Smackdown 7/2/15 Review

Smackdown's opening video package is cool this week, focusing on the J&J Raw segment. Seth Rollins and J&J come out to open the show and brag. Seth brags about the gifts he got them and what they did to Brock Lesnar. He is making the matches tonight, so he pits Dean Ambrose against Bray Wyatt and himself against Roman Reigns. On paper they're good but why waste Reigns/Rollins, an obvious PPV match, on Smackdown of all places? Ambrose runs out with a kendo stick and cleans house, so Seth says that his match is coming up now, bringing out Bray. They work their usual solid match. With Bray having an actual angle right now, we're in that stage where he has to win TV matches before losing the big one on the PPV, so he goes over with Sister Abigail in about seven minutes. Solid opening stuff to the show, but it's stuff we've seen countless times in the past year.

Adam Rose and Rosa Mendes are in the ring and Rose says the fans don't get their love and they're jelly. That's the entire fucking promo. R-Truth comes out for a match, which he wins in about two minutes. There are some recaps next, focusing on Rock's house show appearance and hype for John Cena/Kevin Owens. Ryback faces Mark Henry in a non-title match next. Henry gets mad when he hears Ryback say his name in a backstage interview and seems to go heel. BUT HE WAS FACE ON MONDAY! You know what? I can't even bother to care at this point. Ryback beats him with an impressive Shellshock in under seven minutes. The best part about this was Jimmy Uso getting excited on commentary.

Time for some Divas as Brie Bella takes on Naomi and I'm not sure if Naomi is still heel. I don't blame myself for not knowing, I'm pretty sure that creative doesn't know either. Brie is accompanied by Alicia Fox and no Nikki. I assumed it was because Nikki was over in Japan already, but Naomi is scheduled to be there too. This is your standard stuff between these two girls. Neither is bad, but neither is really that good either. They're more in the middle of the pack when it comes to the Divas. Brie wins after Alicia trips Naomi. Alicia Bella is still really fucking weird. Again, Jimmy Uso is a highlight on commentary. We move into a promo from Bray Wyatt about Roman Reigns. You know, Bray falls into the category of "the less said, the better." I like his promos, but when asked to do them over and over again, they can get repetitive. Is there a reason for him to cut a promo here? He already worked a match. Save it for Raw or something. Next up, the Tag Team Champions, the Prime Time Players, take on the Ascension. Again, I would consider this a basic match. Nothing special and the champions beat the Ascension. Well, really, who doesn't beat the Ascension these days?

Rusev and Summer Rae come out for a promo. Summer apologizes for slapping Lana before talking about how kind and gentle Rusev is. Though when Rusev mentions that Summer knows her place, she does seem offended by it. When the fans chant for Lana, he shouts "I HAVE A BETTER LANA-WOMAN NOW". Summer Rae is a better Lana in Rusev's eyes. I do consider her an upgrade. After Dolph Ziggler and Lana went public on Raw, Rusev will go public now. He promises to eat Dolph's eyes when he sees him. Well then. Time for the main event between Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. Reigns isn't there, so Rollins gets the official to count to ten. He does, but then Roman appears and is somehow not counted out. Why is the match starting? They work a decent five minute match that ends via disqualification when J&J Security get involved. Dean Ambrose runs out with his trusty kendo stick. Seth ends up trying to get him in the Pedigree, but Reigns makes that save. The former two Shield members run off Seth and J&J to stand tall. This was your typical Smackdown episode. The matches weren't bad, but it's just spinning the wheels. Everything is just running in place. Nothing about this show is something you need to see. We'll see the matches again on Raw soon probably. 3/10. 

Wrestlers of the Half Year (10-1)

10) Jay Lethal: We start with a man who recently, made a major mark by becoming a double champion. After holding the ROH Television Championship for over 440 days, Jay Lethal met Jay Briscoe in one of, if not the biggest match in ROH history. With the ROH World Championship and TV Titles both on the line in the main event of their "Best in the World" Pay-Per-View, Lethal was able to walk out after a great match with both belts. The guy went from Special K, to Black Machismo to the first double champion in a long time. Impressive stuff.

             9) Drew Galloway: Count Drew Galloway as a guy who left WWE and things got better. Think about this? After years of misuse in the WWE, Galloway now holds multiple titles. As of this writing, he is the current ICW Champion, DGUSA Open the Freedom Gate Champion, OCW Champion, DPW Champion and Evolve Champion. That's a lot of gold for one man. He has been the Evolve Champion for the entirety of 2015, and won a double title match to win the DGUSA belt on March 28th. Not only that, but he also made his return to mainstream television with a debut in TNA. He hasn't had as much success with Impact Wrestling but it's another notch in his solid 2015 belt.

