WWE Raw Review 2/20/17

WWE Raw
February 20th, 2017 | Staples Center in Los Angeles, California

The show opened with a graphic remembering George “The Animal” Steele. Nothing for Ivan Koloff.

Next, a video recap was shown of the “Festival of Friendship.” Kevin Owens opened the show sitting in the ring with a spotlight on himself. He said the spotlight is finally solely on him. Owens chose to talk about Goldberg instead of Chris Jericho. He didn’t care for Goldberg’s dominant WCW run and he doesn’t care that people think he won’t win. Owens said he just has to outlast Goldberg because the longer a Goldberg match does, the more the scale tips in his opponent’s favor. He brought up Goldberg wanting to show his son that superheroes still exist but Owens doesn’t want his title to be used as a prop. He is gonna prove that superheroes don’t exist. The fans can chant Goldberg all they want and he can bark “YOU’RE NEXT” but Owens said “YOU’RE NOTHING”. He gave no info about Jericho. This was great. Owens’ delivery was spot on and the visual of the spotlight and him in the suit were both great. Though it feels like it’s all leading to Goldberg winning in seconds.

Number One Contender’s Match: Enzo Amore and Big Cass def. Cesaro and Sheamus in 9:20
Cesaro and Sheamus started hot, kicking Enzo’s ass. Cesaro stole the show by mocking Enzo’s dance outside and when a fan said, “HOW YOU DOING?”, Cesaro picked up Enzo and said “He’s not doing too well.” After a commercial, Enzo took more of the heat. Cesaro cut off a diving hot tag attempt with a sick uppercut. This match is worth checking out just for that. Cass got the hot tag shortly after and went toe to toe with both opponents. Cass surprisingly pinned Cesaro following East River Crossing. We missed a good chunk due to commercial but what we got was fun. **¼

Enzo annoyed the losers with a promo about having “that kryptonite” so Sheamus shut him up with a fantastic Brogue Kick.

Kevin Owens went to exit the building but Mick Foley told him he couldn’t because he has a match with Sami Zayn. I hate how Raw just throws this match out every once in a while and makes it meaningless. They should have been kept apart for a long time after Battleground.

A Braun Strowman vignette aired.

A video package aired about Bayley’s Women’s Title win last year.

Mick Foley was on the phone backstage when Roman Reigns came up to him. Foley told him to wait for Fastlane to get his hands on Strowman. Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows interrupted and I guess they’re rematching that.

We were supposed to get The Brian Kendrick vs. Akira Tozawa. Tozawa had seconds thoughts about the pre-match handshake so Kendrick attacked. The bell never rang as Kendrick continued the assault. He exposed the steel part of the turnbuckle and ran Tozawa’s head into it before slapping on the Captain’s Hook.

WWE Tag Team Champions Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows def. Roman Reigns via disqualification in 3:58
Anderson and Gallows jumped Roman and held serve in the early stages. Even when Roman started a comeback, they beat him up outside. They tried bringing a chair in but Reigns fought them off and got it himself. He used the chair on Anderson, resulting in the DQ. Roman spent the next few minutes beating up the Club because the champions are scrubs compared to the BIG DOG. DUD

The New Day w/ Xavier Woods def. Jinder Mahal and Rusev w/ Lana in 3:34
New Day was announced as the hosts of WrestleMania earlier today. They argued with Rusev and Lana over stolen blueprints for ice cream. I’m not making this up. After the promo, they go to commercial and we joined this in progress. Rusev worked a bear hug on Kofi, who took the heat. Big E got the tag, gyrated and hit a big splash. After a spot outside, Woods scared Lana with the trombone and stole back the plans. Her acting on it was poor. New Day won with Midnight Hour. Nothing match but the pre-match antics were fun. *

They ran a tribute video for George Steele.

Austin Aries oversaw the official contract signing for the Jack Gallagher/Neville Cruiserweight Title match at Fastlane. Neville came out in ring gear, which I hate. He signed and went to leave instantly but Gallagher brought him back, wanting to have a chat. He had tea and biscuits after all. Neville played anti-American foreigner, saying Gallagher is a stereotype of what Americans see British people as. He said the fans laugh at Jack, not with him. Jack disagreed, saying he isn’t playing a role, that’s who he is. He said Neville thinks he’s a king and that he’s better than everyone. Neville flipped the table and shoved Jack, who took him down. Neville tried getting back in the ring but Jack stopped him with his umbrella. Good segment that managed to keep the crowd invested, which the cruiserweights struggle with.

Nia Jax def. Sarah Pierce in 0:34
Nia just ran over Sarah and threw her around the ring. A Samoan drop ended things quickly. Total squash. NR

Charly interviewed her about the “controversy” surrounding Bayley’s win last week. She said the only controversy is the fact that she hasn’t had a title shot yet. She dared Sasha and Bayley to pull last week’s antics on her.

