPV performance as well. Smackdown continues to take things that shouldn’t work (Ellsworth, a three month Carmella/Nikki feud, Slater & Rhyno, Randy Wyatt, etc.) and it all comes together so well.
Winner: Baron Corbin
Winner: Nikki Bella
Winners: Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton
Winner: Becky Lynch
Winner: The Miz
Winner: AJ Styles
2016 Prediction Record: 62-38
2015 Prediction Record: 60-35
Raw History
Episode #67
June 20th, 1994 | Westchester County Center in White Plains, New York
We are live just 24 hours removed from the King of the Ring Pay-Per-View! The biggest news from that show was that Diesel and Bret Hart had a great match that ended via disqualification, while Owen Hart won the King of the Ring tournament. Also, Roddy Piper and Jerry Lawler stunk up the joint. Tonight, Gorilla Monsoon is on commentary with Macho Man.
Diesel w/ Shawn Michaels vs. Mark Thomas
This is obviously a non-title affair. Diesel dominates the jacked Mark Thomas. Shawn Michaels gets in a cheap shot outside because that’s what heels do. Diesel goes through his five or six moves and wins with the Jackknife.
Winner: Diesel in 4:00
Typical Diesel squash. Again, it was kind of clear that he was going places fast.
King of the Ring Report time! Todd Pettengill recaps the night and says that Owen Hart will now be known as the King of Harts. Jim Neidhart returned to corner Bret Hart during the WWF Title match and attacked Diesel, leading to the DQ. He then assisted Owen in winning the tournament and sided with him.
Number One Contender’s Match
1-2-3 Kid vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/ Ted Dibiase
The winner gets a WWF Title shot in THREE WEEKS! Kid wrestled twice the night before and sold an injury. He also had one of, if not the best, under five minute matches in history. Volkoff hasn’t really earned a shot but I guess Dibiase bought him this spot. Here, we have a big styles clash and Volkoff overpowers Kid from the get go. Kid bumps for him until he starts to light up Volkoff with those educated feet. Kid scores some near falls with rollups. Volkoff does hit some big moves but none of them look very good. Kid pulls him into a small package to become the number one contender.
Winner: 1-2-3 Kid in 6:04
Their styles did not mesh well. 1-2-3 Kid has been one of the better performers in Raw history and Volkoff was way past his prime. At least this sets up Kid/Bret. *¼
Nikolai Volkoff and Ted Dibiase attack the 1-2-3 Kid until Virgil of all people make the save. He fails miserably though because he’s Virgil. Lex Luger has to come out and save both of them. Ted Dibiase surprisingly gives Luger a thumbs up and leaves. CONTROVERSY!
Next week, Mabel vs. Bigelow!
Yokozuna w/ Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette vs. Nick Barberri
Yokozuna has nothing to do now that Earthquake is gone. Gorilla Monsoon says that the other Natural Disaster, Typhoon, is coming for Yokozuna. Oh no. Yokozuna destroys the jobber and he’s not even worth a Banzai drop.
Winner: Yokozuna in 2:25
Hey, it was kept short, which is how I like my Yokozuna squash matches.
As Typhoon makes his entrance, he is blocked by Yokozuna. During a commercial break, Yokozuna takes a swing, but Typhoon blocked it and leveled him.
Typhoon vs. Black Phantom
Black Phantom is still Gangrel from what I can tell. Typhoon tosses him around easily. He wins with the Tidal Wave.
Winner: Typhoon in 2:29
Ho hum. They tried building to Typhoon vs. Yokozuna, but I don’t believe Typhoon stuck around much longer after this.
Time for another King’s Court. I’m guessing it will be a dreadful episode since the guest is Duke Droese. We are shown clips of Duke dumping garbage on Jerry Lawler on Superstars. Lawler throws insults as Duke, who responds by saying that Lawler stinks too much for even the trash man. He goes to leave but Lawler attacks and beats him up with the trash can.
The Heavenly Bodies w/ Jim Cornette vs. Jim Powers and Russ Greenberg
Jim Cornette gets on commentary and announces that the Headshrinkers are being forced to defend the WWF Tag Team Titles against the Heavenly Bodies. He even calls them 98 pound weaklings. Jim Powers does his best to make this competitive, with a few near falls. The Bodies bust out some double team moves and Del Rey pins Greenberg with a moonsault press.