8) Angelico, Ivelisse and Son of Havoc: Lucha Underground has arguably been the best weekly wrestling show on a weekly basis in 2015. One of the very best thing about that show is the tandem of Angelico, Ivelisse and Son of Havoc. What started as a solid pairing between just Havoc and Ivelisse became special when Angelico got involved. They went on to win the Trios Title Tournament and then defeat the Crew to officially win the belts in one of my three favorite Lucha Underground matches all year. They faced them again in a big ladder match that was fantastic as well. They continue to be highly enjoyable with each appearance.

7) Roman Reigns: The start of the year was not very kind to one Roman Reigns. Granted, he racked up a huge accomplishment by winning the Royal Rumble, but it came with a negative reaction. The crowd booed loudly on his whole celebration and things look bad. They would begin to turn around as he started to put on some great matches. He headlined Fast Lane against Daniel Bryan in one of my favorite WWE matches all year. Then, at WrestleMania, he competed with Brock Lesnar, telling a great story in the main event. If that wasn't enough, he would even get a really good match out of the Big Show at Extreme Rules. Throw in a solid Money in the Bank match along with a great Fatal Four Way at Payback, and I'd have to say that Reigns has been killing it in a way I never expected.

6) Roderick Strong: Since I first saw him in 2005, Roderick Strong has been a guy I truly enjoy. I can't believe it has been ten years since I first saw him. Hell, I even watched him win the ROH World Title live from Tyler Black. 2015 has been a banner year for Roddy. He's honestly kind of become the measuring stick on the indies. He currently holds the PWG Championship and one of my ten favorite matches this year saw him successfully defend it against Zach Sabre Jr. He also continues to kill it as "Mr. ROH" over in Ring of Honor. He is first in line at a title shot against Jay Lethal at the next Pay-Per-View. Strong has put on great match after great match in 2015. The man is simply fantastic.

5) Prince Puma: As I stated earlier, Lucha Underground has been fantastic all year long. While there are various entertaining acts on their roster, one man stands at the forefront and that's the champion, Prince Puma. He is the first and only Lucha Underground Champion, and has had nothing but good to great matches. Whether it's against King Cuerno, Big Ryck, Johnny Mundo or anyone else, Puma has been an excellent choice as the champion of the new promotion and has hand a tremendous 2015. Again, he's a guy that you will find on my list of top matches in 2015 and it I do more than 10, you may see him there more than once.

4) AJ Styles: Since first seeing AJ Styles in 2005 with TNA, he's been my favorite male wrestler in the world. After he left TNA, he seems to have found new life in NJPW. He won the IWGP Title but lost it before 2015. To start the year, he had a really good match at Wrestle Kingdom 9 before going back after the IWGP Championship. He defeated the man who beat him for it, Hiroshi Tanahasi, in February. Since then, he's successfully defended it while leading the Bullet Club. His work in NJPW and ROH continues to be great as his career resurgence just stays on a high level in 2015.

             3) Sasha Banks: I didn't think it was possible, but I have a brand new favorite wrestler. Sasha Banks overtook AJ Styles thorugh her passionf or the business and her ability in the ring. After coming up short in winning the NXT Women's Championship at the end of 2014, she won it at TakeOver: Rival in February in a fantastic fatal four way match that cracks my top ten. At the four live NXT shows I attended in Ohio, she had three more really good to great matches. Then, at TakeOver: Unstoppable, she had my singles WWE match of the year against Becky Lynch. I cannot rave enough about that match or Sasha in general. All of it is tremendous and everything about her it great.

2) Seth Rollins: If this list also included 2014, Seth Rollins would easily top it. His heel run has been great and it went over the top early in 2015. He went out and stole the show in a triple threat match against Brock Lesnar and John Cena at the Royal Rumble. He was in a high profile angle with Jon Stewart for a bit. At WrestleMania, despite a loss to Randy Orton in a good match, he cashed in Money in the Bank in the main event and walked out of the biggest show of the year with the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. If his title run was being booked better, he'd have the top spot. Instead, he'll have to settle for number two.

1) Kevin Owens: In 2015, there has been nobody better than NXT Champion Kevin Owens. Owens debuted in December 2014 but quickly made an impact by attacking his best friend and NXT Champion at the time, Sami Zayn. They would meed in February for the NXT Title. Owens would nearly kill Sami to win it within two months of his debut. He didn't stop there though. He would make his biggest splash by appearing on Raw and assaulting John Cena before beating him cleanly at Elimination Chamber. Owens also has put on good matches on the main roster against Dolph Ziggler, Cesaro, Neville and others. He may have lost the rematch to Cena but still took him out and even made some waves by powerbombing Machine Gun Kelly through a table on Raw. Owens also beat Zayn again at TakeOver: Unstoppable. He is involved in high profile feuds with John Cena, Finn Balor and even Samoa Joe. There is nobody making more wrestling news than Kevin Owens.

