Thursday, November 10, 2016

Raw History: Episodes #58-60

Raw History
Episode #58
April 11th, 1994 | Memorial Auditorium in Utica, New York

Things start with the Bushwhackers, MOM and the Smoking Gunns pleading their cases for people to vote for them to get Tag Team Title shots. Vince McMahon asks Macho Man who he votes for when it comes to the Tag Team Title match. When he says himself, Vince says that he has to be on commentary. Savage is all like “WHOOPDEDOOBIGDEAL ANOTHER ACCOLADE FOR THE MACHO MAN”. The sarcasm in his voice was obvious, but I feel like there was a fair amount of truth to what he said.

Also, I will no longer be rating squash matches. Only the matches featuring two actual Superstars.

Diesel w/ Shawn Michaels vs. Virgil
Vince McMahon always hypes Virgil like he’s some sort of threat. Diesel is in complete control in the early stages of this match. He seems to be stalling, making this match last longer than it needs to. Macho Man craps on Vince’s theory that Virgil will be a threat when he says that Virgil has already surpassed his expectations. Virgil rallies from a bearhug and gets a near fall. Diesel finally puts him out of his misery with a Jackknife.

Winner: Diesel in 5:22
This lasted far too long. It was an extended squash that got drawn out to be far too long. ½*

Jerry Lawler is brought out on his big throne. Among the men carrying him out are Barry Hardy and D-Lo Brown. It’s time for the King’s Court, which always sucks. He falls out of the chair and crashes to the floor. Lawler complains about people laughing at him before bringing out his guest, Lex Luger. Luger laughs at him and disses him before Lawler starts to question him about the allegations against Mr. Perfect. Lawler even shows him the footage that proves Mr. Perfect did nothing wrong but he still acts like Perfect is some criminal. He wants him in the ring soon.

Thurman Plugg vs. Barry Horowitz
I feel like these two ended up teaming up the following year. During the match, Mr. Perfect calls in and says that Lex Luger is still wrong. Savage calls him a coward. Savage at least admits that Perfect was legally right, but he claims he was morally wrong somehow. Plugg wins with in a nothing squash match.

Winner: Thurman Plugg in N/A
I don’t have the time for this as my stream kept cutting in and out and it was getting annoying to time this. Standard squash though.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The Quebecers (c) w/ Johnny Polo vs. Men on a Mission w/ Oscar

Dammit fans. You voted wrong. The champions try to attack before the bell but it quickly backfires and the challengers throw them around. MOM continues to be in control though Mabel is too fat to get out of the ring quick enough, so Earl Hebner has to send him out, causing him to miss a pin. Mo is going to be our face in peril as usual. It’s all rather dull. Mabel gets the mild tag and plods through his offense. When things turn around, both teams tease near falls and play some tricks on each other. Polo gets in some cheap shots on Mo, causing Mabel to slam him outside. This allows the Quebecers to hit Mo with their finish and retain.

Winners and Still WWF Tag Team Champions: The Quebecers in 9:46
The Quebecers are normally a safe bet for a good match but it’s almost impossible against Men on a Mission. Still, this might have been the best performance by the challengers. 

Next week, Bret Hart takes on Kwang!

IRS is in the ring to tell Tatanka to pay the taxes on his headdress. That’s it, that’s the only reason he got in the ring.

Overall: 2/10. Man the in-ring stuff tonight was bad. When Men on a Mission is in the best match of the night, you know you have a problem. At least they did a good job in setting up the eventual Luger/Perfect match that they thought would happen, but it did come on the awful King’s Court.

Raw History
Episode #59
April 18th, 1994 | Memorial Auditorium in Utica, New York

The show opens with another shot of Jerry Lawler falling last week. I feel like Vince found this much funnier than most. Macho Man again throws his name out for competition again but Vince gives zero fucks.