Winners: The Heavenly Bodies in 4:02
More competitive than most squash matches, but still nothing to write home about.
Gorilla Monsoon tells us that the WWF doesn’t condone the actions of Jerry Lawler and he must apologize on Raw next week. Cut to Ted Dibiase, who informs everyone that Lex Luger will be unstoppable with a million dollars backing him.
Overall: 2/10. Another weak episode of Monday night Raw. The big match wasn’t very good and the squashes weren’t either, but at least they were short. The King’s Court was again, a disaster and continues to make these episodes of Raw tough to get through. It’s like they are highlighting the wrong people.
Raw History
Episode #68
June 27th, 1994 | Westchester County Center in White Plains, New York
We start with a recap of the altercation between Jerry Lawler and Duke Droese. Duke speaks, saying that it’s one thing to hit him from behind, but it’s another to use his own trash can on him. Because the use of your own trash can is the real issue here. Lawler then speaks and can’t even bring himself to say “apologize”. He would rather get fined or suspended.
Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Luna Vachon vs. Mabel w/ Oscar
One of those classic Vince McMahon “big man vs. big man” clashes. Gorilla gets to use his tired “IRRESISTIBLE FORCE MEETS THE IMMOVABLE OBJECT” line. Bigelow shows that he’s far superior early but then Mabel starts to rally. Luna gets on the apron and ends up getting knocked off as Mabel is sent off the ropes. Bigelow lays out an absolutely winded Mabel and sees Oscar outside checking on Luna. Bigelow throws him aside. He must have heard Oscar rap. Mabel actually does an axe handle from the apron on Bigelow and they land on Luna. They continue to brawl until Mabel beats the count.
Winner via countout: Mabel in 3:29
Yea, this was a mess. The fact that, about two minutes into this, Mabel was visibly winded, should tell you something. ¼*
Ted Dibiase comes out to calm down Bigelow, who was arguing with the official. MORE CONTROVERSY! We then see that Ted Dibiase brought back the “Undertaker” two weeks ago on Superstars and the Undertaker won a match on this past week’s Superstars.
IRS vs. Rich Myers
Hey, no IRS “YOU’RE ALL TAX CHEATS” promo tonight. I appreciate it. The match itself though, was still typical IRS boring stuff. He wins with an STF.
Winner: IRS in 2:24
IRS is boring. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it.
The King’s Court is with Jim Neidhart tonight. He comes out to the old Hart Foundation theme and says that he turned on Bret because Bret was always ungrateful for everything Neidhart did for him. Owen Hart comes out with the crown, cape and scepter. He bashes Bret and says that he’s coming for a title shot. Hey, it’s an entertaining edition of the King’s Court.
The Headshrinkers w/ Captain Lou Albano vs. The Executioners
Did Afa get fired? While the Tag Team Champions beat up the jobbers, Gorilla Monsoon says that Ted Dibiase is having some sort of confrontation backstage with someone. They seem to want to send the cameras to the back but never do it. The match drags and the Headshrinkers win with a splash.
Winners: The Headshrinkers in 4:55
Overly long. Maybe they have technical issues since they never went backstage and maybe that’s why the match went a big long.
We now go backstage to Ted Dibiase, who is seemingly working out a deal with Bigelow.
Kwang w/ Harvey Wippleman vs. Mike Moraldo
Kwang’s offense is seemingly a million kicks. I honestly wonder if he has anything else in his arsenal. He spits the mist during the match and wins with, you guessed it, a spinning heel kick.
Winner: Kwang in 3:28
Another match that isn’t very good. Kwang is another guy who has squash matches that don’t impress me.
Lex Luger vs. Mike Bell
We see Ted Dibiase watch from the curtain like some kind of peeping Tom. Luger is like, the only dude to get a near fall in a squash when he tries a schoolboy. Luger then uses the Torture Rack for the submission.
Winner: Lex Luger in 2:57
Sign, Lex Luger is a terrible face. This was lame.
Lex Luger poses a ton in the spotlight and Macho Man considers joining him, but can’t get his jacket off. Yea, it was pretty strange.
Overall: 1.5/10. It’s pretty telling when the only positive thing about a show in the King’s Court. The marquee match was horrible and the rest of the show wasn’t much better. There’s a nostalgia factor watching these old Raws, but some are just downright putrid.
