Thursday, July 17, 2014

Random Network Reviews: SuperBrawl IX

For those who are unaware, I've numbered every ECW, WCW and pre-2001 WWE Pay-Per-View, and placed them in a random generator. I get a random number and review the Pay-Per-View that comes out. Today, it's WCW SuperBrawl IX.

SuperBrawl IX
2/21/99 – Oakland Arena in Oakland, California

WCW shows are definitely the toughest to get through. Even a good WCW show can be tough due to Tony Schiavone's grating voice or their weird sounding ring. However, there was just something I can't put my finger on that makes WCW so weird. In 1999, I was 100% into the WWF, even though there were a few guys from WCW that I really enjoyed. So, we come to a show that I don't remember at all. As with most WCW Pay-Per-Views, I've either only seen them once or never at all. After doing my research I found that this show drew 16,000 but a year later, WCW couldn't even sell out the Cow Palace. I've seen ROH draw good at the Cow Palace.

The opening video package has Torrie Wilson in a hotel room talking to the cameraman. He gives her tickets somewhere and that's all we see from that. For as much money as WCW had, their production company needed to be better. They hype up Goldberg vs. Bam Bam Bigelow and Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan. They show another promo, this one for the Tag Team Tournament final. The Tournament looked like one of the biggest booking messes of all time.

Still no match as “Mean BY GAWD” Gene talks about the WCW Hotline. I thought Hotlines were dead by 1999. 

Booker T d. Disco Inferno in 9:19
Disco Inferno is a member of nWo Wolfpack here. Yes, I said it. They do some good old fashioned wrasslin' to start and Booker clearly has the upper hand. Booker also has the power advantage. Disco gets a little bit of offense and dances around the ring. Booker T doesn't appreciate the showing off and begins to beat down on Disco. He has all of the offense for a while until Disco hits a club. Disco locks on a sleeper and Booker's face shows no pain and he easily reverses. The crowd is hot for this. Booker hits the Axe Kick, but doesn't cover. Disco hits an atomic drop, but gets his next move reversed into a spinebuster that Tony Schiavone calls a sidewalk slam. Disco goes for his finisher but Booker counters into a belly to back suplex. SPINAROONIE! Booker goes to the top, Disco nails him and stupidly showboats. Booker shoves him off and hits the Harlem Hangover for the 1-2-3. Solid opening contest that the crowd was hotter for than I expected. Booker wasn't in his future Superstar form just yet though. **3/4

Chris Jericho w/ Ralphus d. Perry Saturn via countout in 11:17
I loved Ralphus! He's sporting a dress. Saturn has to wrestle in a dress and, if he wins, can make Jericho wear the dress. Jericho smack talks to start so Saturn knocks him down. They fight into the crowd for a few. Back inside, Saturn hits a T-Bone and Bobby Heenan seems off his game. Saturn catapults Jericho to the outside and dives onto him. Saturn brings Ralphus into the ring and strips him before Jericho dropkicks him in the back. Textbook vertical suplex followed by the “COME ONE BABY” pin. Jericho taunts to the crowd, hits a bodyslam and misses a ridiculous looking spinning splash. Saturn plants him with a scoop slam and kicks him in the corner. He hits ten punches in the corner with his dress over Jericho's head. Saturn gets a near fall and hits another kick but Jericho reverses his powerbomb and hits a German. Cross body connects, but Saturn rolls through and puts on a Rings of Saturn. That was such a badass submission. Jericho reaches the ropes and hits a Lionsault after Saturn missed one of his own. Saturn kicks out and nails the Death Valley Driver. Instead of pinning, he drops the referee with the DVD too. Saturn walks out and leaves the arena, eventually getting counted out. I guess the story is that he likes wearing the dress. Good match despite the odd finish. ***

The booth interviews Konnan and Rey Mysterio Jr. Rey's mask is on the line tonight so we all know how this will end. Konnan says they will win, mainly because he gets BOWDY BOWDY AND ROWDY ROWDY!

WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Billy Kidman (c) d. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
 in 8:26 to retain the title
I must be too used to the WWE as Chavo looks weird in trunks. Sloppy start to the match as Kidman and Chavo mess up one move and Kidman whiffs on a dropkick right after. Going outside, Kidman throws Chavo into the guardrail. Even though he's a face, Kidman offers a handshake and instead clotheslines Chavo. They go back outside, which is odd for a cruiserweight match. They aren't usually brawls. BRAINBUSTER by Chavo gets a near fall. They go from brawl to chinlock rest hold within seconds before Kidman is knocked back outside. Chavo somersaults over and out, which was impressive. Back inside, they mention that Kidman's three month reign is one of the longest in history. Chavo busts out a sweet tilt-a-whir backbreaker. Kidman hits a back body drop but Chavo is still in control. He gets a near fall with a Frankensteiner and Kidman gets one with a nice powerbomb type maneuver. DDT off the top as it's like they're trying the biggest moves possible. Kidman reverses a powerbomb into a facebuster and hits the Shooting Star Press to retain. Odd match as it wasn't sure what it wanted to be early on, and then it became a spot fest of big moves. **

Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko d. Barry Windham and Curt Hennig in 19:34
Because this is WCW, Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko have to win twice to win the belts. Malenko and Windham start and it's decent before it turns to Benoit and Hennig. Also, quick side note. The tournament happened because Rick Steiner and Kenny Kaos were champs until Rick got hurt. Kenny Kaos ladies and gentlemen. Hennig in '91 or '93 against Benoit in '04 would've been a classic. Hennig and Windham need a breather and they mention that Benoit has yet to win a title in WCW. Seriously? Benoit and Malenko run the show because they're awesome. Benoit hits the flying headbutt on Hennig but Windham breaks the pin attempt. The heels now work over Malenko while Benoit plays the babyface who the referee focuses too hard on. Benoit gets the tag and lights up Hennig. Windham doesn't seem sure if he's a face or a heel. Double suplex on Benoit earns a near fall. The crowd has gotten hot for the faces. Hennig hits a neck snap for two. Benoit is now the face in peril. Malenko gets the tag and dropkicks everyone before getting the Cloverleaf on Windham. Crowd is hot but Hennig breaks it up. Benoit gets to Hennig now and Malenko juts puts the Cloverleaf back on and Windham taps. Good tag formula and I enjoyed that. Didn't feel like nearly 20 minutes. ***1/4

WCW World Tag Team Championship
Barry Windham and Curt Hennig d. Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko
 in 1:02 to win the titles
Windham takes off his belt and chokes Malenko with it. He follows with a clothesline and continues to choke him. The referee counts the three. Oh WCW, there you go again. Malenko and Benoit worked their asses off for nearly 20 minutes to get the crowd completely behind them and hot. Then Windham and Hennig cheat and win the second match in a minute. Stupid, stupid, stupid booking. DUD

A video package airs to highlight the Roddy Piper/Scott Hall US Title match later. This was during the Bret Hart/Will Sasso saga. There goes WCW putting on 90's WWF matches again as Piper met Bret on Nitro in a WrestleMania 8 rematch. Whatever. 

Hair Versus Mask
The Outsiders d. Konnan and Rey Mysterio Jr.
 in 11:00
Lex Luger was supposed to compete but due to injury, Scott Hall replaces him. I watched Halloween Havoc '98 recently, which was just five months before this, and Nash and Hall were feuding. Liz was still hot in her nWo time. Mysterio was incredibly tiny at this point in his career and Eric Bischoff felt that Rey wasn't marketable with a mask. Well, it got super over in the WWE. Hall exerts his dominance by shoving Rey around the ring. Rey out wrestles Hall. He impresses with some high flying moves and hits both Outsiders. He makes a mistake and Hall drops him with a fallaway slam. The Outsiders start to dominate, which causes the match to slow to a crawl. Rey escapes the Outsider's Edge and Konnan gets the tag. He cleans house but it must be uncomfortable to wrestle in sagging jeans. Nash clubs him to end his rally. The Outsiders work over Konnan, who is not being BOWDY BOWDY or ROWDY ROWDY. Rey does get the tag and he flies all over the place. He uses both Nash and Konnan as catapults on separate occasions. Luger pulls Konnan out of the ring, leaving Rey alone. He hits a moonsault on Nash and has the three, but Liz distracts the ref. Hall clubs him and hits the Outsiders Edge. He places Nash on Rey and it's over. When Rey was in, it was fun. Besides that, this did nothing for me. *3/4

Rey has to remove the mask and he looks like he's 12. Not many non-diehard fans remember this though because WCW was pretty bad at this point. Nash tells him to put the mask on and Schiavone calls him a handsome young man. 

WCW World Television Championship
Scott Steiner (c) d. Diamond Dallas Page
 in 13:53 to retain the title
The Wolfpack theme ends from the previous match and starts over nearly instantly for this one. I'm pretty sure that Scott Steiner held every belt in WCW. The story here is that Big Poppa Pump wants Kimberly Page. DDP is totally serious as he doesn't even do his entrance taunt. He comes at Steiner with right hands and just beats him up for a bit. Buff Bagwell arrives and DDP takes turns whipping on both of them. The brawl spills outside with Steiner in control. Back inside, he hits a sloppy clothesline and gets a two with an elbow. Buff cheats and gets in some shots on DDP, but he shrugs them off and throws Steiner into the corner. That is for naught though as Steiner hits a belly to belly. DDP rolls him up for two before Steiner goes back on the offensive. Yay. Steiner is boring as hell right now. Even though he's in control, Steiner has Buff distract the ref so he can hit DDP with a chair. It's incredibly loud so the ref should've heard. Buff exposes the turnbuckles while DDP hits a low blow on Steiner that the referee sees and ignores. Charles Robinson does kick out Buff though. Outside, Steiner throws DDP into the steps. Steiner argues with the ref, allowing DDP to hit him with a clothesline, but it again goes nowhere as DDP eats a Frankensteiner off the top. He kicks out though and counters a hip toss into a DDT. DDP goes for the Diamond Cutter but he gets shoved off into the exposed buckle. Twice. And the referee is somehow blind. Steiner now hits multiple slams into the exposed corner and gets the Steiner Recliner. DDP passes out to end it. That was slow paced as hell. The Buff interference was dumb and I disliked pretty much everything. 1/2*

DDP gets taken out on a stretcher to a chorus of “DDP sucks” chants. For some reason. 

