Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Raw Report 8/4/14

Hey, did you know that you can get the WWE Network for just $9.99 a month? That's how Triple H and the Authority kicked off last night's Raw. He smugly and shamelessly promoted it and it got extremely annoying over time. It led to Triple H promoting the fact that Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns is now official for SummerSlam. Also, with Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins finally being set again, they would compete in a Beat the Clock competition to determine who would get to choose the stipulation for that match. Stephanie McMahon is wearing shorts and has a contract signing with Brie Bella and her awful voice tonight, so you know that's going to turn into a fight. I assume we're going to hear the word "bitch" about 75 times tonight.

Roman Reigns interrupts them and says the exact same thing that he says in every single promo since the Shield split. He's a one man army and to believe in him and all of that nonsense. Triple H decides that the fans want to see a Last Man Standing between Kane and Roman Reigns. So we got that and it lasted about 15 minutes. It had some alright spots but it just spot after spot and wasn't that impressive. Of course, the "Demon" Kane once again couldn't get the job done and fell to Roman. After the match, Reigns needed six or so staples and it looks nasty.

With Brock Lesnar, John Cena and even Paul Heyman getting the night off, the build to the WWE World Heavyweight Title match at SummerSlam is done through video packages. It's a good video package but it gets weird when Brock discusses urine, vomit and blood. Good stuff and honestly, I prefer if we don't get much face to face between Brock and Cena. It will make it feel more special. Damien Sandow showed up to Jim Ross' Oklahoma theme and spoke to the Austin crowd about the Red Rivalry to garner heat. He was cut off by the returning Mark Henry, sporting a Texas shirt. As one would expect, Henry wins relatively quickly.

Next, we got a strange backstage segment from Adam Rose where he looks in a mirror and sees a lemon. Whatever. The part I was looking forward to was Dean Ambrose's Beat the Clock match because he went one on one with Alberto Del Rio. Their match on Main Event was very good and I hope to see more of the same here because Del Rio seems to always deliver in the ring. They got over 15 minutes, which is just great, and did good with it. I prefer the Main Event match but Ambrose was able to win at 15:42, which is not an impressive time and should not be too hard to beat. They announce Seth Rollins' match will be against Rob Van Dam, who I haven't seen since Battleground.

Lana sings Happy Birthday to Barack Obama in an interesting segment. Rusev beat Sin Cara on the WWE App. Yes, the entire match happened on the app. I guess it's a way to try and help sell downloading the app and getting the WWE Network. Although it's not a match I was particularly looking forward to anyway. The Swagger/Rusev feud is pretty unoriginal but Lana is drawing so much heat that it's working. Look at that, Jack Swagger is the Real American with a match at SummerSlam while Cesaro is going nowhere fast. Even if Swagger goes nowhere after this feud, it's interesting because people even predicted Brock/Cesaro at SummerSlam months ago.

Next up, Dolph Ziggler and Cesaro met in a match that might have caused the entire IWC to cream themselves. That is, until the match went two minutes. I don't get it. You have Cesaro take Cena to the limit in a near 20 minute battle last week, but then he loses in like two minutes to Dolph? Nothing against Dolph but that doesn't make sense does it? The Miz was on commentary and enters the ring after the match but nearly eats a big kick. They announce Miz and Ziggler will meet for the Intercontinental Title at SummerSlam and I'm all for it. Anything to get the IC Title some build and on the SummerSlam card.

On the Raw Pre-Show, another SummerSlam match was announced, this one pitting Paige against AJ Lee in a Battleground rematch for the Divas Championship. Paige says that she misses her friend AJ and that she's excited to face her at SummerSlam. It's much better than the stuff she did as a face. Goldust and Stardust FINALLY wrestle again and it's against the team they've faced more than anyone, Rybaxel. Stardust wins it for them. Meh stuff. In the back, Kane gives his mask back to the Authority after suffering yet another loss. Does this mean the return of Corporate Kane? Yawn.

Chris Jericho vs. Luke Harper was next and, just like the rules from his Smackdown match with Erick Rowan, if Jericho wins Harper would be barred from ringside at SummerSlam. After a decent but underwhelming match, Bray Wyatt entered and caused the disqualification so he can attack Jericho. Harper is now barred from ringside. This would've made sense during the Bray/Cena feud because Harper and Rowan got involved, but Jericho won at Battleground after Harper and Rowan were ejected. So this is kind of pointless. I guess Bray will look better if he beats Jericho cleanly and by himself, but still. 

Tonight on Main Event, AJ Lee returns after a five foot fall from the stage on Smackdown. Yes, they oversold it like she died. A mixed tag of sorts followed as Diego and El Torito faced Fandango and his new dance partner, Hornswoggle. This lasts less than a minute and of course, Fandango loses. Summer Rae and Layla were there which made it at least partiall worth it. That was so fast that I'll move onto what's next, which is the third battle in the series between Bo Dallas and R-Truth. Truth ended Bo's streak last week and then Dallas attacked him until a DQ on Smackdown. Last night, Bo picked up the win with a handful of tights. He then hits Truth with the Bo-Dog outside and I'm liking where his character is going.

The announce team decides to hold up a sign that says $9.99. I prefer this to hearing it every few minutes. Another Brock/Cena package is shown before it's main event time. RVD comes out and gets replaced...by Heath Slater. The Authority figures Seth Rollins will have an easy time but they forget that Heath is one half of the hottest tag team in the WWE, SLATER GATOR! Some hilarious and entertaining distractions from Dean Ambrose made this even better. He walked around with JBL's hat and poured popcorn into Seth's briefcase. The distractions allowed Slater to roll up Seth and pick up one of the most shocking wins on Raw in recent memory! It was a cool moment and Dean will announce his choice stipulation on Smackdown.

With no John Cena or Brock Lesnar, the show closes with Stephanie McMahon and Brie Bella again. Stephanie is with Triple H, while Brie brings out Nikki. I swear that Daniel Bryan would be more useful here. This was your typical contract signing, with Stephanie owning Brie on the microphone. Brie should never talk. Like, ever again. Her voice is grating and everything sounds awkward and weird. The fans started to chant CM Punk for some reason. Triple H traps Brie in the corner with the table, allowing Stephanie to plant Nikki with a Pedigree! It looks better than any move that either Bella has ever done. Brie slaps Hunter, escapes and also gets Pedigreed. Stephanie and Triple H celebrate to close Raw and I'm just here totally hoping that Stephanie wins at SummerSlam.

Well there you have it folks. A Raw without the World Title participants caused a lot of filler and short matches to be on the show. It did build towards SummerSlam pretty well, so it gets some points for that. Overall, I'd give tonight's show a 4/10