Raw History
Episode #69
July 4th, 1994 | Westchester County Center in White Plains, New York
Jeff Jarrett vs. Tatanka
They start with some uninspired mat work before Tatanka hits a back drop. He seems to be packing on the pounds as of late. The fight spills outside, which gets Macho Man unexpectedly excite. Jarrett shoves Tatanka into the ring post and wins via countout in 6:14. BUT WAIT! Jarrett grabs a microphone and says that unlike Macho Man, he won’t take a countout win and wants the match restarted. They really had plans for Jarrett/Savage didn’t they? The match restarts and Jarrett works a chinlock. Tatanka fights out but Jarrett goes back to it for an EXTENDED period of time. Tatanka finally rallies and hits the flying chop. Jarrett quits and goes to walk away, but runs into Dink and Doink, who threaten him with a bucket of water. He runs in the ring and is rolled up for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Tatanka in 13:40
I wish this ended in 6:14. That portion of the math was decent. The rest was incredibly boring and they just sat around doing next to nothing. Seemed like a house show match. ¾*
Time for the King’s Court. Again. His guest is the 1-2-3 Kid. Jerry Lawler wants the Kid to beat Bret Hart because he hates him. Hilariously, Kid calls him “Mr. Lawler” and says that he respects “Mr. Bret Hart”, claiming that he’s the best wrestler in the world. Kid continues to play the respectful card while Lawler wants him to get angry but he doesn’t.
Jim Neidhart w/ Owen Hart vs. Gary Scott
Completely one-sided as Neidhart just dominates. Owen shouts into the camera that both he and Jim carried Bret at different points in their careers. Gorilla Monsoon straight ups says that they were the weak links. Dang. Neidhart hits a powerslam to win.
Winner: Jim Neidhart in 4:00
One-sided, which is how it had to be. Neidhart got to look as good as he could.
Duke Droese vs. “Iron” Mike Sharpe
I love me some Mike Sharpe! There isn’t enough loud selling from him in this for me to enjoy it. I mean, there’s some, but not enough to make up for Duke’s lack of talent. He scores with an elbow to win.
Winner: Duke Droese in 3:58
Another standard squash from a dull worker.
It’s the debut of the classic “BREEEETTTT” commercial.
The “Undertaker” w/ Ted Dibiase vs. Mike Bell
It’s clear that this Undertaker is shorter than the original, but props to Brian Lee as his imitating is pretty good. He wins with a tombstone.
Winner: The “Undertaker” in 4:03
Typical squash but again, I’d like to comment Brian Lee. Knowing that he’s not the Undertaker is kind of clear now, but I can picture myself and a lot of people not being able to tell the difference back then.
Paul Bearer shows up with the urn, trying to get the Undertaker to come back to him. Ted Dibiase combats that with money but Undertaker is having none of it. However, two handfuls of cash sways his decision, leaving Bearer to exit shaking his head. Also, the King’s Court will feature Ted Dibiase next week, but it will not be live in the arena.
Overall: 2.5/10. Better than the last few episodes, but by the slimmest of margins. Again, the main match failed to deliver the squashes weren’t really entertaining. I did think that the King’s Court was alright and I actually rather enjoyed the Undertaker impersonation. Oh well, next week it’s Hart/Kid which should turn things around.
Armageddon 2005
December 18th, 2005 | Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island | Attendance: 8,000
The final Pay-Per-View event of the year 2005 is a Smackdown exclusive show. An interesting note for this event is that the World Heavyweight Title is not defended. Actually, the Cruiserweight Championship is the only belt on the line. That’s not something you see very often. This would be the sixth of nine Armageddon Pay-Per-View events.
The opening video package hypes the main event match between Randy Orton and the Undertaker and their feud that spanned 2005.
John “Bradshaw” Layfield w/ Jillian Hall vs. Matt Hardy
JBL cuts a promo beforehand about how this is the pinnacle of Matt’s career. He throws in some serious jabs, including one about Matt losing Lita to a “main event wrestler”. Ouch. Matt attacks from behind because of this. JBL quickly turns it around and ties Matt’s head up in the ring ropes, big booting him. JBL stays in in control for a while, beating on Matt. Matt finally starts to make a bit of a rally but it is never threatening and then JBL hits the Clothesline from Hell, earning a fairly easy win.