New WWE Raw Women’s Champion Bayley came out to address Charlotte’s tweet which suggested she relinquish the title due to the events of last week. Bayley spoke about realizing her dream. She mentioned Charlotte’s tweet and said she was just trying to ruin the best week of her life. Instead of a horrible Charlotte promo, we got Stephanie McMahon. She played the “did you dream include a tainted win” route. Bayley took the title off, ready to hand it over to Steph. Sasha Banks interrupted and Stephanie shut it down quickly, saying Sasha thinks Bayley can’t do anything. Sasha considers Bayley a sister and won’t let her give up the title. Steph said Sasha only wants Bayley as champ because she knows she can beat her. Bayley admitted Stephanie was right, saying the title was important. She made it seem like she would give it up but said hell no, which Stephanie couldn’t believe. This brought out Charlotte, to make this segment even worse. She shouted a ton at the wrong times and said she would face Bayley at the PPV in a rematch. Sasha told her to shut up and challenged her tonight. Everything about this segment sucked to me. It wasn’t one of Bayley’s strongest promos, Stephanie didn’t add much, the story they’re telling isn’t what they should go with for Bayley’s first title win, Charlotte is always horrible on the stick, Sasha is still miscast as a babyface and it led to a match we’ve seen a million times.

Sasha Banks def. Charlotte in 9:59
This was joined in progress. Bayley was on commentary. Charlotte went after the knee for a bit before they went into their typical spots. Charlotte took over after Sasha missed knees in the corner and they worked through a commercial break. Returning, Charlotte applied a painful looking dragon sleeper. Sasha got free and got two on a rollup. Charlotte again avoided the corner knees but ate meteora off the apron. Dana Brooke slowly ran out because the WWE remembers her friendship with Charlotte when it’s convenient. Bayley stopped her, leading to a Bank Statement on Charlotte, who tapped. Strange booking. Charlotte loses two straight weeks on Raw with a PPV title match coming up. It’s all just gonna lead to Charlotte winning at Fastlane anyway so none of it matters. **

DDP joins Kurt Angle, the Rock n’ Roll Express and Teddy Long in the 2017 Hall of Fame class.

Charly interviewed Sami Zayn. She asked if he wanted to tell Chris Jericho “I told you so.” He stated he wasn’t happy to be right about it and compared Owens to Samoa Joe for being selfish. He promised that things with Joe are fare from over.

Non-Title Match: WWE Universal Champion Kevin Owens def. Sami Zayn in 1:11
During Sami Zayn’s entrance, Samoa Joe attacked him from behind. He shouted at Sami for talking trash backstage and threw him into the ring post. Owens gladly watched from the ring. Joe left and Sami demanded they start the match. Owens murdered him with clotheslines and the corner cannonball. He beat him up a bit more before hitting the Popup Powerbomb. Nothing to rate but it worked as an angle. NR

Backstage, Foley and Stephanie argued about Samoa Joe’s actions and Triple H’s decision to sign him. Steph threatened he could have an “accident.”

Michael Cole left backstage to hold a live interview with Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman about the horrible sounding match with Goldberg at WrestleMania. Brock scared off Cole and sat in front of the camera while Heyman cut a promo. He basically said that all this talk about Goldberg and Kevin Owens doesn’t really matter. This was strange though Heyman did a good job in putting Owens over as credible at points.

Next week, Goldberg will be in attendance and we’ll hear from Seth Rollins.

Braun Strowman def. Big Show in 12:07
Vince McMahon must be salivating in the back. They showed the ring crew “re-enforcing” the ring. Strowman did a goddamn kip up out of a wrist lock and these two literally worked the mat. They struggled for an advantage on a suplex that Show own out on. Show fired up with shoulder blocks and hit the chokeslam for two. Strowman tried a powerslam but Show flipped free and they went up top. The crowd felt the ring break superplex spot was coming but Braun fought off. He jumped off the middle rope into the KO punch but still kicked out. Braun avoided a Vader bomb and hit a horrible looking powerslam for two. He hit a better one to win right after. This was better than expected, but still didn’t need to go as long as it did. Braun survived everything Show threw at him and was simply better. Kudos to Show for his performance in getting a new monster over. ***

As soon as Braun won, Roman Reigns’ theme played. He beat up Strowman until his Spear was stopped with a dropkick. Braun hit a powerslam and left Roman out cold.

Overall: 5/10. I thought this was a middling episode. There were some good things and some bad. I enjoyed the main event and liked nearly everything they did with Kevin Owens. Most of the matches failed to deliver but angles were advanced well. The contract signing was strong, while the women’s promo was bad. I didn’t like them booking Owens/Sami and Charlotte/Sasha rematches but at least the former wasn’t a real match. I also didn’t care for the Reigns/Club stuff, but I found the opening tag pretty good. Good and bad.

Random Network Reviews: Survivor Series 1990

Survivor Series 1990
November 22nd, 1990 | Hartford Civic Center in Hartford, Connecticut | Attendance: 16,000

During this time, Survivor Series would air on Thanksgiving instead of on a Sunday or traditional Pay-Per-View night. This is a pretty historic edition of the show as it featured the debut of the Undertaker, who obviously would go on to be one of the biggest stars in wrestling history. This would also be the debut of a lesser star, the Gobbeldy Gooker. The last note would be that they came up with an idea to have all of the survivors of the Survivor Series matches meet in a big main event to close the show. This would be the fourth Survivor Series event in history.

Vince McMahon does a voiceover running down the card for tonight. I won’t say them now as some may like it as a surprise. Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper are on commentary tonight.