Non-Title Match
Bret Hart vs. Kwang w/ Harvey Wippleman

Kwang attacks from behind before the bell, which reminds me that this used to happen a ton back then. He lays into Bret with some bad looking KARATE before Bret turns it into a wrestling match and takes control. They fight outside and Kwang misses a kick, hitting the post instead. Vince shouts like this is some insane spot but it isn’t. As Kwang works over Bret, Owen Hart calls in. Kwang locks in the nerve hold, which is what you should do during the commercial break, not when you return. Owen makes a good point that he beat Bret on Bret’s best day since Bret would go on to win the gold. With the call over, Bret goes into the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM and Kwang submits to the Sharpshooter.

Winner: Bret Hart in 6:56
Solid little match here. Bret Hart has had better ones on Raw, but this was fine. Seeing the WWF Champion compete was a rare treat in this era and Bret always delivered something pretty good at worst. **½

Jeff Jarrett vs. PJ Walker
IT’S A BATTLE OF TWO FUTURE WORLD CHAMPIONS! Granted that would be in WCW and ECW in 2000, but still. While Jeff Jarrett goes through his offense, Vince and Savage discuss a bunch of other things, including Roseanne. Vince loved to talk about her didn’t he? The match is all Jarrett except for a small near fall from Walker. Jarrett wins with the DDT.

Winner: Jeff Jarrett in 4:01
Standard Jeff Jarrett squash. A bit dull and featured some stalling.

Capt. Lou Albano demands an answer about the Tag Team Title shot the Headshrinkers want.

The Steiner Brothers vs. Barry Hardy and Mike Khoury
Wait, what? I thought the Steiner Brothers were done by this time. Oh well, they are on their way out which is unfortunate as they were a highlight in 1993. A good chunk of this match features Scott beating the hell out of both jobbers. Vince suggests that the Steiners should get a manager or a coach. Vince points out the fact that Scott is being a bit rough tonight. Vince then forgets to discuss the match and goes off to talking about everything else he could possibly think of. Scott officially murders Khoury with the Screwdriver.

Winners: The Steiner Brothers in 5:14
Longer than I would have usually liked, but the Steiner Brothers always entertain with their need to mercilessly destroy ham and eggers.

A vignette airs for Duke “The Dumpster Droese. Oh no.

Speaking of “oh no”, it’s time for the King’s Court. His guest tonight is Alundra Blayze. This should be putrid as Lawler is awful and Blayze was always a god awful promo. She calls Lawler Humpty Dumpty because of his HILARIOUS, FUNNIEST THING IN WWF HISTORY, fall last week. She calls this show a cheap knockoff of Piper’s Pit. Lawler shrugs it off and asks her where her belt is. She insinuates that Jerry stole it. Jerry denies and brings out Luna Vachon. She is now accused of stealing the belt, but she denies despite being insane. Alundra challenges her now, which Savage considers a catfight. Despite challenging her, Alundra walks off. So, do we never find out where her belt went?

Next week, Jeff Jarrett faces Razor Ramon!

Earthquake vs. Mike Bell
All night long, Vince has been pumping the house show circuit and the upcoming WrestleMania Revenge Tour. Times were certainly different back then. He says that you can see Earthquake vs. Yokozuna on the tour, which would make me sell my ticket. This is all Earthquake.

Winner: Earthquake in 3:54
Earthquake had no business being around in 1994. He wasn’t putting on good performances at all.

We get a recap from Superstars where IRS beat up Tatanka after a loss to Kwang. He attacked him with the headdress and sets up what has potential to be the worst feud ever.

IRS vs. Major Yates
Really? Major Yates? IRS does IRS things, which is all incredibly boring stuff. He literally does nothing that is even remotely entertaining. He wins with the “penalty” which is an STF.

Winner: IRS in 3:34
IRS is boring. That is all.

Overall: 3/10. The marquee matchup was decent, so the show doesn’t get an awful score. However, the squash matches were all pretty dull and the King’s Court was the usual trash that it is. Jerry Lawler is one of the worst possible hosts for a talk show. Add in that Blayze and Luna aren’t great as guests and that segment was a recipe for disaster.