Monday Night Rollins Review

It's only fitting that Monday Night Rollins would kick off with Seth Rollins himself. He brags about what he, J&J Security and Kane did to Brock Lesnar last week. He thanks them by giving them Apple watches, giving Kane a Hawaiian vacation and J&J a new car. It was like the Price is Right. I enjoyed the douchey segment, mainly because J&J are spectacular. Nobody interrupted or anything, and it led to our awful opening contest between Big Show and Mark Henry. It's hard to think of a match I'd care less about. Henry is a face again for no real reason. Show wins with the WMD, before Ryback shows up to fight. This also leads into the next match, which pits Ryback against Miz. The continuity of these matches was fine but the crowd didn't care about this. Ryback even busted out a super delayed vertical suplex, and even that didn't wake up the crowd. Miz got tired of this and ran up the ramp to leave and counted out. My only major concern with this was that the countout ended at four. Like, that's just plain lazy work from the official.

The Bella Twins are out next with Alicia Fox, or Alicia Bella I guess. Alicia took on Paige and they worked through a commercial break which was fine. They had a good match. JBL pissed me off on commentary as he just straight up shit on Paige and made her sound like a terrible person. Like, just talk about she's untrustworthy, don't take it as far as you did. They did the whole "person gets thrown outside so we interrupt the match for a commercial" spot. It's such an irritating thing to me. Figure out your commercial breaks better. Paige wins by countering a rollup which was fine, but it doesn't advance the angle much. Why is Alicia with the Bellas? Is anything going to happen soon to change this status quo?

John Cena made his appearance next to bring back our beloved US Title Open Challenge. Surprisingly, Kevin Owens looks like he's going to answer it. They do the introductions and everything only for Owens to leave and bring out Cesaro for the challenge. Owens joined commentary and killed, putting over his July 4th match with Finn Balor and the Battleground match with Cena. The match was one of the better ones on Raw all year, right up there with Cena/Neville for the US Title a few months back. They did a great job in making fans care about Cesaro as they popped for near falls. It followed the "tons of kick outs" Cena formula, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. They even protected Cesaro and his performance as Owens came in to cause the disqualification. Hopefully, they don't forget about it like they did with Neville. Owens laid out both guys in one of the better segments/matches I can recall on Raw this year.

We get the typical Bray Wyatt promo on his feud with Roman Reigns. That moved us into an eight man tag pitting the Lucha Dragons and Prime Time Players against the New Day and Bo Dallas. They did this same match on Smackdown, but this was an extended version of it. What I don't understand is why Kofi Kingston ate the pin. Bo Dallas is a total jobber at this point and him being in there made him perfect pin bait. I know Kingston isn't going to win on the 4th of July against Brock Lesnar, but could he at least not look like a complete loser heading into the match? To begin the final hour, Dolph Ziggler and Lana are out to go "public". They discuss Rusev and how Lana and Dolph are officially dating. This brings out Rusev, who has gone from emo dude that's sad about Lana to bitter dude who has upgraded to Summer Rae. Summer ran down Lana for a while before slapping her. That leads to Lana attacking her and giving us a PG 13 version of those old ECW catfights. I needed some screeching from Joey Styles to help this. It's the first step towards Lana stepping into the ring but this whole Lana/Ziggler angle is absolutely pointless. Why is it happening? Who is it really helping? I miss Lana and Rusev together. At least made sense and was entertaining. This is kind of just there. Plus, I actually prefer Summer to Lana but a slight margin.

The guy that does the Red Arrow and has nothing more to his character, Neville, is out. He goes one on one with Sheamus in a decent but rather irrelevant match. It wasn't bad but it was just there. Sheamus won following a Brogue Kick. Up next, Jack Swagger, the ultimate jobber, was out to face another relative jobber, King Barrett. You know your career is in a bad spot when you are jobbing to Barrett. That dude almost never wins but he did so here. There was surprisingly no R-Truth interaction here which is odd given his program with Barrett.

Monday Night Rollins is bookended by the man himself. Our main event is one we've seen a trillion times as Reigns and Ambrose take on Kane and Rollins. It was no DQ so it at least had a slightly different flavor. That stipulation allowed for some kendo sticks and a Bray Wyatt appearance. He attacked Roman Reigns before Seth pinned Ambrose. Post match, the Authority beat down Reigns and Seth even buckle bombed him through a table. Bray Wyatt casually strolled out, which was so damn odd given his gimmick, and hit Reigns with Sister Abigail to close things. I feel like the Bray character means absolutely nothing anymore which is sad considering the potential it had. Overall, I think this Raw was a step up from recent weeks. There was some great (Cesaro/Cena), some good (the opening promo, Paige/Alicia and Seth looking strong), and the not so good (everything else). I say this gets an above average score. 6.5/10.