The Perfect Team (Ax, Crush, Smash and Mr. Perfect) w/ Bobby Heenan and Mr. Fuji vs. The Warriors (Animal, Hawk, Texas Tornado and WWF Champion Ultimate Warrior)
If it wasn’t obvious already, Mr. Perfect and the Ultimate Warrior are the team captains. Animal and Smash start and they go back in forth, with Animal showing off his power. Things break down and the faces clean some hours with Mr. Perfect bumping his ass off. Warrior gets a rather hot tag and eliminates Ax at the 3:23 mark. Crush helps his team turn the tide by beating up the WWF Champion. Good thing it doesn’t last long because Crush shouldn’t be getting much offense against a top star. They begin to pick apart Hawk for a bit. Hawk, never one to sell, ignores most work done and hits a flying clothesline only for the pin to be broken up. LOD and the rest of Demolition brawl and hit the referee who disqualifies Hawk, Animal, Smash and Crush at 7:36. Mr. Perfect is now left alone against the Warrior and Texas Tornado. As expected, the faces beat up Mr. Perfect, who continues to bump like a madman for them. Tornado eats a ring post and it allows Mr. Perfect to swing the momentum and pin the Tornado following the Perfectplex at 11:02. He nails it on the Warrior but only gets two. This is a perfect example of why finishers should be protected. In the event that the finishing move fails, the reaction from the crowd is great. It was a big deal for Warrior to kick out here as I believe only Hogan did so before. Perfect stays in control while the Warrior loses all of his face paint. He starts doing his variation of “Hulking Up.” He ends it with the splash to be the sole survivor.

Winners: The Warriors (Sole Survivor: The Ultimate Warrior) in 14:20
Pretty fun opening contest. It lacked the drama that I’ve seen from other Survivor Series matches at times but most of what they did made sense. It moved along briskly and furthered the angles that it needed to. **¾

The Dream Team (Dusty Rhodes, WWF Tag Team Champions the Hart Foundation and Koko B. Ware) vs. The Million Dollar Team (Rhythm and Blues, Ted Dibiase and the Undertaker) w/ Brother Love, Jimmy Hart and Virgil
The captains are Dusty Rhodes and Ted Dibiase. Dibiase introduced a mystery partner that turns out to be the debuting Undertaker. He comes off as incredibly imposing, especially judging by the reactions of the fans. Bret Hart starts with him in the first of many battles. He sells for Taker and then tags to Koko. Within seconds, Koko gets Tombstoned and eliminated at 1:39. Bret gives it another shot, nailing right hands and Undertaker calmly tags out. Rhythm and Blues work with the Hart Foundation for a bit here. Neidhart sends Honky Tonk Man packing with a powerslam at 4:16. The Dream Team is on fire and Dusty levels Dibiase with ten elbows before hitting one of the UGLIEST dropkicks I’ve ever seen. Virgil trips up Neidhart, allowing Dibiase to eliminate him at 5:49. Dibiase tags back out to the Undertaker. There is a presence about him that was clear even here. He nailed the mannerisms and everything. Bret works with Dibiase, making me wish we got a singles program between them. Undertaker gets rid of the captain Dusty with a flying double axe handle after 8:26. Seeing someone of his size come off the top was incredible for the era. Brother Love stomps on Dusty so he goes after him. Undertaker gives chase and attacks Dusty in the aisle, getting counted out at 9:17. Roddy Piper: “He’s big, but he’s dumb.” Inside, Greg Valentine looks for the figure four only for Bret to pull him into a small package for three at 9:57. It’s down to Bret and Dibiase. Bret nails a plancha to the outside onto Dibiase. Back inside, Bret scores two on a backslide as they go back and forth. Bret plays possum like a gangster and two more near falls. He goes for a cross body but Dibiase rolls through and steals it.

Winners: The Million Dollar Team (Sole Survivor: Ted Dibiase) in 13:54
Well that was very enjoyable. You got the historic debut of the Undertaker, which was so well done, a fun back and forth between Bret Hart and Ted Dibiase and a match that moved at a really good pace. All of the eliminations made sense and the finishing stretch allowed Bret to look like the star he would become in a few years. ***½

The Vipers (Jake Roberts, Jimmy Snuka and the Rockers) vs. The Visionaries (Rick Martel, Power and Glory and the Warlord) w/ Slick
The main feud here is between Jake Roberts and Rick Martel as the latter blinded the former and Roberts is sporting a sick looking eye. Warlord is hyped as this monster and no sells a lot of early offense until the Rockers team up to knock him down. Different guys get turns doing some things so almost everyone gets a shot to strut their stuff. It ends up being Jannetty and Warlord again. Warlord catches him in a powerslam to get rid of him at 5:03. Shawn Michaels takes his shots and uses a rana to take him down. Roberts gets tagged and the fans immediately want the DDT but they don’t get it. Michaels is brought back in and just takes a beating but keeps kicking out. That would become a theme for the latter part of his career. He makes a mil tag to Snuka who gets pulled into an inside cradle and sent packing at 9:28. Roberts enters and Rick Martel quickly scurries away. Gorilla Monsoon does a good job in putting over how tough Roberts is for competing with the bad eye. Paul Roma uses cheap shots to get in the driver’s seat but Michaels gets tagged and comes in hot. Of course he’s not a powerhouse babyface so he just ends up back in trouble as the four heels use quick tags to wear him down. Power and Glory use a superplex and splash combination to eliminate him after 15:40. Jake Roberts is now down 4-1. Roberts calls them on and fights valiantly, hitting the DDT on Warlord. The referee is too distracted to see this though and Martel tries to spray him with Arrogance again. Roberts avoids it and gets Damien. He chases Martel away and gets counted out to get swept.