Winner: JBL in 6:44
So, this wasn’t what I expected. I mean, I figured JBL would be the aggressor, but Matt Hardy barely got anything in. This was basically a prolonged squash, which isn’t how you want to start your Pay-Per-View. *
We get footage from Smackdown where Melina banged Batista to try and get him to not face MNM later in the night. Then, when they finished, Batista was all like “Thanks, but I’m still gonna kill MNM”. He then proceeded to do that and win the Tag Titles with Rey Mysterio. Then we cut backstage where the Mexicools tried to run a train on Melina in exchange for canceling the match. Yup, this actually happened.
The Mexicools vs. MNM w/ Melina
This was originally supposed to be for the straps from what I can tell but the title change this past Friday made this a normal tag. The first big spot comes as Psicosis does a corkscrew dive onto MNM. Super Crazy goes to follow but Charles Robinson stops him, so he just jumps over him. Super Crazy could still do decent stuff despite getting pretty out of shape by this point. Both teams trade relatively impressive double team moves for near falls. Psicosis begins to play the face in peril, which works since MNM had gotten good at drawing heat. Super Crazy gets the hot tag and does his thing. Melina gets involved but is knocked to the floor. Crazy comes close to winning but Nitro breaks up the pin. He and Mercury then win with Snapshot.
Winners: MNM in 8:55
Solid tag team match here. This should have opened things as the crowd was very anti-MNM and were much more into this than the opener. They worked tag formula well, played to their strengths and had a good match. MNM was a damn good team that probably got split too early. ***
Booker T and Sharmell are interviewed about Booker’s upcoming match. It’ll be match four in the best of seven against Chris Benoit. Booker is up 3-0 and is looking for a sweep.
Match Four in Best of Seven Series
Booker T w/ Sharmell vs. Chris Benoit
Their Best of Seven in WCW was great, but I wasn’t a huge fan of the first match in this series, which I reviewed a few months back. The early goings are different than expected as it is Booker who is timid, despite having a commanding lead. Neither guy really gains a real advantage for a rather long time. Booker finally seems to when he knocks Benoit outside. Things start picking up as they go back and forth. Booker has the triple Germans scouted so he counters, but eats another suplex anyway. Then Benoit goes into the Three Amigos, in honor of the recently deceased Eddie Guerrero. Benoit continues the barrage with the three Germans and signals for the end. Sharmell sneaks in with a low blow and Booker hits the Scissors Kick for two. The crowd absolutely believed that false finish. Benoit goes back to the Germans, hitting another trio. We get a ref bump before Benoit locks in the Sharpshooter and Booker taps. Sharmell hits Benoit with the broom but Benoit no sells it, only for Booker to hit him. Benoit doesn’t care and locks in the Crossface, making Booker submit.
Winner: Chris Benoit in 20:09
Early on, this was pretty dull. What they were doing made sense but it just wasn’t very interesting. However, the third act of this match was pretty fun. I’m not fan of a ton of interference, but Benoit overcoming it all while the fans bit completely into everything was well done. ***¼
Teddy Long and Palmer Cannon come out to promote Christmas. Vito and Nunzio show up as Santa and an elf asking for gifts of their own. Cannon brings out the Boogeyman as their gift and he does his thing.
Even though the match isn’t on now, we get a lengthy video package chronicling the Randy Orton/Undertaker rivalry. I’ll admit, a lot of what they show looked pretty cool.
Bobby Lashley vs. Paul Burchill and William Regal
This is only a few months into Lashley’s run. Lashley no sells some of their offense but the numbers game takes its toll. However, even when Burchill nails a nice flying knee off the top, Lashley kicks out at one. Hell, while he’s feeling the effects of their work, Lashley suplexes the hell out of Regal. Lashley then goes off and wins, defeating two men on PPV.
Winner: Bobby Lashley in 3:38
About as good as one could expect considering this was a glorified squash match. ¾*
Josh Matthews is at the “Friendly Tap”, a bar owned by referee Tim White. White hasn’t officiated a match since he got injured while overseeing the Jericho/HHH Hell in a Cell match back in 2002. Tim White doesn’t really want to speak but when he finally does, he says that everyone in his life has left him and he’s been in pain since that night. Josh makes a terrible joke and White attempts to walk off screen to shoot himself with a shotgun. Yup, that’s two lame segments on this event.
WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Juventud (c) vs. Kid Kash
It’s like WCW and ECW collide on a WWE Pay-Per-View. Judging by Juvi’s waist, calling him a cruiserweight might be a stretch. He attacks before the bell to take the advantage, before botching a rana. Kash focuses on the leg arm of Juvi for a bit. I’m not sure how I feel about this since it seems like a random body part to work. Despite it being random, the work Kash does on it is solid. He tries a moonsault but Juvi gets his knees up. He then hits a massive top rope rana but the crowd doesn’t pop for it at all. Kash gets his foot on the bottom rope. Juvi just can’t put him away and misses a 450 leg drop. Kash then hits the Dead Level Brainbuster to win the gold.
Winner and New WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Kid Kash in 9:25
They were given a solid amount of time and did their best with it. The arm work was odd though as it only lasted a short while and then was forgotten about. Also, the crowd was completely dead for it and having both guys be heels didn’t help. **¼
Batista and Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show and Kane
Both teams currently reign as the Tag Team Champions of their respective brands in this interpromotional match. This was about six months before Show’s ECW run but he’s already pretty massive here. Batista starts against him and they play the game of Show overpowering him for a while. It’s cool to hear commentary be one-sided as they are firmly behind their Smackdown guys. When Rey and Kane come in, Kane no sells his stuff as much as possible. As expected, Big Show and Kane end up working a heat on Rey Mysterio, which is the clear way to go. The monsters on the resilient little man is perfect. One of the shots from Show to Rey is especially brutal. Instead of going for the hot tag though, Batista just gets pissed and charges in, taking Big Show out. Rey goes for the 619 but it’s blocked and he eats a massive Chokeslam for the finish.
Winners: Big Show and Kane in 8:37
There was potential for a pretty good match here but it didn’t get the time it needed. Mysterio is the perfect guy to build a hot tag with considering his size and how over he is, but instead they didn’t let it marinate and it felt very rushed. Take out the two nonsense segments we’ve had on this show and put that time here and you could have had a damn good match. **
Hell in a Cell
Randy Orton w/ Bob Orton vs. The Undertaker
I appreciate that Randy Orton doesn’t show much intimidation at the start or during Undertaker’s entrance. He’s beaten Undertaker before and should have some confidence. He uses his speed and athleticism early but strikes allow Taker to get in the driver’s seat. Orton is now beaten from pillar to post and gets busted open as Undertaker grates his face across the cell. Undertaker is being vicious, even choking a bloody Orton with a chain. Randy’s blood stains the ring post after he fails to use the steel steps and ends up sent into it. Orton pulls an RKO from out of his ass that hands Undertaker up on the top rope, swinging the momentum again. A successful steel stairs shot busts Undertaker open. The weapons continue to be used as Orton hits Undertaker with a chair but he is up quickly and throws Randy around outside. Inside, Taker misses a big elbow drop and Orton gets a table like his name is D-Von Dudley. It doesn’t get used yet though as Undertaker I sent outside, where Bob Orton pulls his hair through the cell. Taker turns it around and pulls him into the cell, giving us our third blade job of the match. Taker is in control inside, getting some near falls. It’s interesting to see how resilient Orton has looked throughout this. Orton puts Undertaker on the table and splashes him through it, overshooting it a bit, for two. After some counters, we get a ref bump. Uh-oh. Randy counters a Chokeslam into an ugly RKO. Nick Patrick, from a punch, becomes the fourth person to blade. With a new official running in, Bob Orton is also able to get in the cell. Orton takes the Last Ride and his dad pulls the referee out. Undertaker lays him out and goes back in. He tries a Tombstone but Orton counters and hits one of his own. He has the match won but the official takes too long and Undertaker sits up. He takes out Bob again before beating Randy with a Tombstone.
Winner: The Undertaker in 30:31
While I don’t think this match was bad, it is on the lesser side of Hell in a Cell matches. Not only was it easily forgettable, but I do feel like it was overly long. It didn’t need to be a half hour and while I liked Randy Orton looking resilient, there was a bit much going on. It’s like they tried to do a ton of extra stuff and it didn’t click the way it has in other situations. ***
Overall: 4.5/10; Below average. There was potential for this to be better than it was. There are some solid matches (HIAC, Benoit/Booker and the MNM tag), but the rest of the card underwhelmed and they wasted time with some overly long nonsense segments. It also felt longer than three hours, which is never good. Up next on “Random Network Reviews” will be Starrcade 1999!