Fave Five 6/22/15-6/28/15

1) Mil Muertes: Wow, it's been a slow week for pro wrestling hasn't it? There wasn't anything that especially stood out, so I went with someone who captured a big win. Mil Muertes is one of my favorite performers in Lucha Underground. His partnership with Catrina is great and his Grave Consequences match against Fenix is my favorite LU match in history. This week, he defeated another favorite of mine, Drago, to become the number one contender to the Lucha Underground Championship. That in itself is big, but the fact that he gets his shot at LU's biggest show, ULTIMA LUCHA, makes him more than deserving of the top spot this week.

             2) The Young Bucks: I've been vocal about how I'm not a big fan of the Young Bucks. Despite my personal feelings towards the team, they are certainly successful. The current reigning IWGP Jr. Tag Team Champions added more gold to their collection this week. At PWG's Mystery Vortex III, Matt and Nick Jackson won the PWG Tag Team Championships for the fourth time. That is a record for the company. They bested Andrew Everett and Trevor Lee to accomplish the feat. Couple that with their victory, alongside AJ Styles, in the main event of ROH on Destination America this week and you've got a recipe for a spot on the list.

3) Tigre Uno: TNA seems to be in pretty big trouble these days. I mean, did you see the card for Slammiversary? Still, one guy stood out in the company this week and that was Tigre Uno. He first won the new look X-Division Championship on Impact against former champion Low Ki and Grado. Then, at that weak Slammiversary show, he successfully retained the green and gold belt in another three way match. This one was against DJ Z and Manik. I'm honestly not entirely sure how much time TNA has left as a viable wrestling promotion, but Tigre Uno is doing his best to make the most of the potential final days of the company. He's an enjoyable act and one of the few bright spots left in TNA at this time.

4) Jeff Jarrett: Similar to the Young Bucks on this list, Jeff Jarrett isn't someone I really like. However, his name may have been in more headlines than anyone else this past week. First, he appeared on Impact for the first time in a few years. It turns out there is a working agreement between TNA and Jarrett's GFW. At Slammiversary, TNA brought back a match that Jarrett kind of made famous, the King of the Mountain match. It was for a new King of the Mountain Title. Why you debut a new belt but can barely keep your company running is beyond me but still. Jarrett would go on to win yet another King of the Mountain match and the title. It may not be prestigious or mean much in the grand scheme of things, but it's worthy of making my five in a slow week.

5) Aerostar: Unfortunately, Aerostar is someone that I haven't been able to see very often. It was a pretty good week for him though as he racked up an impressive win on Lucha Underground this week. He defeated Cage, The Mack and Marty "The Moth" Martinez to win the third of the seven Aztec Medallions. I'll be 100% honest, I missed some Lucha Underground, so I'm not entirely sure what the Medallions actually are, but it seems to mean something of value, making it at least a pretty big victory.

Random Network Reviews: No Mercy 2005

No Mercy 2005
October 9th, 2005 – Toyota Center in Houston, Texas – Attendance: 7,000

Unfortunately, this show must be viewed with a bit of a heavy heart as this would turn out to be the last Pay-Per-View that the late Eddie Guerrero would ever compete in. After viewing Backlash ’99 (Owen Hart’s last PPV) and One Night Stand ’07 (Chris Benoit’s), hopefully I don’t have to do many more like this. Enough of that though, this is a show that I don’t believe I ordered live so it should be a first time viewing for me and those excite me. Let’s dive in!

The opening video talks about Eddie Guerrero’s heel turn where he said he’s no longer addicted to pills but he’s addicted to being the World Heavyweight Champion. I do feel that Eddie did good work during this heel run, but the fans wanted to cheer him badly. It also promotes the Undertaker vs. Randy Orton feud. Michael Cole and Tazz introduce the show as this is a Smackdown exclusive PPV. Spanish commentary is there too, so expect a table spot.

Six Person Intergender Tag Team Match
Legion of Doom and Christy Hemme vs. MNM
I never really found Melina to be that hot but the split was great with her short skirt. It pains me to write Legion of Doom for an old, out of shape Animal and Heidenreich. Oh my god, they were the WWE Tag Team Champions. Heidenreich is a dirty fighter because he brings Johnny Nitro in while MNM is talking strategy. His face paint is strange for sure and he nails a huge clothesline. Animal gets the tag and he somehow kicks out of the Snapshot. To be fair, it did take a bit to pin him. Animal is sporting some shoulder tape, so MNM starts to target it. Melina even gets in some cheap shots from the apron on Animal. Didn’t Tatanka come back around the same time as Animal? What was Smackdown thinking? Mercury tries a cross body but is caught with a powerslam for two. Heidenreich is tired of waiting for the hot tag and comes in before going outside with Nitro. Melina tags herself in as Mercury is down and leaps into Animal like a moron. She gets caught and Christy gets the tag. They steal the Hart Attack clothesline and I die a little inside. Christy botches a hurricanrana and they signal for the Doomsday Device. Christy goes to the top and they actually hit it. Christy covers and that’s all.