Winners: The Visionaries in 17:42
A surprising sweep here. It made sense though as the heel team was a mix of cowardly and powerful heels, while the faces consisted of a team that was mostly good at playing the faces in peril. Also notable because this was the first ever sweep in Survivor Series history. ***

The Hulkamaniacs (Big Bossman, Hulk Hogan, Jim Duggan and Tugboat) vs. The Natural Disasters (The Barbarian, Dino Bravo, Earthquake and Haku) w/ Bobby Heenan and Jimmy Hart
Gee, I wonder who is going to survive this match. Early on, multiple guys get their stuff in, which is expected. Hulk Hogan and Earthquake don’t get involved quite yet though. From out of nowhere, Bossman and his ripped open shirt hit Haku with a Bossman Slam and he’s gone at 3:15. Bossman goes after Heenan, which allows the Barbarian to take him down. Earthquake finally comes in and Jim Duggan gets tricked by the managers because he’s dumb. He whacks Earthquake with the 2x4 and is disqualified at 6:12. Hogan enters and does Hogan things, including slamming the 976 pound Earthquake in front of the 40,000 fans in attendance. He then rolls up Dino Bravo with a small package to send him packing at 7:59. Earthquake catches Bossman on a cross body which is honestly impressive for a guy that isn’t really known for strength. He starts to dominate Bossman and pins him after some elbow drops at 9:08. The eliminations come fast and furious here. Monsoon claims Hogan is left alone, forgetting about Tugboat, though I can’t say I blame him. The future Natural Disasters go at it, giving Monsoon the opening to bust out his favorite saying, “THE IRRESISTIBLE FORCE MEETS THE IMMOVABLE OBJECTS!” They fall outside and both get counted out at the 11:33 mark. This leads the Barbarian alone with Hogan. Talk about an obvious outcome. Barbarian actually scores a few near falls, which blows my mind. He’s Hogan though and he starts to hulk up. That is finished off by the big leg drop.

Winners: The Hulkamaniacs (Sole Survivor: Hulk Hogan) in 14:49
Typical stuff from a match involving Hulk Hogan. Even so, it moved at a quicker pace than I expected considering the guys involved. I was sad to see Haku go out so early which was probably my biggest issue with this. **½

We now go to Mean Gene Okerlund who brings out the Macho King. He runs down the Ultimate Warrior as they were headed towards a WrestleMania Retirement match. He just says that when the time is right, he’ll be the next WWF Champion.

The Alliance (The Bushwhackers, Nikolai Volkoff and Tito Santana) vs. The Mercenaries (Boris Zhukov, the Orient Express and Sgt. Slaughter) w/ Mr. Fuji and General Adnan
The Alliance come out to the future music used for Lex Luger. The Mercenaries are wearing camo face paint. Slaughter cuts a long winded anti-American promo before the match while his awful drumroll theme plays. Boris starts with Tito and goes down to the flying forearm in 0:48. Good, get this over with quickly. The Bushwhackers come in and work over Sato, defeating him with the Battering Ram after just 1:46. Tanaka goes next almost instantly following a flying forearm in 2:13. Yup, in just over two minutes, Sgt. Slaughter is left alone. He fights with Volkoff and none of it is interesting or impressive. Slaughter sends him packing at 5:25 with an elbow. The captain just jobbed to a normal elbow drop. The Bushwhackers double team Slaughter a bit. You know, for being a heel with such a hot button issue fueling the character, this match has next to no heat. Luke and Butch don’t stay in control for long, as both get sent packing with a gutbuster and clothesline at 6:30 and 6:53, respectively. This leaves Santana alone with Slaughter. Tito has the upper hand and hits the flying forearm. Adnan come sin after a ref bump and whacks Tito with the Iraqi flag. The only problem is, there is a second referee outside that sees all of this. Slaughter applies the camel clutch and the original referee calls for the DQ, even though he didn’t see the finish.

Winners: The Alliance (Sole Survivor: Tito Santana) in 10:52
A really boring match with a really stupid finish. I got the idea behind it but it was poorly executed. The action was pretty bad too as nobody in this match outside of Tito is really anyone I’d consider interesting. Just an all-around dull showing. ½*

Cut to Mean Gene again for the reveal of what’s inside the giant egg. It finally hatches and the infamous Gobbeldy Gooker pops out. Roddy Piper laughs and the crowd is absolutely silent. Even though he’s just gobbling, Mean Gene can somehow understand him. They go to the ring and dance, but the only highlight is Mean Gene tripping.