Raw History
Episode #60
April 25th, 1994 | Memorial Auditorium in Utica, New York

Non-Title Match
Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff Jarrett starts in the driver’s seat while Vince continues to plug the WrestleMania Revenge Tour non-stop. Razor catches him with a fallaway slam to the outside and we get a split screen replay. Macho Man sells this like it’s the most cutting edge thing in history. Jarrett turns things back around and works a chinlock on Razor. Razor starts to rally and we go to commercial. Seriously? Who set this up? You go to commercial during the rest hold and allow us to enjoy the comeback. It’s not hard. Jarrett works a sleeper, giving Razor a shot at a second babyface comeback. After Jarrett pulls down the ropes and Razor falls out, Shawn Michaels comes down to badmouth him. Razor nails him and goes in for offense on Jarrett. Shawn gets on the apron and is brought in the hard way. He sets him up for the Razor’s Edge but Diesel saves him and bit boots Razor.

Winner via disqualification: Razor Ramon in 9:39
Jeff Jarrett was given his first big TV match and did fairly well. He drew some good heat and the crowd was pretty into this. Razors comebacks were fun but the mistiming of the commercial breaks hurt this score a bit. **½

Diesel now hits Razor Ramon with two Jackknifes, hyping their upcoming Intercontinental Title match.

Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Luna Vachon vs. Tony DeVito
During this one sided affair, President Jack Tunney calls in. He will be launching an investigation into what Shawn Michaels, Diesel and Jeff Jarrett just did but also announces that the Headshrinkers will get their Tag Team Title shot next week. Bigelow wins via headbutt.

Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow in 2:16
Bigelow got in his stuff while we were given news. Basic.

Johnny Polo and the Quebecers freak out backstage about the title match. Polo is freaking out more as the Quebecers toughen up and say they’ll take care of their challengers.

The Heavenly Bodies w/ Jim Cornette vs. John Paul and Jason Headings
More news on commentary from Vince McMahon, who tells us that last week’s Raw was the highest rated in history. The Bodies do a nice double superkick before Del Ray this a nice powerbomb. They continue to dominate until Del Rey wins with a moonsault. Also, has he always been missing a tooth?

Winners: The Heavenly Bodies in 4:55
Better than the last squash. The Heavenly Bodies tend to bust out some fun offense from time to time, making this better than the average squash.

Time for another King’s Court. His guest is Nikolai Volkoff who has fallen on hard times. King makes fun of him for this and Nikolai says that he is proud to be an American, who is honest and hardworking, so he won’t beg King for a job. He then just goes back to his seat. Nobody cared.

1-2-3 Kid vs. Duane Gill
X-PAC VS. GILLBERG! Gill actually is able to get some offense in, which makes sense considering Kid is best when playing somewhat of an underdog. He goes into his fast paced offense, using those “educated feet”. He wins after a spinning heel kick.

Winner: 1-2-3 Kid in 3:11
Similar to Owen Hart, Kid always has fun squashes. This was another.


Owen Hart vs. Rich Myers
Hey, speaking of Owen Hart and his fun squash matches, let’s see if he proves me right here. The fans chant “we want Bret”, which angers Owen and causes his offense to be rather aggressive. Owen wins with the Sharpshooter.

Winner: Owen Hart in 3:23
He kind of proved me right. This wasn’t that much fun, but an aggressive Owen was interesting to see to say the least.

To close the show, Johnny Polo and Lou Albano get into an argument at ringside. Savage ends up holding Polo so Albano can strike him. I really feel like Savage looked for any excuse to get physical. He wanted to compete badly.

Overall: 5/10. The best episode in this batch. The Razor/Jarrett match was solid and the squashes were pretty much all decent and didn’t overstay their welcome. The King’s Court continues to drag the scores of these shows down by being awful.