Winners: Legion of Doom and Christy Hemme in 6:26
The crowd was surprisingly hot for this. MNM worked the shoulder, which made sense and it was kept relatively short. Basically, it was inoffensive and that’s more than I expected. **

Batista is shown warming up in the back when Eddie Guerrero walks in. He stares him down and wishes him good luck through gritted teeth before Batista says it back and that’s it.

Bobby Lashley vs. Simon Dean
Before the match, Simon Dean cuts a promo about the city of Houston being the fattest city in America. He also brought out twenty double cheeseburgers and says that if he loses, he will eat all twenty. Dean is wrestling with a cast because Lashley broke his hand a few weeks ago. Lashley tosses him around and when Dean goes to use the cast, gets caught and suplexed hard. He does dodge a move and Lashley hits the turnbuckle. He then throws a cheeseburger in what has to be one of the best referee distraction techniques ever. He hits Lashley in the head with the tray but it has zero effect. What is he, Samoan? Lashley throws him into the corner and slams him before planting him with the Dominator to win his PPV debut.

Winner: Bobby Lashley in 1:53
Exactly what I expected this to be. A squash but I will admit that it was more entertaining than I expected. SQUASH

Post-match, Lashley shoves a cheeseburger in Simon Dean’s mouth. I guess he’ll eat the other 19 in the back. Some backstage announcer that I don’t recognize, interviews JBL about the possibility of Raw Superstars invading. Jillian Hall and her stupid face growth is with him. JBL calls his opponent for the night, Rey Mysterio a tortilla or something. Rey shows up, speaks Spanish and then says that JBL may want to hide his face in shame behind a Mysterio mask. JBL declines so Rey says that Jillian needs it more. He’s not wrong.

United States Championship Fatal Four Way Match
Chris Benoit (c) vs. Booker T w/ Sharmell vs. Christian vs. Orlando Jordan
One of these things just doesn’t belong here. I’m looking at you Orlando Jordan. Man, the WWE missed the boat with Christian in 2005. Chris Benoit gets knocked outside so Christian and OJ double up on Booker. Booker has the crowd firmly behind him, being from Houston and he goes for the Scissors Kick but Christian trips him up and throws him into the steel steps. Benoit gets the Crossface on OJ, which is what won him the belt at SummerSlam in like 20 seconds. Christian breaks it up and eats a snap suplex for his troubles. Benoit suplexes OJ on Christian as well before a drop toe hold drives Christian into OJ’s crotch. After seeing his TNA gimmick, he might have liked that. It’s like its 1999 as Booker connects with a missile dropkick. Benoit and Booker end up as the only guys in the ring and commentary mentions that they are friends. They bring up the classic Best of Seven from WCW and the WWE would redo it shortly after this. Their stuff gets interrupted by the heels. Benoit and Christian fight on the top when Booker is sent in and knocks them both off and to the outside. OJ charges into a rollup but Booker only gets two. Booker hits a Double A like spinebuster but Christian messes with the pin. Booker stays hot by hitting Christian and then kicking Benoit. HOUSTON SPINAROONIE! Scissors Kick connects on OJ but that Creepy Little Bastard breaks it again. He goes for the Unprettier on Benoit but it’s reversed into Germans. It’s broken up before the third but he eventually hits it anyway. He decides to say fuck it, I’ll do another three Germans. He goes up top but misses the diving headbutt. Crossface ends up locked in on Christian anyway until OJ breaks it. He is thrown out, so Benoit locks Christian in the Sharpshooter and Captain Charisma is forced to tap.

Winner and still WWE United States Champion: Chris Benoit in 10:23
That was nothing if not fun. It went at a breakneck pace and never slowed down. Everybody played their roles well and the Sharpshooter finish was unexpected, which I like. ***1/4

Booker T is crushed that he couldn’t win in his hometown and Sharmell, ever the vindictive woman, blames Chris Benoit. She says that he is not Booker’s friend, leading to their feud. We cut to see Lashley making Simon Dean eat the cheeseburgers.

Hardcore Holly vs. Mr. Kennedy
Mr. Kennedy makes sure to introduce himself before the bell, which he was so damn captivating at. Hardcore Holly is actually introduced by Tony Chimel as the “Alabama Slamma”. I can’t make this up. Kennedy is tentative but is brought in the hard way. At this point, Kennedy was undefeated and had beaten two former World Champions in Rey Mysterio and Booker T. Hardcore snaps off his dropkick, which was for a long time, the best in the business. Holly dominates the start until Kennedy pulls him outside. He drives his shoulder into the ring post for a one count. Kennedy works the shoulder for a bit, using one of my favorite moves, the single arm DDT. Despite that, this is pretty dull stuff. Holly rallies but the crowd doesn’t care and he hits a big full nelson slam for two. Kennedy oddly goes for a high kick and ends up trying Trouble in Paradise. Holly looks confused and blocks it, which was funny. Holly goes up top, so Kennedy meets him with the Green Bay Plunge to stay undefeated.