Grand Finale Survivor Series Match
Hulk Hogan, Tito Santana and WWF Champion The Ultimate Warrior vs. Power and Glory, Rick Martel, Ted Dibiase and the Warlord w/ Slick and Virgil
During the pre-match interview, Hulk Hogan calls Tito Santana the “Arriba Man”. After spending the earlier match showing how dominant and powerful the Warlord could be, he jobs in 28 seconds to Tito’s flying forearm here. Dibiase comes in and works over Tito just before pinning him with a hotshot at 1:51. I have a feeling the eliminations will come rather quickly here. Hogan pounds on Dibiase and works together with the Warrior. Hercules pounds on Hogan for a bit as it looks like he’ll be playing the face in peril. He’s Hogan of course, so he pops out of a pin attempt and clotheslines Paul Roma to beat him at 5:57. Martel runs in and the tag comes to Warrior. He comes in hot but then tags back out to Hogan. Hogan nearly kills Martel on a clothesline. Martel gets pissed that he was hit in the face and walks out to the countout at 7:17. That was dumb because Hogan had a chance to hit the leg drop but just threw Martel out. It’s as if he knew he would quit. Dibiase come sin and eats the big boot/leg drop combo to be sent home at 8:30. That dude has a title shot the following night but Hogan ended him. Warrior gets the tag and puts away Hercules with ease.

Winners: Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior in 9:07
Surprisingly short but I guess it made sense since everyone had worked a match earlier. The match itself was nothing to write home about as it went by quickly and was just a showcase for Hogan and Warrior as expected. *¾

Overall: 6/10; Average. The first half of this show varied from pretty good to really good. Unfortunately the final three matches lack, especially the last two, along with the Gooker segment. Still, as with most old school Survivor Series events, it’s rather fun and a relatively easy watch. I’d recommend this show, mainly for the Undertaker debut and that match itself. Up next on “Random Network Reviews” will be One Night Stand 2006!

Raw History: #79-81

Raw History
Episode #79
September 26th, 1994 | Memorial Auditorium in Utica, New York

Our usual hosts handle things tonight.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Razor Ramon (c) vs. Tatanka w/ Ted Dibiase
Well someone’s partnership with Ted Dibiase is already paying off. Just to show how much of a heel he is now, Tatanka attacks from behind. Razor turns the tide and sends him packing to talk strategy with Ted Dibiase. Once they go back inside, they do some uninspired work. It’s clear that Tatanka’s waistline was expanding. They start trading blows outside heading into a classic Raw commercial break. Isn’t it strange how the arena they ran in back in Lowell has the same name as this one? Inside, Tatanka comes very close to winning on a near fall that was probably a lot closer than planned. Tatanka pulls a page out of Razor’s book by utilizing an abdominal stretch with some assistance from Dibiase. Ted was so good as doing the little things to draw heat. They get caught and Razor starts to rally. He calls for the Razor’s Edge but Dibiase gets on the apron. Lex Luger comes down the aisle but Bigelow runs out and attacks him. Tatanka, like a moron, goes out and joins in, getting counted out.

Winner via countout and Still WWF Intercontinental Champion: Razor Ramon in 13:34
Honestly, this kind of felt like the definition of going through the motions. Tatanka seemed unsure of how to work as a heel for some of the match and it dragged for the most part. It picked up as Razor rallied but it wasn’t enough to save this. *¾

This past weekend on Superstars, the Undertaker and Paul Bearer cut a promo on Yokozuna. Undertaker and Yokozuna will be meeting on the Hart Attack Tour because in this era, television was used to promote house shows.

Kwang w/ Harvey Wippleman vs. Rich Myers
You know, for a character that ultimately went nowhere, Kwang sure got a lot of TV time in 1994. Vince McMahon makes a long winded joke about the NFL and a three way trade between the Cardinals, ESPN and the WWF. Macho Man goes to the Cardinals, Phil Simms comes to commentary and ESPN gets Luke and Butch. I mean, I’d get rid of them too. Kwang wins with a spinning heel kick.

Winner: Kwang in 2:08
Ho hum. Vince’s commentary was better than the match.

The recently returned British Bulldog is the guest on the King’s Court. Jerry Lawler just makes non-stop terrible dog jokes. He’s the only one laughing at them. Well, Vince is at ringside, but it’s just so bad. Bulldog threatens him if he keeps it up and Jim Neidhart shows up. Neidhart says Bulldog isn’t a family member because he’s not one of the twelve Harts. That would be fine reasoning if, you know, Neidhart was one of the twelve Harts. His dumbass is related in the same way that Bulldog is. Neidhart issues a challenge and Bulldog accepts for next week. He talks a bit too much and promos are FAR from his strong point.

Next week, Alundra Blayze and Heidi Lee Morgan take on Bull Nakano and Luna Vachon!

We get a recap of the well done Bob Backlund segment from last week.

The 1-2-3 Kid vs. Kenny David
Hey, it’s another jobber with two first names. Bob Backlund comes out during the match to bring a dictionary to Randy Savage so he could better “interpret his discourse with the plebeians”. Kid hits some fun little offense and uses a big leg drop to finish it.

Winner: 1-2-3 Kid in 3:27
Typical stuff here.

A vignette airs for the return of King Kong Bundy. Not only does he absolutely suck, but this vignette is terrible too.

On Sunday October 23rd at noon Eastern, the WWF debuts Action Zone! I don’t remember this show as a kid, but it had some pretty good matches.

Non-Title Match
Diesel and Shawn Michaels vs. Bob Starr and Chris Kanyon
Yes it’s that Kanyon. Commentary also tells us that one of the Headshrinkers has quit. The Tag Team Champions toy with their opponents here, as Starr and Kanyon get in pretty much no offense. Randy Savage says that Diesel is practically the champions by himself. That’s the smell of the mega Diesel push getting ready to reach its peak soon. He wins it with the Jackknife.

Winners: Diesel and Shawn Michaels in 3:44
Completely one-sided as expected.