Things start this week with a recap of the Dragon Azteca/Black Lotus/Pentagon Dark stories. During Aztec Warfare III two weeks ago, the Black Lotus Tribe arrived and cost Pentagon that match. Tonight, he runs the gauntlet against them.
In the back, Pentagon and Vampiro bump into each other for the first time since Pentagon attacked him at the end of Ultima Lucha Dos. Vampiro says that everyone pays for their sins and those he isn't his master anymore, he hasn't forgotten. Pentagon does the "zero fear" hand signal and walks off.
Gauntlet Match: The Black Lotus Triad def. Pentagon Dark in 26:09
Vampiro stayed quiet on commentary while Matt Striker ran down the setup of the match. First up is Doku, better known as Kari Hojo. She is great. The best intergender matches are the ones where they the guys don't hold back. Too often we get situations where the woman is portrayed as not being on the same level (though she's champion, this happens with Sexy Star a lot). Pentagon held nothing back, delivering a vicious superkick and some badass chops throughout. Pentagon was in control for most of it but Doku never looked out of place. She hit an awesome elbow but Pentagon caught her second one into the armbar and broke her arm! The referee called for the bell at 6:10.
After a commercial break, Jeremiah is working out backstage when Catrina comes up to him. She says that Ivelisse's injury is a shame. They know each other and Catrina says that he isn't love with Ivelisse, but in love with her. The stone around his neck was stolen from her but she's in love with someone else.
Back to Pentagon Dark who has a microphone and promises to break Black Lotus in two, Up next is Yurei, better known as the awesome Mayu Iwatani. Let's just say that I never expected to see Petagon vs. Iwatani. She fared better than Doku, hitting a big cross body and even laughing when Pentagon screamed for more kicks from her. She did hit a really weak looking shot with the ring bell. Pentagon fought back and twisted her leg in awkward ways. Yurei actually kicked his ass for the most part but made the mistake of somersaulting into position for a running package piledriver. Pentagon then broke her arm at 7:12 (13:22 cumulative) and is halfway home.
An angry Matanza is punching the wall of his cell. Dario Cueto shows up to tell him that he wins his title back next week. Matanza shouts "NO" and wants "MYSTERIO!" He punched his hands bloody and made a question mark symbol with the blood on the wall.
Hitokiri was next, which translates to assassin. Hitokori is Io Shirai and she's arguably the best of the three. Hitokiri brought it with a missile dropkick and high impact offense before bringing a chair into play. As this has progressed, Vampiro has made it seem more and more like he's the one behind it all. She dominated until Pentagon dropkicked her when she tried a handspring move. Pentagon's kicks were just brutal as was him throwing Hitokiri into a bunch of chairs. The violence factor got kicked up in this part of the gauntlet. Hitokiri climbed Dario's office and leapt off with an insane cross body. Back inside, she countered a Package Piledriver into a Canadian Destroyer to beat Pentagon at 12:47 (26:09 cumulative).
Black Lotus, flanked by Yurei and Doku holding their broken arms, picks up the pieces and breaks Pentagon's arm. She kicked the referee so there was no official decision on her portion. Pentagon/Doku was good, Yurei/Pentagon was better and then Hitokiri/Pentagon was insane. This got progressively better and more violent, before ending with Lotus getting revenge on Pentagon. Quite possibly the best intergender match I've seen and the best gauntlet match I can recall. ****
Dragon Azteca Jr. returned and has issues with both Lotus and Pentagon. He got in the ring and Black Lotus Triad calmly exited. Azteca grabbed Pentagon and broke his other arm. Pentagon now knows what his victims feel.
Prince Puma awakens in the coffin he was put in a few weeks ago. Vampiro is there and tells Puma to come with him.
Overall: 8.5/10. Once again, Lucha Underground does a one match show and totally nails it. Pentagon Dark against three of the best Japanese women's wrestlers was just as great as I hoped it would be. Not only did we get a great match but they advanced the story of Catrina/ivelisse, set up Matanza/Mysterio, brought back Prince Puma and added to the intrigue of Vampiro and even Jeremiah.
If you do want to check out Lucha Underground, which you absolutely should, and don't get El Rey Network (like me), you can sign up for the streaming service Fubo.TV. It's a great way to support the company and channel while streaming the show online. You can sign up and get Lucha Underground right here with Fubo.tv!