Winner: Mr. Kennedy in 8:49
I liked the arm work as Kennedy worked it well and Holly sold it better, but the crowd knew the outcome and didn’t care for Holly’s rally. They did pop for the finish, but it was too little too late. *3/4

Officials come out to check on Holly’s arm but because he’s Hardcore, he wants no help. Sylvan, Smackdown’s fashion consultant, comes out and attacks Hardcore Holly. I didn’t care and nobody else did either.

More of Simon Dean having to eat burgers and he finds a hair in the food. That’s awful. Sharmell is shown yelling at Booker T because Chris Benoit is a winner and Booker isn’t. Mr. Kennedy interrupts and is his usual brash self. Booker wants to hit him but Sharmell says that Kennedy and Benoit aren’t the problem. He is! Booker should’ve given her the Scissors Kick.

John “Bradshaw” Layfield w/ Jillian Hall vs. Rey Mysterio
Tazz spends the first few seconds just talking about Mil Mascaras but he butchers his last name, even though he says it about fifteen times. JBL tries to bully Rey but the underdog responds with kicks. JBL grounds him with a headlock for a while. Rey gets free and begins to play cat and mouse with JBL. It’s funny to see JBL chase him and get tired. Rey uses a dropkick to the knee for a near fall and is wisely uses his speed and going after the leg. Rey goes for the 619 but misses. He goes to springboard out but JBL pulls Jillian in the way. For some reason, he turns his back and allows Rey to bulldog him. JBL changes the pace by driving Rey’s face into the steel steps. The next big spots comes from a second rope fallaway slam by JBL but instead of going for a pin, he does another fallaway slam. JBL goes outside and hits a third out there. Rey shows that heart and desire by kicking out, which frustrates JBL. He applies a bearhug but Rey counters with a tornado DDT. He hits a springboard cross body and a hurricanrana before busting out the bronco buster. Jillian gets on the apron, giving up an upskirt view. JBL almost runs into her by mistake but stops and is grossed out by her face. Rey hits a moonsault for two. Clothesline from Hell is stopped by a dropkick and Rey nails the 619. He goes for the West Coast Pop, but JBL dodges and strikes with the Clothesline from Hell to end it.

Winner: John “Bradshaw” Layfield in 13:23
You know what? That was much better than I expected it to be. Rey Mysterio always plays the underdog amongst the best to ever do it and JBL was great as the ruthless bully. Good big man/little man match. ***

Handicap Casket Match
“Cowboy” Bob Orton and Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker
The Ortons attempt to corner Undertaker but it fails and he ends up laying into both of them in the corner. Randy hits a low blow that takes Undertaker down. Good to know; even if you’re dead, a shot to the nuts still hurts. Taker survives some shots and goes to throw Randy in the casket but Randy dodges the box. Bob is selling every shot like it’s killing him but when he goes in the casket, he moves faster than I’ve ever seen him move. I’m talking even back in the 80’s. Undertaker is wisely focusing on Randy, hitting him with Old School before punching Bob. He hits a Downward Spiral, which I don’t remember him having in his arsenal. He goes for Old School on Bob but Orton crotches him. The Ortons do a double second rope suplex that Cole calls a “duperplex”. Someone fire him right now. They try to do another one into the casket, which makes no sense, so Taker counters into a double DDT. Bob goes in but Orton survives with a neckbreaker. Bob gets a fire extinguisher and is walking like he’s in quicksand. Undertaker stops him obviously and gets a chair. He hits Randy in the back which puts him in the casket. He struggles to get Bob’s fat ass in, so he uses a triangle choke to do so. A “rest in peace” chants starts, which I’ve never liked. Both Ortons are in but Randy stops it from closing. He nails a powerslam inside and tries to end it, but Undertaker hits a low blow. They trade blows in the ring and Randy goes for his Last Ride. As he goes to place Randy in the casket, Bob comes out from it and sprays him with the extinguisher, leading to an RKO. Bob goes to roll him in but a choke stops that, so Randy lays him out with the extinguisher. Undertaker pulls Randy in with him and both are locked in the casket. BOB ORTON WINS! They open it and Randy hits him with a steel chair before closing it.

Winners: Bob and Randy Orton in 19:16
Knowing that I enjoyed their WrestleMania 21 match, I had higher hopes for this. It was a handicap casket match though, so it wasn’t very great. They did their best but that’s not much.**1/2

The Ortons drags the casket up to the entrance and Bob gets an axe. Randy starts chopping it up like he’s a lumberjack. Bob brings out gasoline and they set the casket on fire. They celebrate but guess what guys? DID YOU NOT WATCH THE 1998 ROYAL RUMBLE? THIS DOES NOTHING BUT GIVE THE UNDERTAKER A VACATION!

