Thursday, February 23, 2017
Raw History: Episodes #82-84
Was every arena called the Memorial Auditorium in 1994? Vince McMahon and Macho Man are our hosts.
Yes, Doink now has two little friends. Jeff Jarrett gets the advantage to start but Doink turns it around after Dink bites Jarrett’s ass. It’s funny to see Jarrett sell the butt while in a headlock. Jarrett comes back with an abdominal stretch, using the ropes for leverage. Hey, that’s the Million Dollar Corporation’s trademark dammit. Jerry Lawler’s little friends, Queasy and an unnamed second put the boots to Doink behind the referee’s back. Jarrett now work a dull heat segment for a while. Doink rallies while Dink and Wink give chase to the tiny kings outside. The referee gets distracted by this for some reason so he misses Doink hitting the Whoopee Cushion. Lawler comes out and nails him, allowing Jarrett to steal this.
Well that was pretty dull. Jeff Jarrett controlling a match at this point wasn’t very good and Doink was pretty bad at this point.
Jerry Lawler runs to commentary to introduce the second little man as Sleazy. There also won’t be a King’s Court tonight, so that’s a positive.
It’s another two first name jobber. Raymond slaps Bulldog, which is a mistake. Bulldog hits a dropkick, back body drop and the stalling suplex. He continues to toss the ham and egger around before picking up the win with the running powerslam.
Fine stuff here. British Bulldog didn’t bore me and made the most of his squash opportunity.
We go back to Superstars this past weekend when Bob Backlund choked out his former manager and Hall of Famer, Arnold Skaaland. Backlund tries to stop the tape from airing but fails. The video airs and Backlund goes into rant mode. It’s not the sanest promo but I guess that’s kind of the point. The highlight of the promo is Backlund saying he’s never eaten marijuana. He threatens to put the crossface chicken wing on a fan, so Lex Luger comes out and challenges him. Backlund gets in the ring and shuffles around but officials keep them apart.
Reno Riggins is getting up there with Barry Horowitz and Duane Gill as the most frequent jobbers. The marquee match this Sunday on Superstars is Holly against Backlund. Holly gets in about 90% of the offense in the match and he wins with a flying cross body.
The best part about this was Vince saying Holly got the “checkered flag” here.
Next week, Razor Ramon defends the Intercontinental Title against Yokozuna!
Before the match, IRS promises to expose the biggest tax cheat in history, the Undertaker. How is he a tax cheat exactly? McNeany actually scores a near fall on a school boy. That makes IRS mad so he makes the jobber submit to the Penalty.
Ah, yes. If I have to sit through IRS matches, please continue to keep them under two minutes.
This past week on Superstars, Paul Bearer pushed out a casket to the ring to scare the hell out of Yokozuna. Superstars needs to be on the WWE Network because I miss out on some things.
Recently, the Bodies lost to the Smoking Gunns according to Vince. Maybe that was on Superstars too. Or on the Hart Attack tour. The Bodies do their usual stuff and win.
Lex Luger issues a challenge to Bob Backlund and we’ll have to wait until next week I guess to see if he responds.
Overall: Another ho-hum episode. The featured match wasn’t very entertaining but the squashes were either alright or short. Bob Backlund stole the show here as his promo was top notch insanity. Outside of that, this was a pretty easy skip.
Vince McMahon and Randy Savage are our hosts.
Yokozuna attacks before the bell because that’s what pretty much all heels did at the time. Razor turns things around and uses right hands to send Yokozuna to the outside. The crowd is pretty hot for this. They actually have some decent back and forth until a leg drop leads to the dreaded nerve hold to take us to a commercial. Yokozuna has the upper hand now and pounds on Razor. He does the even more dreaded DOUBLE NERVE HOLD! How is Razor even still alive? When Razor rallies and gets close to a win, the crowd completely eats it up. Razor lays into Yokozuna as a druid rolls a casket to ringside. Yokozuna is knocked outside and backs into it. When he notices what it is, he runs away and gets counted out.
Better than I expected. It stalled during the nerve hold spots but the start and the finishing stretches were both rather decent. Not very good, but as I said, I expected worse.
Todd Pettengil brings us our first Survivor Series Report! The first thing he takes us to is the Action Zone yesterday. After retaining his gold against Owen Hart, Bret accepted Bob Backlund’s challenge. They will meet for the belt at Survivor Series. As for the traditional Survivor Series matches, we find out that Adam Bomb, Lex Luger, Mabel and the Smoking Gunns make up “Guts n’ Glory.” They will face the Million Dollar Team of Tatanka, Bigelow, King Kong Bundy and the Heavenly Bodies.
Next week, Bob Backlund takes on Lex Luger!
This match is already going when we return. That seems to happen a lot to Smoking Gunns matches. Not that I’m complaining or anything. The Gunns dominate while commentary talks about Bob Backlund. The Gunns hit a double team finish where Bart holds the jobber for Billy to top a leg drop off the top.
I’ve come to love these quick squashes.