As the champions celebrate, the new Headshrinkers show up. Fatu is joined by Sionne and they send the champions packing. After a commercial, Capt. Lou Albano says that Samu ate some bad fish. No, seriously, that was the reasoning.

Overall: 3/10. Like a lot of episodes of Raw in the year 1994, this wasn’t very good. The marquee Intercontinental Title match was seriously lackluster but the last two squash matches were at least somewhat fun. The King’s Court was pretty bad too as it was filled with shit jokes.

Raw History
Episode #80
October 3rd, 1994 | Memorial Auditorium in Utica, New York

Randy Savage and Vince McMahon are our hosts.

British Bulldog vs. Jim Neidhart w/ Owen Hart
A quick distraction from Owen Hart allows Jim Neidhart to take advantage. Owen: “He’s real strong but he’s dumb.” Bulldog doesn’t stay down long and they end up working a test of strength. Bulldog dropkicks to get out of it, showing his athleticism. Anvil works some chinlocks because that’s about the maximum effort he can put into a singles match. Owen pulls the top rope down on Bulldog, causing him to fall outside. This brings out Bret Hart to even the score, but Bulldog is selling a knee injury. Neidhart now pounds away on Bulldog for a while and goes to another staple of a guy that doesn’t put in much effort, the bearhug. Bulldog begins to rally and gets two on a clothesline. Owen talks smack when Bulldog ends up in trouble again. Anvil applies a camel clutch but Bulldog fights out. Bob Backlund shows up to talk trash to Bret, allowing Owen to enter and dropkick Bulldog.

Winner via disqualification: British Bulldog in 11:50
Not bad actually. Usually singles matches for Jim Neidhart are bad but he worked pretty well with Bulldog. It wasn’t a classic and had a few dull moments, but they did fine overall. **¼

Bret Hart enters and it becomes a family war as all four guys trade blows until Owen Hart and Jim Neidhart escape.

Doink vs. Barry Horowitz
Commentary spends the match discussing the EPIC Jerry Lawler/Doink feud. Yea, not even commentary is entertaining here. Doink wins in short order with the Whoopee Cushion, which now has sound effects included.

Winner: Doink in 2:33
Doink matches are considerably less interesting these days.

Another week, another Undertaker and Paul Bearer promo from Superstars. It’s again about Yokozuna and casket matches.

Jerry Lawler brings out Yokozuna for the King’s Court. He is accompanied by Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette. Cornette being here means this may be tolerable instead of dreadful. Cornette says that the rumors of Yokozuna being scared of the Undertaker is a bogus story. Lawler makes the mistake of saying casket, which starts to freak out Yokozuna.

Next week, Bam Bam Bigelow goes one on one with Lex Luger!

Alundra Blayze and Heidi Lee Morgan vs. Bull Nakano and Luna Vachon
Did they get a time machine and pull Heidi Lee Morgan out of the 80s? Her attire and look just seems so outdated even in that time. She starts against Luna and scores an interesting near fall on a roll up. She ends up playing the face in peril. Bull does the bulk of the beatdown. When Morgan starts a small rally, it of course brings “USA” chants. Gotta love those evil foreigners. Macho Man says “call me crazy, but I’m attracted to Bull Nakano”. Vince McMahon indeed calls him crazy. Blayze gets the hot tag and beast the hell out of Luna. She tries a double suplex with Morgan on Bull, but Bull reverses it. Macho Man calls her strong and pretty, causing Vince to say she isn’t pretty. Wow, Vince really had an issue with her looks. A bridging German from Blayze on Luna nets her team the win.

Winners: Alundra Blayze and Heidi Lee Morgan in 5:02
That was much different than the earlier match but I enjoyed them about the same for different reasons. This was rather fast paced and Bull Nakano is just so good to watch. **¼

Bob Backlund vs. Gary Scott
Bob Backlund has now adopted the haircut and blue robe look. Scott hits a quick arm drag and Macho Man gets excited. He shouldn’t. Backlund stretches the ham and egger before making him submit to the crossface chicken wing.

Winner: Bob Backlund in 2:25
About as enjoyable as you would expect. Backlund is much more fun as this nutcase character.

Bret Hart is interviewed about Bob Backlund. He says that he’s beaten Bob Backlund already so he feels he doesn’t deserve a WWF Title shot and he should go to the back of the line.

Overall: 5/10. An improvement on last week. The Neidhart/Bulldog match was decent and I thought the same about the women’s tag team match. Bob Backlund was even enjoyable. Doink and the poor King’s Court segment really hurt this show in the end.

Raw History
Episode #81
October 10th, 1994 | Memorial Auditorium in Utica, New York

We have our usual commentary team tonight.