WCW United States Championship
Scott Hall w/ Disco Inferno d. Roddy Piper (c)
 in 8:19 to win the title
The Wolfpack theme plays for Disco and for Hall separately. I'll never understand who thought it was a good idea to put a title on Piper in 1999. Piper struggles to take off his shirt but puts his kilt over Hall's head and wails away on him. Hall retaliates with some shoulder blocks and a wristlock. They take turns cheating with pokes to the eyes and at least the crowd is into it. Piper is struggling to get anything to look right though. Heenan says that Hall, in 1999, is a top 5 athlete in the world. Yea, sure. Piper hits a low blow and I swear WCW officials are totally blind. With Piper in the tree of woe, Disco gets in shots. Piper gets put in the abdominal stretch and the heels cheat with more leverage and Piper hip tosses out. Forget what I said about a hot crowd earlier. They're dead now. Piper gets on the sleeper hold. Hall is fading but signals for Disco to run in. Piper nails him and there's no DQ called. Kevin Nash shows up and takes a low blow though Piper botches that. Hall hits him from behind and pins him with his feet on the ropes. My goodness, did Scott Hall need to look that bad? Mike Tenay says they have the US, World and TV Titles. This was just as bad as the previous match, if not worse and stupidly overbooked. DUD

After the match, Scott Hall talks smack to Roddy Piper, but ends up getting beat up. Kevin Nash and Disco Inferno join in and Piper escapes. This was useless.

Goldberg d. Bam Bam Bigelow in 11:39
Bam Bam has no music. Tony Schiavone says Goldberg can't be beaten unless you have a taser. Well, if I was Bam Bam, I would get a damn taser then. Goldberg is easily the most over guy, so having him in a pointless match here, while two old ass men fight for the WCW Title is classic WCW booking. Goldberg isn't bothered by a shoulder block and slams Bigelow as the crowd is pumped. Fireman's carry into an armbar as Goldberg is off to a dominating start. Bam Bam gets on the offensive and targets the leg. Bam Bam is focusing on the leg and slaps on a chinlock is what has become a boring ass affair. My goodness this is bad. After a long and I mean long time of Bam Bam using rest holds, Goldberg comes from out of nowhere with a Spear. He forgets about the attack on his leg all night and hits two more Spears before mercifully ending this with a Jackhammer. Whoever set this match up is a moron. Goldberg dominates early on, then the whole match is Bam Bam until Goldberg hits a few moves. So bad. DUD 

WCW World Heavyweight Championship
“Hollywood” Hulk Hogan (c) d. Ric Flair
 in 12:53 to retain the title
Hogan vs. Flair would've been a great move for WrestleMania 8 in 1992. In 1999, not so much. Especially for the title. Hogan starts with some face offense as he plays to the crowd and they're chanting “Hogan.” Hogan gets a near fall because Flair's leg is under the ropes and the referee doesn't call it, Hogan just stops pinning Flair. Hogan gets a chair and hits Flair with an extremely weak shot. Holy crap, the next one is even softer. It's like he laid the chair on Flair's back. Flair is busted open of course and is trading chops. Is this match No DQ? Sure seems like it. Hogan no sells two chops and Flair dies off of a punch. Hogan now whips him with the DEADLY WEIGHT BELT. Flair no sells it and does a double leg take down but eats the belt to the face. How all of this is okay is beyond me. Hogan no sells more chops and the crowd pops for that. They've turned on Flair. The Nature Boy hits two low blows that again, don't cause a DQ. Flair now beats on Hogan with the belt and I have no clue why these guys are blading for this match. Torrie Wilson comes down for her debut and she slaps Flair. Flair hits another low blow and continues to work on Hogan while Schiavone lies and calls this a great match. Hogan kicks out of a suplex and the ref gets hit. Hogan drops an elbow on his for good measure. Then he goes for the Leg Drop. Which wouldn't work because you just took out the referee. A “masked man” in a Wolfpack shirt arrives and uses the stun gun on Flair while he has Hogan in the Figure Four. Hogan pins to keep the belt. Another awful match. That's like four or five in a row. My god. DUD

The masked man holds hands with Torrie and reveals himself to be David Flair. For some stupid reason he joins nWo. His dad dedicated the match to him and the nWo beat the hell out of him at the last show. The turn makes no sense and is classic WCW for you. 

Overall: 2/10; God awful. The worst show that I've reviewed so far. The first half of the show is not bad with a decent opener, good Jericho/Saturn match and solid tag match. Once you get to the second tag match, everything is terrible. Bad booking, stupid swerves and boring wrestling. Just horrible. Next up, Survivor Series 1995.

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