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Nunzio (c) w/ Vito vs. Juventud w/ Psicosis and Super Crazy
Poor cruiserweights are supposed to go on after the crowd thinks The Undertaker died. So Juvi earned this shot by winning a battle royal on Velocity, leading to the FBI and Mexicools clashing in a battle of which group stereotypes their race more. We get like seven near falls in the first minute. Looking at the waist on Juvi, I wouldn’t consider him a cruiserweight. He goes up top but Nunzio pulls him down and earns a near fall. They botch a victory roll spot for two and Nunzio retaliates with an Italian leg sweep. See what I did there? Both guys go up top and do like a double facebuster or something. After dueling near falls, a spin kick from Juvi is followed by a dropkick for guess what? Two. Flying head scissors is reversed into a bomb for two again. Juvi uses a craft move to take out Vito on the outside and hits a cross body, but Nunzio rolls through for two. Juvi hits a northern lights suplex right into the Juvi Driver and captures the gold.

Winner and New WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Juventud in 6:37
I’ll give them credit for trying. The fifteen or so near falls was a neat concept but the problem was that the crowd didn’t care, so they didn’t bite on them. **3/4

Of course they get Spanish commentator Hugo to interview Juvi. He rambles in Spanish, as does Super Crazy but Psicosis claims that “your ass is grass and we’re the lawnmowers.” Yup. We get another stupid Lashley and Simon Dean segment.

World Heavyweight Championship
Batista (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero
From what I see in the video package, the Eddie Guerrero/Batista angle was interesting and pretty well done. Things begin with a feeling out process and Batista uses his power to make Eddie regroup outside. Inside, they trade some holds and Batista scores the first near fall with a body slam. Eddie steps outside and grabs a steel chair, causing Cole to shout “I KNEW IT! THE OLD EDDIE GUERRERO!” Eddie decides against it and Batista is pissed, so he grabs him around the throat. Eddie snaps him on the tope rope and connects with the Frog Splash on Batista’s back, but only gets two! Is a Frog Splash to the back not as effective as one on the chest? Regardless, Eddie targets the back with a dropkick and a half Boston crab. He removes the tag rope but again goes against cheating. STORYTELLING! Eddie applies a rear naked choke of sorts but Batista manages to power out. He goes with a bearhug but Eddie breaks it by clapping behind his head. Batista gets fired up and charges, but Eddie dropkicks him in the knee and tries the Lasso from El Paso. Batista counters with a small package for two. Eddie knocks out the referee by accident. He realizes that both the official and the Champion are down, so he grins and grabs the steel chair. He struggles with himself and again goes against it, so Batista is able to take control. He beats him from pillar to post and a back body drop is followed by a Spear. He goes all Ultimate Warrior with the rope and attempts the Batista Bomb but Eddie rolls forward because Batista’s back is out. He still hits a spinebuster but is too hurt to cover on time and only gets two. Eddie blocks an elbow and hits the Three Amigos. The signals for the Frog Splash and the crowd pops. He misses and runs into a spinebuster, which is surprisingly enough to end it.

Winner and Still World Heavyweight Champion: Batista in 18:40
The story of Eddie Guerrero trying to stay reformed and fighting with his instincts was great. Batista sold the back well throughout, Eddie looked great and things made sense. Even the spinebuster finish made sense since Batista couldn’t do the Batista Bomb. ***3/4

Batista picks up Eddie Guerrero after the match and raises his arm. He backs away and extends his hand for Batista, who reciprocates. Eddie gives an intriguing grin as Batista turns around and it seemed like this was going to get much more interesting if it wasn’t for Eddie’s untimely passing.

Overall: 6/10; Average. Going in, I didn’t have high expectations as I knew that brand exclusive PPVs could sometimes drag. This was a bit better than I thought it would be. The main event told a great story, the US Title match was a lot of fun and JBL/Rey was big man vs. little man done right. The main issue is that everything else is subpar at best. Next time on “Random Network Reviews”, I take a long look at the very first ever Clash of the Champions!

Raw History: Episode 4

Monday Night Raw “RIP Andre” [4]
February 1st, 1993 – Manhattan Center in Manhattan, New York

Can the WWF continue off of a great episode of Raw? Let's find out. For the first time, we go straight into a match. Commentary is back to Vince McMahon, Macho Man and Rob Bartlett.