Bam Bam Bigelow w/ The Million Dollar Corporation vs. Lex Luger
Vince speculates if Lex Luger will bring his own entourage, but I’m like 90% sure he has no friends. Well, he brings the American flag with him so there’s that. Like all heels, Bigelow attacks form behind following a distraction from Tatanka. He beats on Luger until the man made in the USA gets a short rally and sends him outside. Vince McMahon tells us that King Kong Bundy is the newest member of the Million Dollar Corporation. Commentary keeps making Christopher Columbus references. Bigelow turns things around and looks for the headbutt but misses. Luger knocks Nikolai Volkoff off the apron and scores two on Bigelow. King Kong Bundy waddles down to ringside. Luger lets go of a hold to protest this. Really Luger? The other three guys at ringside were okay but four is too much? After a commercial break, Mabel and Adam Bomb have come out to help watch Luger’s back. Bigelow is in control, scoring on a DDT for two. He hits a strange looking dropkick for another near fall. Dibiase calls Luger a loser at ringside and, judging by Luger’s record in big matches, he isn’t entirely wrong. Luger starts the comeback, complete with SCREAMING CLOTHESLINES! Tatanka tries to get involved but gets knocked off the apron by Bigelow accidentally. Luger rolls him up and snatches victory.

Winner: Lex Luger in 10:46
A solid match that was much better than expected. Bigelow and Luger both worked some slow points, but the finishing stretch was pretty well done and the fact that it didn’t end in a DQ or countout was cool. **½

Bigelow argues with Tatanka up the aisle until Ted Dibiase calms things down. Lex Luger celebrates like he won some big time match. He’s the king of major celebrations in strange situations.

Footage airs of Bob Backlund on the Heartbreak Hotel this past weekend on Superstars. Shawn Michaels says he and Diesel want to party with Backlund but Backlund declines because they aren’t on his level. Backlund uses big words that go over Shawn’s head and challenges Bret Hart to a WWF Title match.

Mabel vs. Reno Riggins
Did Mo die or something? I’m not complaining but he just disappeared. Reno Riggins gives it the old college try but it is a futile effort against someone of Mabel’s size. Mabel misses an elbow drop, giving people false hope that he’ll win. Mabel squashes those thoughts with a leg drop.

Winner: Mabel in 2:37
Pretty much every Mabel squash ever with a few misses from him.

We see clips of Macho Man at the Columbus Day parade.

Owen Hart w/ Jim Neidhart vs. John Crystal
Commentary hypes the fact that Owen Hart gets his last shot at Bret Hart’s WWF Title on the debut episode of Action Zone. Vince then starts talking about George Lucas writing three more Star Wars movies and suggests that Princess Leia will be played by Bull Nakano. Macho Man responds with “THAT’S AN OLD FLAME OF MINE!” Crystal gets in like one move and Owen dominates. The Sharpshooter ends it.

Winner: Owen Hart in 3:41
Fine for what it was. Owen Hart just did his thing for a while, which is usually good.

Our third straight week featuring an Undertaker casket promo from Superstars.

King Kong Bundy w/ Ted Dibiase vs. Mike Khoury
King Kong Bundy dominates and could win quickly but pulls Khoury up from the count. Bundy wins with a splash and wants the five count.

Winner: King Kong Bundy in 2:44
Boring. But now whenever I hear the “money” part of Dibiase’s theme, I just hear “Bundy” instead.

A clip airs from Superstars where Doink and Dink pranked Jerry Lawler and made him sit in a pie. This leads us to the King’s Court and Lawler brings out his guest, Queasy. For those who don’t remember, Queasy is one of the little people that teams with Lawler at the Survivor Series. This whole segment and feud is absolute garbage.

The New Headshrinkers w/ Afa and Capt. Lou Albano vs. Corey Student and JT Storm
Here we have the Raw debut of Sionne. Macho Man thinks this is the improved version of the Headshrinkers. They win in very short order after a Sionne kick.

Winners: The New Headshrinkers in 1:43
Not bad as it made the new Headshrinkers look pretty dominant.

Next week, Doink goes one on one with Jeff Jarrett.

Overall: 4.5/10. While the big matchup this week was better than last, the rest of the show kind of dragged. King Kong Bundy is someone I never like to have around and the King’s Court segment was one again atrocious.

WWE Elimination Chamber Review

WWE Elimination Chamber
February 12th, 2017 | Talking Stick Resort Arena in Phoenix, Arizona

Mojo Rawley def. Curt Hawkins in 8:13
A Kickoff match that I don’t think anyone cared about. Hawkins returned for no reason as he’s done nothing. However, they did better than I expected. Mojo brought a lot of fire and got a solid reaction. Hawkins was kind of just there. Mojo won with a tilt-a-whirl slam. It was worked like something you’d see on a live event, which was fine, but sometimes I want more from the Kickoff show. **

Becky Lynch def. Mickie James in 11:33
The first of three women’s matches on the show. I liked it as the opener because it was the best of those three on paper. The crowd was invested, which was good. Becky started hot, overwhelming the veteran. I liked that Mickie took a powder outside and once back in, she took over by using Becky’s own tactics against her, working the arm. I like that for Mickie’s character. Mickie dominated with that until they abandoned some of the arm work to trade stuff in the closing stretch. Becky won on a jackknife pin, which was a decent finish. It kept Mickie strong, though I would have had Becky get in a bit more offense so it didn’t look like a lucky win. Still, a good opener that was mostly worked in smart fashion. ***

Apollo Crews and Kalisto def. Dolph Ziggler in 7:23
Originally I noted that a handicap match with the babyfaces having the advantage was a bad idea. I stand by that, which was why I appreciated Dolph Ziggler taking out Kalisto before the match. It allowed he and Apollo Crews to basically work a singles match. It wasn’t great. Lots of slow points. They haven’t given fans enough reason to care for Apollo and Dolph is bland as a heel. Kalisto limped out and hit a handspring kick before tagging Apollo to get the win. Dolph’s heel turn just leads to more losses. He got some heat back by Pillmanizing Apollo. **

