Sunday, April 2, 2017

WrestleMania 33 Predictions

It's kind of telling of the WWE when they have over ten matches on the card yet still can't find a proper place for guys like Sami Zayn and Braun Strowman. They feel like the only two potential winners to be honest, though Samoa Joe and Luke Harper would be good choices if they officially get added. I'll go with Braun but Sami will come close.

Winner: Braun Strowman

Of all the matches on the card, only about four interest me. This is one of them. Despite the CWC being a success, nobody from the tournament is featured in the WrestleMania Cruiserweight Title match. That's a good thing though because most of them have flopped. Austin Aries and Neville feel like the two biggest stars of the division. They might not get ten minutes but if they do, they have potential to steal the entire show. It is the best Cruiserweight Title match so far on paper and has the best chance of being the first great one since it returned. The title switches often, so I'm going with Aries.

Winner: Austin Aries

I'm not a big fan of a clusterfuck match for the Smackdown women but if it stays as a Six Pack Challenge, it should be good. If they go the rumored route and add Emma, Summer Rae or (the awful) Kelly Kelly, it will be bad. I think most of these women deserve a spot at Mania. If I was booking, I'd probably put the title on Carmella or even back to Becky in a feel good moment. However, they seem hellbent on a Naomi title run, so I'll predict that.

Winner: Naomi

I'm so happy we're finally getting an Intercontinental Title singles match at WrestleMania. I'm also happy Baron Corbin gets Mania shine and Dean Ambrose gets a real singles match unlike last year when Brock Lesnar gave him no effort. This feud has been great but I wish we got a no DQ match or something like that. Part of me thinks Corbin should win but I think Ambrose retains. Then Baron takes the title from him in a specialty match at Backlash.

Winner: Dean Ambrose

Making this a ladder match gives me SOME hope for it. The Raw Tag Title scene has been kind of a mess like the Raw Women's Title picture. Gallows and Anderson feel like jokes, Cesaro and Sheamus got a short run and Enzo and Cass have been all over the place. Still, making this a ladder match means it should be, at the very least, fun. I think the Club leave with the titles before a feud with the returning Hardys.

Winners: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson

I wanted so much more for The Miz at WrestleMania. Since last year's show, Miz has been one of the company's MVPs. John Cena has delivered when around too, so I didn't love the idea of this mixed tag. Kudos to them though for making the buildup intriguing and full of entertaining promos. This is one of the easiest matches to predict. There's no way Cena and Nikki don't win. The real prediction is whether or not Cena proposes after the match. I say he does and Nikki possibly retires.

Winners: John Cena and Nikki Bella

A year or two ago, if someone told me I wouldn't give a shit about a WrestleMania match involving Sasha Banks and Bayley, I would've thought you were on drugs. Leave it to Raw though to completely fumble this. Babyface Sasha Banks has been a mistake and Charlotte has been totally boring but Bayley is the real issue. Her story is so easy to tell but instead of doing it, they gave her a title win on Raw (which we'd seen with Sasha already) and then spent the next few weeks having her lose and get called a paper champion. The right thing to do would be to have her win and solidify that she's not a paper champion. Nia winning would be okay with me. However, even though she lost last month and it doesn't make sense for her to win, I don't bet against Charlotte. I expect more painfully awful stuff from her.

Winner: Bayley

Similar to the IC Title match, I'm happy we're getting a legitimate match for this title. Not just that, but it has actual build and should be the culmination of a long story. That's all I ask for going into Mania. Chris Jericho's odd at Mania because, for as great as he is, he's mostly had good but not great (except HBK at WM XIX) matches there. The ones with Christian, Triple H, AJ Styles, etc. all cap out at good to me. He loves Kevin Owens though, so I think he'll bring his A game. Owens should win this one.

Winner: Kevin Owens

Like many others, I wanted something more for AJ Styles. Personally, I'd have saved Styles/Cena III for WrestleMania. My main concern is that Shane McMahon is at his best when he's working a crazy match and does a big spot. With this being a traditional match, I can't see Shane getting to shine. One thing helps him. He'll be in there with the best wrestler in the world. If anyone can help Shane McMahon to a good traditional contest, it's AJ Styles. Also, he needs to win.

Winner: AJ Styles

I've been kind of over the Undertaker for a while. Especially once the streak ended. This match doesn't intrigue me at all. I don't know what their plan is. If they want Undertaker to pass the torch, they better be ready for Reigns to celebrate to a ton of heat. I'd have Undertaker win, since Reigns won't be hurt by it and if they want to turn him heel or something, have him kick Undertaker in the dick or something. Either way, like Charlotte, I never bet against the Big Dog.

Winner: Big Dog Gotta Eat

This had potential to be the best built match on the show but Seth Rollins' injury hurt things. Also, having it drawn out since August with little to no traction and Triple H never explaining why he gave up on Seth (who had only lost to Dean Ambrose and Finn Balor up to that point) means it doesn't have the juice it should. If Seth is healthy, the non-sanctioned aspect could make this the best match on the card. It's Triple H, who seems to go over on odd number Manias when he shouldn't (see Sting at 31, Lesnar at 29, Orton at 25, Booker at 19), so he could win but I believe Seth takes it.

Winner: Seth Rollins

I really wish they never went the "I was never truly in the Wyatt Family" route with Randy Orton. It was, hands down, the most interesting he's been in ages. They should've just had the WWE Title come between them. A torn Orton who wants to remain loyal but also wants the title would've made for excellent television. Anyway, Bray should retain and continue to be solidified now that he has the title. This is the WWE though. I see Orton winning and Bray falling back into his role of doing lots of nothing until stepping up to job to a bigger star.

Winner: Randy Orton

Fuck this. I'm not watching this match.

Winner: Brock Lesnar but I don't care

2017 Prediction Record: 12-11
2016 Prediction Record: 65-37