Damien Damento vs. Tatanka
I must have missed it on the first episode but Damien Damento is introduced as hailing from the “outer reaches of your mind.” Tatanka hits a hip toss and body slam before knocking Damento outside. Instead of regrouping, Damento decides it's best to talk to the heavens for some reason. Back inside, Damento uses an eye rake to take control and he connects with a big clothesline. Damento continues with a big leg drop for a near fall. Vince reminds us that Tatanka is undefeated. Damento is getting in way more offense than I expected as he uses a rest hold to wear down the Native American. He rallies out and no sells a shot to the turnbuckle. He must be a Braves fan as he Tomahawk Chops and dances around before finishing off Damento.

Winner: Tatanka in 4:10
Nothing match really. Damento controlled too much of it for Tatanka to be impressive to me. *1/4

In a cool video, we see highlights of the WWF's recent live event at Madison Square Garden for “Headlock on Hunger.” It shows Bret Hart presenting a check for charity.

We return to see Vince McMahon in the ring as he is going to interview a returning great. It's Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. So, I guess we're false advertising now huh? They discuss his parasailing injury and how he's returning now. He talks about the rough times that he has had lately including getting a divorce and having family members die. They're showing shots of the crowd and they GIVE NO CARES. That is, until Beefcake mentions Hulk Hogan! Nope, they're still dull. It's an incredibly strange promo as he's just rambling. I hated this segment.

High Energy vs. “Iron” Mike Sharpe and Von Crush
The ring girls are terrible looking, even the ones who are not purposely ugly. For those who are unaware, Von Crush is the future Vito and he's not in good shape. Neither is Mike Sharpe, but he's awesome so it's okay. Sharpe and Owen start. While Sharpe overpowers Owen, he uses hit athleticism to take over. Double team offense works although they allow Sharpe to tag in Vito. I guess they figure he's an easier target. Koko hits a missile dropkick that allows Owen to get a rollup and a win.

Winners: High Energy in 1:31
Really short and not much happened. SQUASH

We go to a video of Doink attacking Crush with his fake arm on Superstars two weeks ago. This would keep Crush out of the Royal Rumble and he won't be returning for a few weeks.

Doink the Clown vs. Typhoon
Add Typhoon to the list of guys that I don't recall lasting long in 1993. Doink wisely goes for the big man's legs and shows that he's such a good wrestler. I just remembered that Typhoon would go on to have a SHOCKING debut in WCW soon. Doink continues to work various holds to wear down Typhoon until he breaks free and applies a bearhug. Doink rakes the eyes to break it and goes back to a front face lock. Typhoon gets out and hits a slam but misses a corner splash. Doink hits a second rope shoulder block and earns the win with a handful of tights.

Winner: Doink in 3:11
Boring contest that too many slow and wear down holds. It made sense but wasn't fun. *1/2

Vince McMahon interviews Todd Pettengill about WWF Mania before we go to a ten bell salute for Andre the Giant, who had recently passed. We then get the ICOPRO and Slim Jim commercials, however, sandwiched in between was the awesome Hasbro action figure commercial. It makes me all nostalgic.

Bobby DeVito vs. Yokozuna w/ Mr. Fuji
Macho Man does such a great job at putting over talent, he's easily been the bright spot on commentary. Bobby DeVito is the future ECW Baldie, Tony DeVito. DeVito charges at Yokozuna like an idiot and it fails. Jim Duggan calls in because he is challenging Yokozuna. He's not too bright. While he rambles, Yokozuna continues to squash DeVito and ends it with the Banzai Drop.

Winner: Yokozuna in 2:02
Another squash. Tonight has not really had any competitive matches. SQUASH

Vince McMahon conducts a ringside interview with the WWF Tag Team Champions, Money Inc. Vince tries to get the fans to boo Ted Dibiase but it doesn't work so well. They badmouth Brutus Beefcake until Jimmy Hart comes out to try and get them to chill out even though he's their manager. Money Inc. challenges Beefcake next week to face either one of them.

Before the next match, The Narcissist poses in front of a mirror in the ring until he's interrupted by the sight of the biggest ring girl ever. We also see the incredible Mr. Perfect football vignette. The one where he throws the football to himself and his theme hits. You could say, it's the perfect vignette.

Jason Knight vs. The Narcissist
In a continuing trend of future ECW wrestlers doing jobs, Jason Knight would face the Narcissist in his first match. Lex Luger screamed natural heel to me. He poses after nearly every single move he hits. Luger busts out the EDDIE GILBERT hot shot and I'm upset that it has taken four episodes for this to happen. Luger misses a forearm badly and the fans tell him that he missed it so he just does it again. He pins with only his pinkie.

Winner: The Narcissist in 2:38
Another squash. Not a great show from a match standpoint. SQUASH

Lex Luger does a Cesaro Swing, but an incredibly poor version, after the match. They then advise us that Raw will be back in two weeks because the Dog Show airs next week.

Overall: 3/10; Bad. The first Raw that I can truly say I did not like. They managed to get in five matches but three of them were straight squashes and the other two weren't very good. The Beefcake segment was ridiculously strange. The WWF fails to build on the strong third episode.