Is it weird that Scott Taylor probably ended up having a better career than Tatanka? Tatanka beats on his opponent as we actually get a “Taylor” chant. You don’t see that every day for jobbers. Taylor even gets a close call on a rollup. Tatanka does end up winning with the End of the Trail. Tatanka hits another after the bell because he’s a villain.
Not as bad as most Tatanka squashes. Scott Taylor made this more fun than expected.
On Superstars, IRS cut a promo on the Undertaker. It’s about death and taxes and isn’t very good.
Phil Apollo must be a heel because he attacks Adam Bomb at the bell. His advantage doesn’t last long as Adam Bomb takes over. He hits the pumphandle slam for the victory.
Another quick squash. Good stuff.
Oh, a WILD BOB BACKLUND appears and puts Adam Bomb in the Crossface Chicken Wing!
King’s Court time. Jerry Lawler talks about all of the little people being brought into his feud with Doink. Doink has added a third so Lawler brings out his third, Cheesy. Cheesy joins Queasy and Sleazy. Lawler issues the expected challenge for the four of them to face the four clowns at Survivor Series. Match of the Year contender for sure.
So, Ben Jordan doesn’t sound like a white guy with a mullet to me but that’s what he looks like. This is totally one-sided as Diesel hits snake eyes and his trademark stuff. He gets some cheers from the crowd but toys with his opponent as he could have ended it much sooner than he does. Jackknife finishes it.
Went too long for the work Diesel was doing.
Overall: Slightly better than last week’s episode. I thought the Intercontinental Title match wasn’t terrible and most of the squash matches were kept short. The King’s Court still sucked hard though.
It’s a Halloween themed episode! Macho Man and Vince McMahon are the hosts for the last time as Savage would leave the company shortly after.
Early on, Luger not only mocks Backlund but is able to out wrestle him on the ground. That’s a shock. Backlund gets tired of that and starts to take control. He nearly applies the Crossface Chicken Wing but Luger escapes before it’s applied. They’ve done a good job of making that move seem like a threat. Backlund hits an ugly belly to belly for two. Before a commercial, Tatanka is shown lurking around the entrance. Luger starts the babyface comeback. He nails a powerslam but out comes Tatanka to distract him. Backlund locks in the submission but dumbass Tatanka enters the ring and Backlund is disqualified.
Pretty decent showing until that stupid ending. I get that they wanted to protect both guys but Tatanka looked like a complete fool for this.
Bob Backlund applies the submission again even after officials pull him off. Macho Man gets up from commentary to pull Backlund off and gets in some right hands. The crowd LOVED seeing Savage get physical. After a commercial, Savage tells Vince that it’s hard to sit in the chair and do nothing. I think part of that was a shoot.
Yesterday, the Kid teamed with Razor Ramon to take on Shawn Michaels and Diesel for the Tag Team Titles. I’ve never been able to find the match but I hear it’s phenomenal. They do a good in playing up Kid being worn out from Action Zone, even though this was recorded a while before. It causes Kid to take a bit longer than expected to pull this one out. He hits a big leg drop for the W.
Fine stuff. I liked Kid being worn down, which was different from most squashes and works with a character like his.
Survivor Series Report time! Bob Backlund wants the WWF Title match to be a Submission match. It is announced that Undertaker will take on Yokozuna in a Casket match. Chuck fucking Norris will be the special troubleshooting referee to make sure we don’t get a repeat of the Royal Rumble. Also added, the “Bad Guys” of Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog and the Headshrinkers will face the “Teamsters” of Diesel, Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart and Jeff Jarrett.
Vince gushes on commentary over the size of King Kong Bundy. Bundy does all of the offense and wants the five count. He gets it.
Man, King Kong Bundy is such a bore.
IRS is at someone’s grave and cuts a promo about how you have to pay taxes even after dying. He stumbles through it and it comes off as incredibly awkward.
Jerry Lawler is out for the King’s Court with his guests, Undertaker and Paul Bearer. Lawler asks if history will repeat itself. Bearer says that it will not and plugs the WWF magazine, which has an article about Undertaker’s greatest matches. Lawler then asks why Chuck Norris has to be at ringside if they’re confident. Bearer says that was the WWF and not them. Undertaker finishes the promo, saying that Yokozuna will rest in peace. The way he says Yokozuna makes me laugh honestly.
Next week, it’s a Hart family affair! Bret Hart teams with the British Bulldog to take on Owen Hart and Jim Neidhart
Jim Neidhart attacks quickly and stays in control throughout. He just tosses Tony Roy around like he’s nothing. Owen talks trash throughout, which is a highlight. Vince makes Savage do the USA movie premiere hype like always. However, this time Savage finishes and says he isn’t doing anymore and he’s on strike. Neidhart picks up the win via camel clutch.
Way too long for someone like Jim Neidhart. He looked to be stalling at times.
Vince interviews Lex Luger backstage but audio sucks and we can’t hear any of it. When the audio finally works, Luger is brawling with Tatanka.
Overall: Another episode that is kind of just there. The big matchup to open the show wasn’t very good and the rest of the show didn’t improve on it. The King’s Court wasn’t too bad tonight, which is an improvement. When the best thing on the show is a 1-2-3 Kid squash match, it’s not a good sign.