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship Turmoil Match: American Alpha (c) def. The Ascension, Breezango, Heath Slater and Rhyno, The Usos and The Vaudevillains in 21:03
This started with Breezango against Slater and Rhyno. Breezango had some cool gear. They fell to Slater and Rhyno in a fun start and the Vaudevillains suffered the same fate. I’m pleasantly surprised the Vaudes lasted more than a minute. The Usos joined the fray and eliminated the former champions before the current champs came out. Usos/AA was the highlight of the match. AA eliminated them so the pissed off Usos attacked them. They left them for dead and made it easy pickings for the Ascension. However, the Ascension are a bunch of scrubs. AA weathered the storm and overcame the odds to retain. I liked that their comeback wasn’t too superman like. They only powered up for two spots and everything else was more hopeful. The match was fine but I wasn’t a fan of the booking. If AA was going to prove they were the best team, I’d have had them start and go the distance. Beat everyone to set up a new challenger coming in or pull something similar with the Usos anyway. It was just structured so oddly and the crowd didn’t care much. **¾

Natalya vs. Nikki Bella ended in a double countout at 13:18
Why? This feud has been garbage (the Carmella/Nikki one was miles better) but they’ve played it as heated with lots of attacks. Naturally, they grapple here. They should want to murder each other. This suffered from the same problem all Natalya matches do. She’s incredibly bland. Her heat segment involved her doing boring moves while yelling awkward things at Nikki and the crowd. She did the “you can’t see me” taunt more than she should have. It all just felt weird. I did like the small storytelling piece of Nikki trying to prove she could wrestle thought it was one of the only things to make sense. They did a shitty double countout finish to continue this god awful rivalry. Worst match on the show. At least Nikki showed her STF is better than Cena’s. *

Randy Orton def. Luke Harper in 17:12
Maybe I was more invested in this than most because I love Luke Harper. I dug most of this match. It started a bit slow but picked up on a Harper suicide dive. Harper got in a ton of offense, way more than I expected against Randy Orton. When Orton is motivated, he can flat out go, which felt like the case here. Harper brought some vicious strikes and Orton sold well for him. They had some great back and forth and several close calls that got the crowd into it by the end. Orton survived a sitout powerbomb spot and shortly after, nailed the RKO to win. A potential star making performance for Harper. He looked great in defeat, while Orton gains momentum before Mania. I’d still like to see Harper added to the Mania Title match. More on that in a bit though. ***¾

WWE Smackdown Women’s Championship: Naomi def. Alexa Bliss (c) in 8:17
From what I’m seeing around various websites, most people liked this more than I did. It did blow their No Mercy match out of the water at least. Naomi looked better than usual, which she needed to because she’s largely unimpressive. Alexa is slightly better to me in the ring but neither stands out. They brought energy here and benefitted from being the shortest women’s match on the card. It allowed them to avoid dull heat segments and give us no real downtime, which was appreciated. Naomi won with the split legged moonsault in a decision I dislike. I don’t see the appeal in Naomi, while Bliss has done wonderful character work. Second best match of Naomi’s career if memory serves me right. **½

WWE World Championship Elimination Chamber: Bray Wyatt def. AJ Styles, Baron Corbin, WWE Intercontinental Champion Dean Ambrose, John Cena (c) and The Miz in 34:25
The new Elimination Chamber had padded mats on the floor, which didn’t look great but allowed for more freedom. Nearly everything about this match worked. Even the entrances, especially Bray’s where he stopped to intimidate each person in the pod, were great. AJ and Cena started and that’s always a great idea. I won’t go into anything near play-by-play but highlight some things. This wasn’t your typical spot fest or car crash Chamber. Sure it had great spots but this was a well told story. They hit on everything they needed to. AJ and Cena reignited their excellent rivalry. Baron Corbin was a monster that even Cena had trouble with. Corbin was first out on a Dean Ambrose rollup and even that was well done because Corbin then attacked Ambrose. It should set up an IC Title feud. Miz, playing the smarmy heel perfectly, got the cheap pin on Dean. He then went into a string of Daniel Bryan based offense before falling to the AA. In a surprising moment, Cena went out next to a Sister Abigail, leaving AJ and Bray in the end. Heel vs. Heel and it was a fresh matchup. I LOVE IT MAGGLE! I was so glad they allowed AJ and Bray to go at it with some great back and forth. AJ came close on the springboard 450 so he went for the Phenomenal Forearm. Bray caught him into the Sister Abigail to capture the title. Like I said, they nailed all of this. The pacing was great and it never felt slow despite the length. They told the stories they had to and each guy in the match did exactly what they needed to. This was neck and neck with the original Chamber match for the best. I could see this score getting bumped up after a re-watch. ****½

Overall: 6/10. I’d say this was my least favorite Smackdown exclusive PPV since the split. That still doesn’t make it a bad show though. Most of the match were at least somewhat entertaining. Mojo/Hawkins was better than expected and the handicap match was fine. Nikki/Natalya was the shits, but I found myself pleasantly surprised with Alexa/Naomi. The turmoil match was fine despite odd booking, Becky/Mickie was strong and Harper/Orton delivered. The main event honestly feels like an all-time great gimmick match and is must-see.